Work anxiety - advice/help please!

[TenLetters]

Hi all, newbie poster here, long time reader. I'm in a sticky situation and I'm reaching out for help and advice.

Long story short, I've started a new job about 2 months ago in a corporate role in the city. After coming out of the induction process and company onboarding etc., I've come to the realisation that I have been hired into the wrong job, and it's causing alot of anxiety. I'm one of 4 of a brand new team built, but the other 3 on my team have a completely different skill-set.

Because my skill-set and experience is different to theirs, I'm completely dismissed if I ever make a point or a suggestion. A few weeks of this, and I'm now a ghost in the office. Meetings are held without me, discussions and conversations go quite when I arrive at my desk, and each day I'm feeling more in the dark. Although a very smart guy, my boss is non-communicative. I haven't had a single 1-to-1 since starting, barely says hello in the mornings, and will only engage in a conversation if I ask a question. Within the department I have learned of person x has a history with person y, and manager a is in a power struggle with manager b. etc. etc.

With a combination of the ghosting and all the dysfunction across the area, it is toxic, and as a result has left me depressed, anxious, and isolated. I just hate it. I'm scared to raise my issues though to HR, because as I'm a new starter, I'm in probation. I don't want to be labelled a trouble-maker and then be let go suddenly due to 'budgeting'.

I believe the core issue is management communication, which means that the people I should raise this to are the people that should be addressing this and managing the situation. So where can I go?

I haven't been eating much at all in the last few weeks, have been going to bed at 8pm and have trouble concentrating whilst in work, leading me to be underperforming, not helping my credibility or reputation.

If I tell the company I believe they have hired me into the wrong position, can they just turn around and go "tough luck" or do they have an obligation to improve/change the situation?

If I say nothing, I look like a bad employee (which I am absolutely not), and wont get passed probation (if I make it that far).

I don't want to explode, but it's affecting my personal time, including weekends, so I must do something to protect my own health.

Would love to hear your thoughts 🙂

[Blue_Jane]

Hi TenLetters

Great to hear that you have been on our forums for a while and decided to reach out. I know it is a big step but hopefully you find it a useful step.

Sounds like you have come to the conclusion that you have been hired into the wrong role. However maybe they have hired you to complement the skills of the other members of the team? I too work in a corporate role for a big organisation and we are big on hiring diversified skillsets and people with different backgrounds.

However the actions of others sounds really difficult on you. Even though you are new, you need to speak to your manager. It is his responsibility to ensure you are supported on the job. I would speak to him tomorrow, say you would like a catch up and put some time in his diary. Then explain how you are feeling and see what he has to say.

I don't think you need to involve HR until you have tried to work things out with your manager. It is hard to know how the conversation will go but it sounds like you are not overly keen to stay in the team. Maybe he will move you into another team?

In terms of what the company is responsible for, it is dependent on the individual company however let's hope in this case they will do the right thing by you.

Let me know how you go.

Blue Jane

[BballJ]

Hi TenLetters,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. Glad to read you had the courage to post and ask for help and advice.

I agree with Blue Jane and their great advice above and I do think you need to speak to your manager, trying to avoid the problems only makes it harder on you and if you don't raise it then the problem can't be fixed. I agree also that people are hired for a reason and obviously your skill set was there to compliment the others, they have a skill set that you may not have but you have a skill set that they may not necessarily have either. I would think speaking to you manager about all of this and maybe even asking how you can best be utilised in the team. No job should be causing you this much stress and you deserve to be happy going to work everyday as well. Have you suffered from anxiety, depression or any mental health condition before? Or has this come about due to this new role?

Please let us know how you go.

My best for you,

Jay

[TenLetters]

Hi BlueJane & BballJ - thanks so much for your input.

It could very well be true that I was purposely hired to have different skills to my peers - could be the case that this was simply not communicated as it probably should have.

I haven't suffered previously with any long bouts of anxiety - however I do have my down days like everyone else. I am very sensitive and as a result; conflict and crappy behaviour towards others and general tension really affects me in my work performance.

In any case I wanted to update you. I visited my GP today and she gave me a cert to take the rest of the week off to refocus. She suggested I call a meeting first thing on Monday with my direct manager and prepare a document with all the things that are causing me to be overwhelmed and causing unnecessary stress, and also a number of actions that I think would improve the situation, so I have started working on that today.

She mentioned that if I do that, I'm not only being honest, but I'm giving my boss solutions to solve some issues, so it would be hard for a reasonable person to react in a negative way to it. Also she mentioned that companies are legally obliged to ensure a comfortable working environment as part of their duty of care. Once put in writing, they must act to improve the situation if they have been made aware that it is causing mental stress to someone. Just something I thought was interesting.

I hope some of the above might help others if they are in a similar situation.

[Just Sara]

Hi TL and welcome to the forums;

There's some great dialog on this issue from BJ and Blue Jane as well as yourself. Your GP offered up appropriate advice which I'm glad resonated with you.

If it's ok, I'd like to add something to the mix. Previous experience from my end tells me you might need to include your team co-workers as well as your line manager. A meeting with them will ensure you've addressed this with all involved.

Usually the first question a boss will ask, is have you approached your team members to let them know how you feel. To avoid an unknown outcome with your team, having the line manager present will ensure people are on their best behaviour. It's a pay-grade thing.

Having everyone there means each will get a say and an opportunity to respond. There'll also be an agreement or document to rely on for future issues if they occur. As a pilot program/team, this would've been best done in the beginning, but as it wasn't, there's no time like the present. It may well work out to be a really productive session.

It's also an opportunity for you to voice your concerns within the safety of a group. And, as you say, preparing notes including solutions will show you're proactive which will definitely add to your list/resume of professional qualities.

I wish you well and would love to hear back with hopefully, a positive outcome for all.

You could begin your post with; Booyar!!"

Self empowerment is a gift...

Sara

[BballJ]

Hi TenLetters,

I am glad to read you went and saw your GP and they gave you the rest of the week off, that is always a good thing so you can reenergize as well. Very interesting what your GP has said and actually good information as I didn't know about all those obligations from a work place. I do know that if I was a manager and my staff was unhappy I would want to know because you want your staff happy so you can get the best out of them. I think you are doing the right thing by having a meeting with your manager and letting them know how you are feeling. Your health (Mental & Physical) should always be number 1 so I think you are doing the right thing.

Please, keep us updated with how you are going.

My best,

Jay

[Blue_Jane]

Hi TenLetters

Great to hear that you saw your GP and that it was a constructive meeting. Putting everything in writing is really helpful for all involved. I know when I have been in difficult meetings in the past, having things written down helps to ensure I don't forget certain important items!

Don't be disappointed if your manager can't see you first thing Monday, let them know it is important to catch up but it might not be until later that day or even Tuesday or Wednesday. He might ask you what the meeting is about, say it is to discuss the reason for your absence last week.

Please let us know how you go.

Blue Jane

[TenLetters]

Hi all,

Thanks so much for all your kind words and advice. I've taken it all on-board - I just wanted to keep you updated on the latest...

So I'm back 2 weeks in the office since I took the time out. On the Sunday before I went back, I started to make notes on engaging with my manager and having a constructive conversation. I got into the office and 8am and handed my doc's cert to him...his words were 'oh you're alive..it's frowned upon when a new employee takes a week off sick as you're still in your probation period; you dont have any sick days accrued etc. etc. so i dont know what we're going to do' - Game changer. This guy has a problem with me. I decided there and then to meet with HR. I put a document together with all my notes of specific unreasonable incidents. It all became clear what was going on. I was too much in the middle of it all to step back at look at it. It was textbook bullying. I need to act to protect myself and my safety, so am going to make a complaint. Will update you after the meeting on Tuesday...

[Blue_Jane]

Hi TenLetters

Thanks for the update. Goodness, what a disappointing reaction your manager had to your leave.

Hope Tuesday goes as well as it can, let us know.

Blue Jane