When all is quiet, old man panic comes over

[CJ_stuff_and_stuff]

Hi there,

I have been monitoring my panic spells and have noticed that they occur almost always in the evening, at home when I am relaxing...

Does anyone have any experience with panic occurring when you’re not thinking about much?

My fear is a heart attack so I will be laying on the couch watching TV and will have a muscle twinge or perhaps an imaginated pain and old mate panic starts catastrophising.

Just now I realised I was feeling fine and in a moment of habit I checked my pulse and noticed it was calm and not pounding - my immediate thought was that it must be running out of batteries and I was in the early stages of a heart attack.... all of this in a matter of minutes.

I am starting to think that my body isn’t ok with me relaxing. I have been for a long time a super busy person and it seems when I let my guard down the panic comes.

Please tell me I am not alone in this!

Thanks,

CJ

[MrMaturity]

Definitely not alone. I am just starting my journey but I already know that my panic/anxiety can occur at the strangest times.

To try and chill out I have started some slow yoga. Just light stretching and slow breathing. Lying down on my back I could feel my body start to freak out. That always gets my mind going. My body tried to have a panic attack from doing yoga, something that is supposed to relax my body.

With me it is usually a body symptom that causes a mind symptom. My mind convinves itself that I am going to die. That there really is something wrong with my body. That the chest squeeze or the nausea has just been mistaken for anxiety. That then starts the spiral.

Sometimes I can catch it. Sometimes I can't and I just need to let it drag me along like a run away horse. I always come out the other side.

Whether I catch it or not doesnt change how shit it is. To feel like my body and mind are letting me down. The lack of control over it.

I am with you mate. Stupid body/mind being stupid and not relaxing when it is supposed to be relaxing.

[CJ_stuff_and_stuff]

Hi Mr M!

Thank you for your message. I am so sorry you also live with this... your message almost made me cry with relief that it’s not just me.

people say to ‘just relax’ but little do they know that relaxing is the worst thing, people also don’t realise that we have absolutely no control over the physical and then mental signs of panic.

rational me knows I will get through each episode but it is just so tiring 😢 and torturous.

If the panic could just give me a schedule of expected arrival I could at least be free to be me in the down time.

if you don’t mind me asking, did you develop panic over time or did you face a traumatic event that has brought on the panic?

Thanks again,

CJ 🤓

[MrMaturity]

I developed the panic and anxiety over time. 5 years of hell with my family, 3 years of my partner battling a debilitating chronic illness, managing a full-time job at the same time as starting my own business to try to get back a little of what she and I lost.

My issue is that I am the kind of guy that tries to be everybody's rock, the one that tries to be strong and keep pushing forwards no matter how hard. The kind of guy that could feel that I was getting more and more stressed but shoved it down and kept on keeping on because I was/am in an impossible situation.

UnfortunatelyI took on too many burdens and am paying the price.

Shoving the stress down caused my mind to develop the habit of avoiding stressful thoughts, which makes it hard to understand what I am stressed about. Which makes it hard to understand what triggers the panic.

I know there is no changing that I have the panic now. But I also know that I can get through it. Just need to clear out everything in my life that is pulling me apart, clean up all the old habits of thinking and clear out all the anxious triggers.

It won't be easy, it will be hell. I know that each time I pull apart the tangled web of thoughts and feelings my body will be convinced that there are tigers in the bushes and that I need to run. But those are the opportunities to sit down with the anxiety and show that there isn't anything to be afraid of.

It will be the worst kind of self inflicted torture but I will regain the trust of my own body.

[CJ_stuff_and_stuff]

Wow, your comment about shoving stress down so far that you don’t know what your stressing about is so very insightful. I too wonder why the anxiety continues to reside in me when I believe I am not stressed or anxious about anything in particular.

Us rock like people do seem to be tje one who must continue ‘business as usual’ purely because there is no one else to heavy lifting.

Through reflection I can now feel the repository in my stomach that has caught years of self imposed pressure, many expectations and sadly an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship.

I am practicing allowing myself to express my emotions freely, including letting out my dissatisfaction or anger. I am also practicing saying no without guilt and saying yes to help and the offer of support - this is possibly the hardest thing because like you I am the ‘strong’ ‘under control’ one.... apparently!! Ha

let me know the key to trusting your body, at the moment I feel like mine is about to give up on me and I’m only 36....

Thanke for your replies, they may a lot CJ 🤓

[MiloGirl]

Hi I’m new. Just wanted to say that that is my fear too. The anxiety over having an heart attack or that my body isn’t ok and it’s going to fail me. When I’m alone and relaxing It begins. I have to stay busy all the time. and I need to know that someone is available if I need them to come watch the kids if I do happen to need to go to hospital (for a heart attack)

I can’t sit and watch tv, I have to multitask. Weather that be knitting, crochet, playing games on my phone/iPad. If I’m not my thoughts begin. And yes one little odd feeling or twinge in my body and it starts.

thanks you for the comfort in knowing I’m not alone!

[CJ_stuff_and_stuff]

Hi Milogirl,

I am kind of new here too and in the last week since i joined B.B, I have begun to feel so much better knowing this isn’t some torment that only belongs in my head.

It’s interesting how the perception of people with panic or anxiety is that we they/we are not strong but it is so obvious that we are actually some of the strongest people around. We push our minds and our bodies everyday so that we don’t experience panic, as Mr Maturity noted, we are often the ones looking after other people and their needs and we are often the ways carrying a lot of responsibility. It’s no wonder our bodies go a bit whack and shoot off Adrenalin rushes all the time....

all of this is good to know but I’m unsure how this helps when we sit down at night and start the twinge, panic spiral.

I definitely think using the forum and the online chat when you’re having a panic spell is a good distraction!

sleep well tonight x

[MiloGirl]

Hi CJ

yes what Mr Materity said is completely true. I have 5 children, a husband and 3 step children who visit fortnightly.

That’s 8 kids in and out of our home on fortnightly routine. I’m usually the one holding everything together and I’m a worrier, and a thinker, I think about bigger pictures and I’m more of an organised person rather then the care free ‘it will fall into place’ type. I guess that doesn’t help as I’m also stressing myself out about everyone else.

Im glad I finally reached out and connected with these forums, it’s only day 2 but already I feel like I have the strength to move forward! We can do this, we can get past our fears and our anexity. Together we help each other! 🙂

hope you have a good night to.

[CJ_stuff_and_stuff]

Wowsers Milogirl! That is an amazing amount of work and responsibility- you obviously need to think and worry when you have so many lives to consider.

I have heard or read that if you allow yourself some time during the day specifically for worrying you can reduce the worry later in the day/night. I don’t tend to consciously worry so this wouldn’t work for me I don’t think but perhaps it is something you could try?

im trying super hard to plan and organise all the things that I might find something to worry about, I spend 1-2 hours every Sunday morning to revise my plans so I have some control of things.. I think it’s starting to work for me!

Keep talking here if you’re comfortable, we have got each other’s back 🙂

[MiloGirl]

I think that’s part of my problem at the moment. I actually don’t have a reason to worry, there’s nothing that is stressing me.

I recently had bubba #5 and had a tubal ligation at the same time. My hormones are all over the place and I think that has a lot to do with my recent panic and anexity. The fact my body is completely out of whack. I feel strange and weird and I do t know why but I don’t feel the same as I use to. Right now as I type this I feel light headed and about to pass out. Like there’s not enough blood circulation in my body. My fave and head feel numb but slightly tingling at the same time. I feel ill and I feel like I’m not really alive. Then I begin to panic and it I don’t forcefully hold my self together I get an anexity attack/panic attack where I literally don’t know what to do with my self and I feel like I’m about to die! 😞 it’s the worst I hate it with a passion even though I know it’s adereline I know I’m not actually dying but then I worry what if I actually am how will I know the difference.

i hate living life like this!