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What if I made myself mentally ill?

Community Member

When I was younger, I used to always do research about mental health and decide which one I related to the most. Then I would spend hours or days reading about it and thinking about it. Consuming media about it. Making everything in my life about it.


Than I'd get distracted with something else and forget about it. Then eventually go back to obsessing over mental illness and figuring out what's wrong with me. 


I feel like I manipulated myself into having mental illness because I was never like this when I was younger. If anything I was the opposite.


What if I convinced myself I had depression when I was just a little sad and then over time it turned to depression? 


What if I made myself mentally ill without noticing? 


What if I did notice but I just can't admit it to myself?


What if I just like being sick and will never be able to move on? 

5 Replies 5

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hey Bellanana


Welcome to the forums and thankyou for having the courage to post too! 


Using the Internet/Dr Google for mental health research can sometimes make our own circumstances worse even if we dont have clinical depression/anxiety. I understand your situation yet its only my humble opinion that its unhealthy for anyone to make themselves feel worse by using Dr Google as a reference. 


....'If depression or anxiety starts to interfere with our ability to function on a day to day basis then we need to see our GP


My main health problems have been long term clinical depression and anxiety 


I hope you have been doing the best you can. Any questions are always welcome Bellanana!


Thankyou for being a part of the Beyond Blue family!



CC Online Volunteer



So, I am making myself sick when I'm not? 

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Bellanana


I think if we're wonderful by nature (in the habit of wondering about a lot of stuff), such a sense of wonder can hold the potential to lead us down a host of different rabbit holes. I suppose the question could be about what led us to begin wondering about certain things to start with. Then it can become a matter of whether we tick all the boxes or a majority of them when it comes to what we're wondering about. 


I think while a lot of our nature can have us tick some of boxes when it comes to certain mental health conditions or disorders, the question is 'Do we tick enough boxes in order for us to be clinically diagnosed as having a particular mental health condition or disorder?'. For example

  • While we may have the natural ability to feel what's depressing, is it to the extent that it's causing a significant amount of mental and physical dysfunction in our life or is it on the verge of causing serious dysfunction (aka being on the brink of depression)?
  • While we may have natural obsessive compulsions that can lead to a really solid daily routine/sense or order, are any of those obsessive compulsive aspects creating a serious sense of disorder for those around us or is the compulsion to follow certain rituals causing us overwhelming stress if we can't follow through with them for one reason or another?

So, while we could naturally tick some of the boxes for depression, OCD, anxiety, level 1 autism, ADHD and maybe a few more, we won't necessarily tick every box in every category. I think every category has a scale and at times we can't help but wonder where we sit on certain scales, from one extreme to the other.  


pauland the riding havexwrittem thoughtful replies. 

I used to be fixated if my illness was inherited and say why me then I decided to focusing on helping myself to feel better.


i can see it isi portent I. You to answer your question. I think the answer that the rising has shared will help you find the answer. 
take care 

Hey Bellanana


Its just my humble opinion that researching mental health symptoms can have negative effect on our mental health so yes you could be Bellanana.  I dont think its healthy. A visit to a GP would be a smart move though!


Researching a skin problem or flu symptoms is fine. Researching our own mental health isnt


Great to have you on Beyond Blue with us Bellanana