Upward bullying

[Guest_92474369]

I was recently put in charge of a new team at work and one of the girls in the team has made it her mission to make me miserable (presumably because she thought she should have been given the job). She has turned two of the other team members against me and encouraged them to give horrible feedback to my manager. I’ve tried to defend myself, but my manager thinks that I must be in the wrong because more than one person has complained. I’m struggling to keep going with this constant feeling of anxiety and fear of what they’ll do next. Each time I think things have settled down, my boss raises the issues with me again - not anything new, the same issues. I have tried defending myself but she seems to be disappointed when I do - like she wants me to admit I am at fault before she will let me move on. I don’t know how to fix something I didn’t do in the first place. Feel trapped and unable to breathe. 

[tranzcrybe]

Why do you feel the need to defend yourself if you have done nothing wrong?
Have you read the feedback?

As 'team leader', it might help to assert your authority to address this directly with the unruly members.

Hear them out and see if there is any substance to their concerns, and then find some resolution - be it acknowledging their grievances, modifying some procedures, or quashing their rancourings with a flat out rejection.

At present you are letting things fester; and, like that splinter you avoided digging out as a child, it is causing pain from being ignored.

It can be tough at the top, and being timid can result in the sheep leading the shepherd.

How you handle your underlings might require an 'iron fist in a velvet glove' to clear the air about your respective roles and position.

Your boss probably doesn't seek an admission to anything you haven't done, just how you intend to address the matter to point things in the right direction.

[therising]

A very warm welcome to you at a time that sounds incredibly stressful and challenging.

It sounds like there are a number of challenges all rolled into one: A manager who you sense doesn't want to listen to reason (the reason for your concerns), co-workers whose nature it is to make life difficult, a new position to manage and perhaps the ability to feel in ways that could be pushing you develop an aspect of yourself that maybe you're not used to tapping into. While one or two of these factors could be manageable, all of them together definitely sounds challenging.

Whether it's the manager in you, the intolerant part of you that just won't tolerate nonsense from people, a part of you that largely ignores trouble makers and gravitates towards the most productive and inspiring team members or some other facet of you, could this challenge you face involve choosing what part of you you're going to begin to develop? With emotional development, I've found it can be about 'I felt what that person did or said to me and while I've felt it I'm going to now tap into what I need to be feeling under the circumstances'. So, it's kinda like switching emotions. I know, not always easy. To offer an example, if someone says something deeply depressing towards me, I'll feel the down shift but I can't remain in that down shift because I may become more and more down. Not good. If I can begin to consciously generate some intolerance and maybe even a bit of constructive anger, that intolerance and anger is naturally going to bring the intolerant cow in me to life, mooooving me to be more upstanding 🐄😁. When the absolute cow in me comes to life, it may push me to say something along the lines of 'Why the hell would you say such a depressing thing to me?! What the heck is wrong with you?'. Whether it's the intolerant cow in us, a fierce and fiery dragon (that may burn bridges on occasion), the natural comedian in us that leads us to make light of someone else's depressing or stressful nature or something else, the people pleaser in us starts to take more of a back seat. The people pleaser in us is no longer driving us, our decisions, our beliefs, our behaviour etc. I should add that I'm no master at channeling parts of me that serve me well but I am learning to master this somewhat liberating process of self development.

Could there be a part of you that is champing at the bit to come to life, with the promise of serving you in many of the ways you desire? Btw, while the people pleaser in us tends to lead us to please everyone around us, an opposing nature will naturally lead us to displease a number of people. If we're a deeply feeling or sensitive person, we're naturally going to feel or sense their displeasure.

[Flowergirl97]

Hi, hope you are doing ok. 
It is unfortunate that starting a new position is always a bit adjustment and a challenge and it sounds like there are some extra challenges thrown your way in this situation. 
I have experienced a co-worker dislike me when I got only a Christmas casual job and turned others against me. In hindsight this person must have been acting in this way partly because they believed they should have got the managers position (the one that had hired me) and this person had told me they didn’t think any Christmas casuals were needed in their workplace. To make matters worse, the manager took a month’s leave and left this person in charge and it became apparent they didn’t want me working there. So I do know that this sort of thing happens and can be really upsetting and unfair. 

In my experience managers are best when they proactively address any issues. In this situation your best chance of resolving any conflicts might be to sit down and ask the person causing the issues some well-meaning questions to identify the problem and try to come to a compromise or a solution as soon as possible. Directly addressing any problems in the workplace is the only things that will lead to positive change. You may have to manage your own reactions because this person might be manipulative, but taking a proactive approach in a calm and professional way can only show your integrity as a manager