struggling to recognise an unhealthy body perception

[elle64]

hi, this is my second forum here. i am writing to express my problem in recognising how badly my thinking towards my body and my eating habits has developed. my friend has been telling me everything i am doing is unhealthy, and up until now i've thought of my obsessive strategies related to food merely being based off a diet. now i can't lie and say i'm not aware of this growing infatuation with feeling skinny and achieving the standard and conventional appearance that i deem normal. i realise that my actions towards improving my body are suspicious and my friends have certainly not been turning a blind eye towards it. i think the scariest thing is that i know if a teacher at my school heard the way i talk about myself and the constant conversations revolving around calories and exercise that i think sound colloquial, they would immediately spot a red flag and would suggest the risk of developing something dangerous. at the end of the day, i am ultimately struggling to recognise the danger of what i am doing, yet i know if i was to talk this casually about it in a schooling or homely environment, it would draw drastic concern.

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome.

I do not know much about eating issues but I can listen and you can certainly use me as a sounding board if you want to chat here. It also sounds like your friends might also be concerned for you.

It sounds like you don't want to the obsess over calorie counting (?) and then if you chat with others what you say would be seen as a red flag. That is you want your actions to be viewed as a red flag? I am a little unsure of your goals. Perhaps if you could tell me a little more on what you want or are looking for?

You could also look at information on kids helpline as well...

https://kidshelpline.com.au/

https://kidshelpline.com.au/teens/issues/eating-disorders

Most importantly, I want you to know this is a safe and nonjudgemental space in which you can talk. I hope you will come back and chat some more.

[Guest_4643]

hey elle64, welcome.

i'm sorry to hear this. i'd agree with smallwolf's comments. i struggle with eating issues too (binge for me).

i'd suggest trying The Butterfly Foundation, they have a webchat. or maybe you could go to a GP and ask them about the new medicare thing for EDs? idk the process including who's involved, how long it takes, etc. but i've heard it's good and may be beneficial. i need to do something about my binge ED so i should look into that too.

take care.

[Gabs_]

Hi there,

Firstly, I am so proud that you had the courage to write in this forum for help. As someone with a history of eating disorders, I know how hard it can be when you are keeping a huge secret, but at the same time feel like your brain is screaming at people to notice or to realise when you don't eat and/or exercise too much.

The best thing you can do is speak to the Butterfly Foundation, Eating Disorders Victoria or National Eating Disorders Collaboration. Please call one or them or all of them ASAP. It will seem scary to say the words out loud to someone, but trust me, you will thank yourself later in life for it.

My ED started around 13.... and I am now 36 and still dealing with recovery and health issues associated with the ED. If I could go back in time to my younger self, I would tell her the exact same thing I will tell you. Call the organisations I refer to above - asking for help is the bravest thing you will ever do. It is so easy for an ED to take control of your life and I would never wish that for you, because it will never make you happy. It will try and convince you that restricting, or getting to a certain weight, or that 3 hours on a treadmill will make you happy, but it won't. It will zap the joy from your soul and isolate you and tell you that you're not good enough, when YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

Please, for me, as someone who has lived through where you are. Call them. Take your parents aside and tell them that you need to see your GP to get a referral to an ED psychologist (one of the organisations will be able to provide a list of psychologists in your area that specialise in EDs). Honesty is the best thing for an ED. It will be hard and a huge leap of faith, but it will be the best thing you can do for yourself.

I didn't tell anyone until I was so sick that I ended up in hospital when I was 23. I let it get so bad, before even my parents knew. It was so isolating. And years later, my body is still struggling. I have issues with my bones (I have had so many fractures). I am struggling to get pregnant. I cut and bruise easily. And all because of my ED.

So please, at your age, go get help now, before it gets its claws in. I would never wish this experience on anyone. You have your whole life ahead of you, so do it for the "now" you and the "future" you.

I'm always happy to chat more in this forum if you need.

[Gabs_]

Ps. In the meantime, this is an excellent resource: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Disordered-Eating

PPS. You can get your GP to put you on a care plan for an ED - this will cover you for up to 40 psych sessions and 20 dietetics sessions.

Please take care and seek the help