So confused

[Hayls1207]

Hi everyone

I am so new to anxiety and depression to the point I don't even know what's wrong with me. But when one negative this happens to me I make scenarios up in my head and fight with myself that the worst is going to happen.

From my partner who is stuck on the other side of the country, is going out with guys and girls from his work. I would think he is going fall in love and leave me.

To I ask my family to watch my son and they can't due to work and legitimate reasons. And my head starts thinking they don't love him, you do everything for them and they can't help you.

I need a break being home 24/7 alone with my 20 month old son. But then my head fights itself saying you don't need a break you need to love him some more. And even when I get 5 mins to myself I feel guilty.

I head fight myself to the point I cant breathe I cry uncontrollably for hours. I have no energy do to anything part from lay on the lounge. And I feel ashamed I have these thoughts and I feel like a horrible mother because I fight myself.

does this make sense to anyone. Because to me it's so confusing I never let anything get to me and then bam it has hit me like a bus.

[geoff]

Hello Hayls, and a warm welcome.

You have every right to be worried about your partner, I know I would if I was in the same situation, fortunately, I'm not, but if trust had been build before this, then you have to believe everything will be OK and that he might go out with his workmates but he knows where to draw the line.

That's easy to say but you're having these thoughts that are causing problems for you and maybe known as intrusive thoughts that pop into your head without warning, at any time causing you to believe unusual thoughts.

If I can ask you to type this, 'intrusive thoughts' in the search bar above and read the many different comments made by people who also have them, just as I do.

I'm sorry as this doesn't address your partner being o/s and if I can ask, is there any chance when he will be coming home.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Hayls1207]

Thanks heaps. I'll look into intrusive thoughts. The thing is when I don't have these thoughts I trust him with my life. I never have doubt or any worry he would do anything that crosses that line. But when I have those fights in my head I make scenarios up and run with it.

He won't be back until what's looking at Christmas. Hopefully earlier but with covid the boarder are shut.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Hayls,

Thank you for sharing this here. It sounds like an incredibly difficult time, we can understand how it would get to you. It sounds like you are a really loving parent but being home alone with your young son 24/7 is undoubtedly difficult, and with your partner away this must be a really hard time, no matter how unlikely the worries you’re having may be.

Is there anyone helping you with childcare? Or, if in lockdown, do you have a support bubble? Lockdown, while necessary, can be really isolating for parents of young children, so please reach out to a friend or family member if you can. If you’re not sure who to reach out to, please give the Beyond Blue helpline a call on 1300 22 4636 and they can talk through this with you and help you to figure out how you can get more support. You can also reach the Beyond Blue counsellors on webchat or email, here.

Another option is Parentline, who have the number to call for each state listed here. If you give them a call you can speak to one of their qualified counsellors who can help you tune into your own needs, work out strategies for making change, and understand your family dynamics more clearly.

Thanks again for sharing here, we hope Geoff's words bring you some comfort. Our community members are kind and understanding, and we’re sure some more of them will join us on this thread in not too long. Many will be able to relate to what you’re going through.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[jaz28]

Hello and welcome,

I am sorry you are feeling this way. If you can, see your GP and maybe look into therapy.

These are trying times, and I hope you are OK.

Jaz.