please help!

[GemmaR]

Hey guys,

So I've been suffering with severe anxiety, depression, & OCD since I was 15 (that I am aware of) I'm now 20. I have been to several psychologists & psychiatrists & nothing is helping! I've been on a few different medications but they all just make me sick, and that is my main anxiety! It's so hard for me to say this considering it is an absolutely terrifying subject for me, but I am really struggling and don't know how much longer I can live like this. 

I am so afraid of becoming ill, not the flu or anything, but the thought of food poisoning or a stomach virus completely debilitates me to the point where I refuse to eat because my mind will tell me I am going to be sick. And I refuse to leave my house because I am convinced I will pick up a virus. 

I am 20 years old I should be living a normal life but I just can't seem to find a balance! (although who says what's normal right!?) I just need some sort of help or even just some reassurance that I will be ok, that this isn't how I'm going to spend the rest of my life!

Thanks guys 🙂

[JessF]

Hello Gemma, yes you will be OK. It may not seem like it right now, as five years of your life is a long time when you are only 20.  When you've been feeling bad for a while, you can forget what it was like to feel well.

I am sorry to hear that you have been to a number of different therapists and nothing has worked yet. Do you know what sort of therapies they have tried with you?  From what you describe, it sounds like some sort of phobia.  You mention being scared of very specific things happening regarding your health.  Have you discussed these things with any of the people you've seen? 

[GemmaR]

Hi Jess!

Thanks for your post!

I'm actually not too sure what kind of therapy they are using for me, it's mainly just sit down and talk and prescribe meds! I was sent to the Anxiety Disorder Clinic at St Vincents hospital and was seen by a psychiatrist there. He basically told me i was wasting his time and there was nothing wrong with me. That was a huge set back for me considering I had finally had the courage to step up and do something about the way I was feeling (we all know that's not easy). He also asked me a large amount of questions about my sexual live which I found highly irrelevant. When I told him those questions sounded very unnecessary, that's when he said I had been a waste of his time. I went back to my normal psychologist and she said she had heard a few other people complain about him too, she told me a psychiatrist that she thought would be helpfull for me. I have been seeing him for about 4 months now and have had 5 or 6 sessions. I like him, although it seems as though he is just prescribing meds and not really helping with anything else. He has also heard complaints about the other doctor. He has prescribed me with some medication but i haven't started taking it yet, I've heard so many terrible things about it.

I went to the Brain and Mind Institute RPA yesterday and had a consultation with a Professor of Neurology.  He seemed very knowledgeable and I really did like him. He is going to contact me today with some names of psychologist's and psychiatrists who he thinks will be of help to me. Then later wants to send me for an MRI to see whats going on with my brain.

It does seem a lot like a phobia considering I am petrified of these certain things, and it's a constant battle in my own mind. I keep telling myself its not that bad to be sick, it happens to everyone, it's just the way life is, but then my OCD kicks in and tells me it's not going to be ok. I'm just scared and have never really found anyone who understands and can talk to me about it. I know if i didn't have this anxiety about getting sick it would just be about something else, and I really don't want to spend my life like this! It effecting me in every way possible, mentally, physically, emotionally, my financial situation is terrible because I can't hold a job, and my family is very far from well off so they can't help me much (although they try their best) and its also effecting my relationship with everyone I care about!

Yes I discuss these feelings with both my psychologist and psychatrist, but haven't really had any outcome. They think possibly my anxiety is feeding off something and that's my fear of being sick, which does make quite a lot of sense. Who knows! The mind is a crazy thing!   

[JessF]

Hello Gemma, what a dreadful thing for a psychiatrist to say you are wasting his time!  You have every right to question his approach, as a young woman being asked random questions about my sex life by an older man like that I would feel creeped out.  And if he did believe that was relevant, he should have had no problems at all explaining to you why.  I'm very glad you have changed to someone else, I only hope that someone makes a formal complaint about him because we shouldn't be exposed to people like that when we'er at our most vulnerable.

The neurologist sounds positive. The mind is indeed a crazy mystery! But I have been lucky with the therapists I have seen that they have been quite active, setting goals for our time together and not just sitting back and listening.  Again, it's perfectly ok to question the approach and talk about what you want to achieve. I don't know too much about phobias but I do know that there are specific approaches that are used to help deal with them.  I remember seeing something once about 'desensitisation' for someone who was afraid of spiders, it works by gradually exposing the person to the thing they are afraid of in little steps and in controlled environments.  I'm not sure how that would work with your nausea, but I'm guessing it would start by identifying the steps that happen in your thought process when you start to feel ill. 

Geoff, one of the other members on here knows about OCD so I hope he can chip in and help too.

[AJL]

Hey Gemma, been through some tough times my self lately but have decided to take a different road on my way to help.. I have been taking a herbal supplement and I have to say my anxiety and stress has all but gone I am even driving again and eating a proper diet ..

[Arrie97]

Hello Gemma,

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through - not many people understand how hard it is dealing with these feelings and thoughts that are so overwhelming - often it does feel like your mind is a prison.

I'm 24 myself and haven't seen anyone about my problems, which I believe are social anxiety and possibly some components of OCD from reading the posts here. I know what you mean by being so young and feeling like this is holding you back. I've had this since I can remember and it haunts me to think that while other children my age were happy and care free, I had this darkness that plagued me and stopped me from living a full life. You know you're suppose to be out there, meeting people, enjoying new experiences, and yet your mind is stopping you, so I really feel for you.

I'm so sorry to hear about that creepy psychologist - it sounds like he just got into the profession to prey on young girls! How awful of him to say to you that you are wasting his time. That's a worst nightmare for people like us! If he really had your best interests at heart, he would never say such things. I'm glad that you're seeing someone better now and I hope it is really helping you.

I'm seeing my GP this weekend to organise some therapy. I know they may prescribe meds, but I'm very scared of them too. I know the side effects can be very hard to deal with. Let me know how you travel with them if you end up going ahead.

I also wanted to let you know that I understand your anxiety over getting sick. I get a bit anxious and scared when I'm feeling ill in the stomach because I have a fear of vomiting. It's nowhere near as bad as what you are going through, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in how you feel. You are right that if this fear of viruses didn't worry you, something else would. I think my mind always needs something to be anxious about (I have no idea why!) and it seems a common theme with all people suffering anxiety.

I hope you are doing well and that things are working out for you. Please let us know how you travel - it really helps to read about other people's experiences.