Passing on anxiety to children

[jess334]

I have a long history (15 years) of anxiety and depression. I am fairly stable now and managed to come off medication about 2 years ago.

I had my first child in January, and while I managed to side step post partum depression, my anxiety has been worse. I have a mental health plan and am seeing a psychologist too.

However recently I have been overwhelmed with feelings of guilt that my son might inherit my anxiety. Mental health problems are rampant in my family, although my partners family doesn't have the same issues.

My psyc says to remember that there are good things that anxiety brings with it; such as compassion, sensitivity, ability to think through situations etc. While I agree with this, I don't think the trade offs are worth it tbh.

I know if he gets the genetics there isn't much I can do to stop the anxiety from occurring, but does anyone else have anxious children? Are there any signs I should look out for? Is there a way to start teaching him how to cop from an early age?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi jess334,

Thank you for your post. I don't have any children so I can't answer your other questions but I hope to be a mum so maybe I can be somewhat helpful?

It does personally concern me that I could be 'handing down' my genetics of anxiety and depression to my children. Both of those conditions also run in the family (aunties/uncles/grandparents) so even if I didn't personally have it there may be a chance that they could get it anyway.

One of the things that gives me comfort is that 1 in 3 of us will get a mental health issue; so while anxiety and depression is difficult (and that can be an understatement) to live with - it's common. You may have kids and they could get it, or they might not too - but chances are they will know an enormous amount of people with it.

and finally - we know about it. We're all too familiar with anxiety and depression. This means that we can be aware of the very early stages. I would have loved to have that support from my family and I know how important it can be in both recognising it and getting help. Kids are always vulnerable to mental health yet they are rarely taught about it or talk about it - in a sense seeing that vulnerability can be a strength so they can start to learn skills early on (like self-regulating or noticing some unhelpful beliefs/thoughts). That in itself can build so much resilience that they might not have built otherwise.

Hope this is somewhat helpful - KidsMatter also have a variety of info which I'll link to below

https://www.kidsmatter.edu.au/mental-health-matters/mental-health-difficulties/anxiety

[Anxioussinglemum]

Hi Jess,

I completely understand your concern. When I was pregnant with my now 4yr old daughter, I was freaking out that I was going to pass down to her my anxiety and depression.

So far I haven't seen any unusual signs of any anxiety, apart from the normal stuff that kids go through, and even that is pretty minimal. I have had anxiety since I can remember. When I was a kid I had shocking social anxiety that has since grown into GAD. Some of the signs that you could watch out for is excessive clingyness, not wanting to join in with group activities outside of school like swimming lessons, sport on the weekend or afternoon, not wanting to go to school, my way of trying to get out of school was having a sick tummy, which I genuinely thought I had every day of school until I left school and started a new job and there was that sick tummy but I finally realised it was anxiety. I didn't want to go to sleep overs at my friends when I was little and mum could never leave me at a birthday party or I would have a meltdown plus bleeding nose, sick tummy and then the fatigue would set in. Mum said I was also kinda quiet compared to other kids.

I am super grateful so far that I am not seeing any of these signs in my daughter and actually seeing quite the opposite, a very outgoing, sociable, confident little person for the most part. What helps me though, when I think she could still inherit my anxiety/depression, is that at least I know what I'm looking at, what the signs are and how she is feeling and I will be able to relate to her and can get her the help and support she needs if it ever comes to that.

Hope this has helped x