Particular Person Causing my panic attacks

[SarahSarah44]

I was wondering whats some ways people have healthy gotten over being able to accept/ move past a person who is their trigger?

I have this one girl in my life that has followed me from my last relationship to my new one that sets me off

Bit of a backstory

My first boyfriend and I dated on and off for 5 years, (he was always the one to break it off and I really should not of gotten back together with him) anyway he had a group of friends that weren't really my people, they would complain that I was too shy and congratulate me if I was more social on a particular occasion. Anyway, our second last break up, one of his female friends was talking to me as he was on his way home to break up with me and pretty much had me spill all my emotions about it to her and then she never replied... next message I got was a snap chat from her of the girl he left me for dancing with his dad at his 21st. maybe two weeks after we broke up

She would post about him and her all of socials, knew then are there not to trust her again

When I got back together with him, seeing her made me feel sick and my heart would race and I didn't know it then, but almost have a panic attack. So I would attend anything she would be at.

Then we broke up again

all good I moved on... started seeing a Psychologist once a week and really rebuild my confidence, joined a soccer team, made some wonderful friends and was really happy and such a good place.

Then I connected with my new/current boyfriend, he's wonderful and we were friends first, so me and his really close friends already knew each other and have our own mini friendships before him

well now that horrible girl is sleeping with my boyfriends twin brother...(she broke up his 6 year relationship to get there too) and she's at the house alot (pre covid)

every time I see her I have a panic attack, my boyfriends family mentions her my stomach drops and I feel the need to vomit

My boyfriend is amazing about it and doesn't want her apart of his family (because of the breaking of the brothers relationship and my history with her)

But I don't want his family to have to pick, I don't want my boyfriend to have to pick and I don't want to be anywhere around her and I don't want her in my life

Only thing thats been crossing my mind lately is to break up with my boyfriend, but I really love him and don't want to break my heart or his

Was hoping you guys have ways for me to overcome this, to not feel small and scared when I see her or hear her name

[ecomama]

Hi SarahSarah44

Welcome to the forums and I hope you get the solution you're seeking here or anywhere.

I just popped in to respond to your thread and congratulate you on starting it. It takes courage, so well done.

I think this is definitely one for your psych!

I'll be honest and say I had a whole family that triggered me at different levels and it felt like they took turns to do it on purpose. In hindsight they did lol... Thank God I'm NC with 100% of them.

There may be some specific therapy you can attend to help you with this one person. The BB Helpline may be able to help point you in the right direction there.

Sometimes our reactions to someone or some thing and I'd say she is the latter lol... is similar to a 'life and death' reaction. This is not true in your case. Let's call her S.
So S doesn't ACTUALLY hold any power over you whatsoever. Zip zilch, nada nothing.

You ALLOWING S to create some huge reaction within you is simply not on. We can both agree that S is truly not worth your time or your space in your beautiful mind. Rationally you know this. Emotionally there's a past connection. Presently a psychological reaction.

You could; imagine S as a caricature... a psych gave me this one lol, you know a cartoon character. Be careful not to laugh too loudly when you see S next.
You could; imagine she's simply not going to be at any family events and imagine an empty space wherever S is when you get there. pfft who cares.

My counsellor said I'm into "immersion therapy" and do it to myself all the time (not recommended to everyone). This means that whatever scares me I go full throttle into it (with support) until I've conquered that fear. It's part of my bull-headed character lol. You know when a person has a snake phobia and they get into a snake pit lol to get rid of this fear, with help ofcourse.

The thing is that S isn't going anywhere and you have no control over that relationship. You can bring it all back to what IS within your control. Go from there.

You have a great guy. Letting S ruin another thing you have is not on the table. It was the ex's decision to have S, whatevs, you dodged a nasty there anyway, maybe you could THANK her lol! High five her and tell her why... just joking.

You've really got this girlfriend.
EM