OCD

[OCD]

Hi there,

I am a 26 year old female and I was diagnosed with OCD in year 2. Brief overview of my OCD over the years includes disturbing thoughts about having a physical illness, fear of snapping and killing someone, fear of doing something sexually inappropriate in the past, and fear of being crazy or having schizophrenia. I’ve had and still have both physical and mental compulsions to accompany these wonderful thoughts. Doing compulsions makes me feel as if I’m preventing something bad from happening. If I don’t do one, it’s not worth the anxiety so I’ve always given in. The thing that bothers me the most are thoughts that I have that tell me NOT to do things, such as don’t eat that or someone will die today, don’t say the word thanks or someone in the world will die, don’t get a tattoo or you will die etc. The result of these thoughts is usually me avoiding doing the thing as the thought of causing something to happen is unbearable. I tell myself that I didn’t want to do those things anyway, I guess to make myself feel better about being bossed around by my thoughts.

My boyfriend and I dated for 3 months before making it official. During those 3 months I fooled around with a male friend. I convinced myself I had cheated and told my boyfriend. He said it wasn’t cheating and he didn’t care. However the thought I cheated didn’t leave. I obsessed about it constantly and had compulsions as well.

My boyfriend and I decided to move out and then a new thought popped into my head. I had betrayed my friend (my friends ex) (I only see her at group gatherings). I wanted to get reassurance that she didn’t hate me but I couldn’t tell her as it wasn’t my business to tell and it would have caused more issues between her and my male friend. I also knew it was a compulsion and wouldn’t make me feel any better to get reassurance.

So I moved out (first time with my first serious bf) and the thoughts have been as follows for months now

- I don’t deserve to be in a relationship

- I am going to hell for cheating

- I am going to get karma for being a shit friend

- This karma will involve my family dying, my future kids dying or the consequence of something shit happening in the world if I have kids

- That I’m having anxiety and these thoughts because I want to break up with my boyfriend deep down

- That the only way I can prevent things happening is to break up with him

I am seeing a psychologist in a weeks time as I’ve finally had enough. Advice till then?

🙂

[Summer Rose]

Hi OCD

Welcome to the bb forum and thank you for sharing your story.

My daughter has OCD and I have cared for and supported her for the past 8 years. I'm so sorry that you also have this illness and are currently experiencing such distressing thoughts.

I'm going to tell you what I would tell my girl ...

Those thoughts are just that, thoughts. They cannot hurt you. They are lieing to you. They will eventually pass.

You have no control over when they pop in, so don't be hard on yourself. This is not your fault. Most importantly, these thoughts are not you. OCD is messing with you, like a school yard bully.

Some strategies that may help at present, include distracting your mind (e.g doing something with your hands like drawing), exercising (maybe run, walk or ride outside) and making sure you are getting enough rest (things are always worse when you're tired).

I want you to know that it can get better with the right treatment and I am very pleased that you are starting the process. You are very brave and I believe you will be better able to stand up to OCD in time. For now just try your best to ride it out.

Courage to you

[Evilovd]

I have the same thoughts harm other and very bad sexual thoughts. People think ocd are neat freaks, but they don't understand how power a simple thought.

[geoff]

Good Morning OCD, and pleased that you've had two replies.

With OCD we have these thoughts and obsessions because we believe it will prevent something bad from happening, that's how our brain behaves to try and stop these uncomfortable emotions that accompany an intrusive or unwanted thought and then reduce anxiety.

Sometimes we try not to perform these, and I say this metaphorically, but an obsession has the strength to force us to either do it or do it more times than expected or to introduce another OCD.

Intrusive thoughts are also very demanding and can include terrible thoughts about someone we love, especially every time we see them.

Once you move from one house over to another one, in a different area, then some compulsions and obsessions may stop but be replaced by another one.

Take care.

Geoff.