OCD thing i wrote about me and my diagnosis

[Gedgirl]

I guess rant ahead.... also may trigger some people.
I worry every day about my inevitable death. Sometimes to the point of making myself sick. And i struggling daily with the fact that despite any choices i make in life it all results in my inevitable death.
I worry constantly about the fact i won't get to spend forever with the ones i love because it will always end. It makes me feel sick thinking about all the experiences and feelings life offers and that resulting in nothingness. I regularly count the number of years i have til 80+(general death area) and rationalise that it won't go fast and break it down into five or 10 year blocks to ease my mind.
These thoughts affect my daily life.
I also deal with continuous thoughts of contracting deadly diseases. Cancer being an example. No this does not mean i tell everyone i have cancer. It means i obsess over things. Potential symptoms. I worry excessively about my health. And no this differs from hypochondria yes the symptoms are very similar but my diagnosis is OCD. extreme excessive and compulsive thoughts around this area. I apologise for the novel and the rant but its important for people to know there is always a reason behind the 'odd' behaviours of others and if you feel this way or similar there is help you can access because it is not considered normal to stress this much over these things

[SammyB]

Hey Gedgirl, thanks for sharing. It sounds exhausting, constantly having these thoughts cross your mind. I have not experienced OCD so I can’t even begin to imagine what you have been through. Everyone has their own thoughts surrounding death, and it can be difficult for many to accept that we won’t be able to spend forever with the ones we love. Have you found anything previously or currently that has helped ease your mind?

It seems that you have developed a strong sense of self-awareness as you are able to identify how having OCD has impacted your daily life and recognize how irrational it can be to stress this much over these thoughts. Also, despite all these thoughts overwhelming your mind, it seems that this does not stop you from wanting to spread awareness on how people experience OCD and are encouraging others to access help. I commend you for that and appreciate the insight.

Take care

[PamelaR]

Hi Gedgirl and welcome to Beyond Blue

SammyB has responded beautifully to you. So sorry that your post seems to have slipped through without a response before now. It's no reflection on you, just the winter bug season I think.

As SammyB said, life sounds very exhausting for you. The continuous worry about your health and death. I have anxiety, depression and PTSD. There are a few quirks of my personality that could be described as OCD, though, these are manageable.

So I don't give you a whole heap of information you already know, can you give me some idea about what you've done in the past to try and manage your health anxiety? E.g. do you have -

• regular doctor's visits
• health professional therapy (psychologist, counsellor)
• journalling
• regular talks with close family or trusted friend about your concerns
• exercise
• activities (e.g. hobbies, clubs, sports)

Once again sorry for such a late response. Keep reaching out if and when you want to Gedgirl. You are not alone.

Kind regards

PamelaR