OCD and intrusive thoughts.. help please!

lisalovesbacon · ‎06-12-2014

I find that my thoughts are either a fear of disease (sometimes I fear AIDS, cancer (mostly skin cancer), heart disease, etc. And then I get the fears of hurting my close loved ones which is absolute torture, my current one is hurting my partner and this is the one I can't stand the most. I' m scared these thoughts mean it will actually happen.
I was going really well for a long time and a bout of stress due to giving up my dog brought out the harming ones again, I can barely sleep or eat while I'm like this. Sad part is, I'm just about to embark on a holiday and I don't think I'll enjoy it.
What I keep repeating to myself is that I have gotten past these thoughts before, and I WILL do it again. Nothing is going to control my life but me.
I'm currently not on medication, but I'm starting to think it might be a good idea. Thanks for reading.

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geoff · ‎07-12-2014

dear Lisa, how can I say this but welcome to the illness that I have had for 54 years.

I am so sorry that you have OCD, because it really is a terrible illness that does control our minds, and one of it's symptoms are what you have mentioned, and it's only this week or perhaps last week that I was talking to someone with the same complaint, and I'm sorry I have forgotten their name, so I do apologise for this.

If however you type OCD in the search bar above there will be an enormously large amount of comments about this topic.

By saying this doesn't mean that I am neglecting your comment, because what you have said is a very disconcerting issue if you do have OCD, and it used to happen with me, but now I have learnt on how to just push them away, and can actually have a laugh of dreaming about them now, whereas before they did really worry me.

In the latest reply to this person I explained on what happened with me.

Unfortunately when someone posts a comment about their OCD which is one of my favourite topics, simply because I've had it for so long, correspondence between the two of us ends so I don't know how they are getting on.

I could answer your post but you might find so much more from typing OCD in the search bar, but I would love for you to ask anything at all.

When are you due to go on holidays. L Geoff. x

Beltane · ‎07-12-2014

Hiya 😄 OCD can certainly be distressing, as can other aspects of "mentally interesting" conditions (i prefer that term to "mentally ill"). depression, anxiety and other conditions also cause distressing thoughts

Medication can help people who are right for it- you should discuss this with a doctor and try to be open-minded, consider it from a balanced point of view and try not to automatically resist without at least considering. It balances the chemicals in our heads that can be out of whack, such as serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine, which helps keeps our brains stable and well.

The really big thing for many mentally interesting people is to get counselling and therapy to learn to manage the ups and downs of their condition.

i personally love acceptance and commitment therapy. it uses techniques like mindfulness which is about being fully present and aware in the present and not regretting the past or excessively worrying over the future. its also about becoming educated and aware on your own self- so when an intrusive thought comes into your head you an acknowledge it as "oh yes its the Health Worrier Thought". By doing this you begin to recognise that thoughts are just that- thoughts. we dont argue with them, or try to prove them wrong, or debate them- we just acknowledge them and then go on about our day. over time they vastly lose their power. i like to think of my intrusive thoughts as a Toddler with a temper tantrum. by merely acknowledging it and going on with our lives, the toddler learns that it has no power to sway you- as does an intrusive thought, so they lose their power.

my favourite book to learn about and practice these techniques is "the Happiness Trap" by Dr Russ Harris, and an iphone app called "ACT Companion".

Another popular therapy is CBT which is about changing negative thought patterns into more realistic thoughts. So instead of "i cant cope" its "i am uncomfortable but i can cope by using my coping techniques"

With therapy and/ or meds you can get yourself stable and well, and while you may always be prone to interesting thoughts- you can learn to focus on the positive.

Eg i have bipolar and i like to focus on the fact that because of it, i am very creative, very emotionally aware, and very insightful into myself. A lot of the best artists and inventors in the world were thought to have mental issues. So i deal with the bad stuff, and celebrate on the good stuff

lisalovesbacon · ‎14-12-2014

Hi all, I thought I'd update here since I actually got worse since my original post. I ended up in hospital twice, I was asking them to admit me. Worst part of this whole situation is I ruined a holiday my partner and I organised together, it was a 10 day cruise worth a few grand which we may not get back just because I had a major panic attack after boarding. Apart from feeling immense guilt I'm in a pretty bad depressed stage, not to mention anxious 24/7. I know he'll never forgive me, and that makes me feel worse. I broke his heart by ruining a holiday he had looked forward to for many months... 😞

Zeal · ‎14-12-2014

Hi Lisa,

I'm really sorry to hear about your panic attack just before setting off on holiday. Please try not to blame yourself for this. OCD already creates enough guilt all on its own! You didn't want to "ruin" your holiday - a panic attack is extremely difficult to control. Then wasn't the right time for a holiday unfortunately. Focus on getting yourself in a better headspace. If your partner is fully dedicated to you he will make an effort to learn to understand that what happened was beyond your control. The panic attack and hospitalisation shows you really need care and support. I hope you can find the right treatment solution for you.

I have had OCD for about 8 years now, and it really can get in the way of your life. I too cancelled a trip I was going on. It was when I was at school, and we got our money back because my parents wrote a letter to the school explaining the situation. You could try asking your medical professional to contact the travel company and explain what happened? Even if you can't get a refund, at least you know you tried.

Having a calm talk to your partner is important (sorry if you have already more than covered this!) If your partner acted angry or frustrated at first, that was just his immediate reaction. As he learns from your doctor/psychiatrist/other medical professional about the nature of OCD and realises how debilitating this illness is, he will learn to adjust and cope. When you say your partner will never forgive you, you will probably find this to be untrue 🙂 It may seem that way now, but things will change.

A great workbook I was given in hospital called 'The OCD Workbook' by Hyman and Pedrick would be useful for your OCD. It can be bought online, and can also be accessed on Kindle, if you have one. There are chapters specifically designed to address your OCD symptoms and behaviours.

Good luck with recovery,
SM

lisalovesbacon · ‎04-01-2015

Completely forgot to come back here to thank everyone for their posts, they really helped! I'm much better now, doctor put me on medication and it seems to be working well.
Still getting some weird intrusive thoughts but they seem to pass. The ones that upset me most are the violent ones, the ones about sexuality (thinking I'm gay, when I know I'm not) and liking people romantically who I have never looked at like that.
Trying to just keep pushing forward, but it is so very hard.