Noise anxiety

[Frogs]

Hi~ I'm 32 and 5 years ago came down with sinusitis followed by neck pain, which resulted in my leaving work, I've had 5 surgeries. Being unwell and at home a lot, noisy neighbors really started to grate on me. I guess I've always been a bit noise sensitive, without going in to my past too much, I was neglected as a child and didn't have a sense of safety & security. Have had crippling anxiety before, particularly ages 21-25. Have come a long way in general but noise is something I just can't seem to get over. I think it's largely due to the morality of it. For example, there's no need to play music so loud the whole neighborhood can hear. There's way to have fun without being a nuisance, it's just selfish. Noise that is essential, like construction, doesn't bother me nearly as much nor does it when I'm out.

At our last house it started with a nearby school upgrading their loud speakers. From 8-3 weekdays you'd hear 'ding dong announcement' at least twice an hour. Was so loud, could hear what they'd say clear as day. The street was very busy with parking, which would set off a dog between 8-9 & 3-4. I started using earplugs and sleeping until 4pm just to bypass the noise. Night was the only time you could get peace in that house. Then the house across from us had a group of teens move in who were always in their yard having illegal bonfires. The smoke irritated my sinuses so much I know have a phobia of smoke. I'm cutting it short with the character limit but it was so bad we decided to move.

We chose a solid brick house in a country town, at the end of a dead-end street, opposite a paddock. Should be peaceful right? Soon after, the block next to us started construction. I was worried about them having a dog so politely mentioned it before they moved in. They did and it was fine until they got another dog. It would bark as soon as it heard our door open and would continue relentlessly until we came back in. Goodbye gardening hobby. By this stage, hubby is working at home and I'm sleeping normal hours. After speaking to them many times (nice people actually), they solved the small dog but now their big dog is doing the same thing. They do not walk them. We're also nestled between two people who work on cars and rev their engines. We get a ridiculous amount of traffic for a dead-end. Was woken up at 8 today by the dog and then someone else started blasting music that I yelled at them to turn it down, they called me rude. Feeling sick from anxiety tbh

[therising]

Hi Frogs

I really feel for you so much. People can be so thoughtless and highly triggering, to the point where you just want to scream.

I've been reading up a little lately on the impact of sound and the effect it can have on us, nervous system included. Never thought about it before the research, how sound is generally not all that much of an issue until it triggers emotion. Once it triggers emotion, sound can take you to the brink of insanity. Personally, I'm a gal who loves to feel peace. It's a beautiful feeling 🙂 At times it's hard to not take it personally, the feeling of people taking your sense of peace away from you. There have been several instances in the past where I've wanted to scream at some of the neighbours 'What the hell is wrong with you people? Don't you enjoy peace?!'. From neighbours with almost constantly barking dogs through to the neighbours that feel compelled to turn up the volume of the music and the swearing the drunker they get, it can do my head in at times. It can leave you feeling seriously ripped off at times. Kind of like 'I've literally paid for this space, this piece of property, and the people around me are making it unbearable to live here, in the place I've spent a lot of money on'.

Some people swear by noise cancelling headphones. They say it's changed their life. Wondering if this could be something you could include in your toolbox of sound management, as opposed to earplugs. Another thing might include treating yourself to time away on the odd occasion, even if it's just for a weekend once every few months. Is there some music you can play. If your goal is to drown out the sound your neighbours make and they complain about your music you could tell them you need to have it at this volume to drown out the noise they're making. Could you pick some music that has a positive emotional impact on you? Reporting noise pollution could be another way to go. If a neighbour won't manage the pollution they spew out, the EPA will lead them to manage it. If you have access to a car, leaving the property when things get to much could be another way of managing at times. I've done this myself on occasion, when the noise has been at angering levels.

You'd like to think that yelling at the neighbours to be more conscious would have some impact. Unfortunately, some people just refuse to wake up. With sound being a form of energy, you can feel when the energy levels get too much for the body to bear.

I feel so much for you.

[Frogs]

Thank you for your understanding. Yep, thoughtless people are everywhere but it's honestly more than just the fact I paid for my house. Security, peace and stability is something I crave on a primal level. Honestly feels like I can't catch a break, there's always some jerk doing the wrong thing. What gets me is it should be OBVIOUS that some actions will disturb others. That's just selfish and doesn't sit well with me, particularly as throughout my life, I've always tried to remain kind and amicable. It's kind of gotten me nowhere and I'm starting to feel like another approach is needed. If people are being selfish jerks, maybe I should just tell them rather than politely putting up with it for months. If they want to play obnoxiously loud music, maybe I should shine a spotlight on their house when they're trying to sleep. Idk but I've well and truly had it with selfish people who are able to do whatever they want whilst good people suffer.

I do have headphones which I use sometimes but it can get uncomfortable. Also have Mute noise filtering earplugs. It's not a long-term solution and also feels like a bandaid solution. I'm not going to play loud music and do the same thing to others who don't deserve it. I do go for hour long walks 1-4 times a week and day trips usually weekly. I'm taking the matter of the dog to the council since we've spoken to them atleast a dozen times now and I kid you not, it's barked and howled hundreds, if not thousands of times in the last 48 hours. I only yelled at the person with the music because they literally couldn't hear me otherwise. They yelled something back which I couldn't hear over the music. I'm also planning to return to work to help us save enough to hopefully buy a big block of land but I've read similar posts on here where people did that and still couldn't escape noise 😆

Thanks again for your reply!

[therising]

Hi Frogs

It's definitely frustrating when you're exercising a level of consciousness that serves those around you but you're not getting the same in return. It can be incredibly triggering. Sometimes I imagine myself retiring in a beautiful not too expensive retirement community where a number of rules apply. No disturbing dogs allowed, no upsetting music/noise levels and a whole stack of other peaceful rules. At 51, this might still be a little ways off. My mum lives somewhere like this, in one of about 50 something little houses/units. It's like a peaceful home base, where you can still adventure out from. Definitely no bonfires there 🙂 The occasional rule breakers are set straight by the body corp.

I'm glad you're looking forward to moving, definitely something to look forward to. I think people have become less conscious over the years and a little more self serving. Just a generalisation of course. Not everyone's like that. I really feel for you, having met so many non conscious neighbours over time. I think neighbours used to be far more conscious than what they are now. I think people have developed this sense of self entitlement when it comes to what they should feel free to do, even if it means upsetting others. The mantra of such people is pretty much 'It's not my problem if others can't tolerate the noise'.

The world is definitely a noisier place, compared to what it used to be like. While I live under the flight path of a pilot training airport, the traffic has increased over time which doesn't bother me all that much but add to that the introduction of whipper snippers into this world, every next door neighbour but one having had a dog or dogs which bark a lot, my husband's love of having the tv up loud in the back yard bungalow/man cave, one of the neighbour's love of loud music and my little backyard sanctuary becomes unbearable when all that comes together at once. I can feel my own nervous system and gradually rising levels of fury.

I get where you're coming from with the dogs next door that you mentioned. I feel like saying to our neighbours 'You do understand your dog's trying to communicate something to you. It's bored out of it's brain, desperate for attention and seriously desperate to get out of the back yard'. I've never known them to walk it. While the dog triggers me, I feel for it. The poor thing's probably depressed and all they seem to do is shut it down by screaming at it 'Shut up!'. Some people are neglectful and insane.

[Amanda2000]

Hi Frogs,

I have the same issue with noise. It's been really difficult during these past 2 years with the "COVID-stay at home" thing when my family is at home with me all the time. Every little sound they make drives me nuts. Some people say regular exposure to the anxiety-trigger can help you get used to it and then you would become immune to the trigger over time. It's been the contrary for me. My state-of-mind is much worse now compared to the time of the first lockdown. I long to feel some calmness again.

I try to cope by using distraction - eg. watch tv/put up the volume, doing chores. Not easy when I don't feel a sense of peace to be able to fully enjoy the tv show, but every little bit helps me get through the days.

[therising]

Hi Amanda

I think you've hit the nail on the head, when it comes to finding what works to some degree in relation to managing sound or noise. Frustrating thing is you can find what works in one case and then realise it doesn't work for everything else and it only works under certain circumstances. For example, what works to drown out the sound of a barking dog might be using certain music with headphones on but it won't work when you've got a lot of stressful internal dialogue going on. Your thoughts, in this case, drown out the sound of the music playing. Frustrating!

One of the things that helps me manage each day, to some degree, is the couple of hours I have to myself in the morning in my back yard between 4 and 6am. If I don't get my 'time of peace' at the start of each day I'm more easily agitated during the day. For me, for sleep to be the only time out from the everyday noises isn't enough. I need conscious time to experience the lack of noise. To be honest, if I had barking dogs next door to me between 4 and 6am, I'd be knocking on the neighbours door questioning them as to why they can't hear it and why they won't figure out ways to stop it. If anyone or anything was to interrupt my early morning time out, my usual easy going self would disappear. I just couldn't tolerate it, losing that time.

I think I've got most of my sound triggers worked out. I'm sure there's plenty more beyond that although I'm not fully aware of them at this point. I think if we can identify each individual trigger it can help to some degree. The sound of my husband's V8 Commodore triggers me every time he starts that engine. Dripping taps, ticking clocks, barking dogs (repetitive noises drive me crazy). Self serving sounds that reflect thoughtlessness towards others trigger me. Shopping centre food courts trigger me to agitation, where there's a huge combination of sounds all happening at once (a lot of people all speaking at the same time and no carpeting to absorb some of that sound). It's a bit of a list so I won't go on. Yep, I'm a gal who's easily triggered 🙂 Each individual trigger is managed in specific ways. An overload of triggers tends to trigger the fight or flight response - either I'll escape it or suddenly the crazy ranting maniac in me will be channeled to life through that overload.

Have been doing a bit of research on 'Binaural beats' and how sound can alter brainwaves. Research on sound and brainwave activity can be quite a rabbit hole thing 🙂

[Amanda2000]

Hi therising,

I agree totally!!!!

I also need my 'time of peace' like you. But it's stressful having to live outside of other people's "normal hours". My sleep suffers as a result. It's a trade-off between physical health and mental health that I'm constantly struggling to balance.

Regarding no carpeting, my house is mostly tiled downstairs! Noises from the open-kitchen travel through the hallway and then up the stairs. It's like I have nowhere to hide when my family is at home.

Your words have given me plenty of comfort - thank you. Much needed to get prepared for the long noisy weekend to come, haha.

[Frogs]

Hi therising! That sounds peaceful where your Mum lives. Funnily enough, when we were moving, we were considering a house on a pristine cul-de-sac. The listing didn't say anything about it being a retirement community but the real estate agent mentioned it. I'm only 32 but thought that might not be so bad, being surrounded by older people haha. I also often imagine myself somewhere with lots of rules. Japan comes to mind. There it's considered rude to talk loudly on public transport for example. I do think Australia has a bit of a party culture and societies sense of entitlement has shifted, as you said. The world is definitely a busier place. I remember going for Sunday drives with my Dad, back when there was no weekend trading and there'd be hardly any cars on the road. May be the worlds growing population crisis has something do with it. Have you heard of the global hum phenomenon? At my last house you could hear a loud hum of presumably traffic starting around 5am but at that time of morning, there's not that many cars on the road, was strange.

I'm glad you've found a way to get a couple hours peace in the morning in your yard, that's a good coping mechanism in order to tackle the day. I understand being protective of that time. For me, it's sleep. If I'm woken multiple days in a row by neighbours, that's when I start to get really frustrated about it. My sound triggers are similar to yours but particularly noises that are inconsistent because it causes anticipation anxiety. Humorously, classical music can also do this because of all the highs and lows.

I know the dogs are just desperately bored but that doesn't make me feel better in the moment tbh. I worked with animals and irresponsible owners is something that just irks me in general. I think people should need a license in order to own pets. There could be a test, even just to make people think about the decision.

[therising]

Hi Frogs

Yay! Someone else who's heard the hum in one of it's various forms. I heard it for a number of months before I suddenly stopped hearing it. Sitting outside in quietness in the morning, that's when I'd hear it. It's a hard sound to explain to people. The kind of hum I heard was like a very deep stretched out humming whirring type sound. I couldn't help but research it and was relieved to find it wasn't just me. So many theories when it comes to what it's all about. It's fascinating to get everyone's take on it.

I agree with you about the level of scrutiny when it comes to people desiring animals to be a part of their household. There should be a full on questionnaire with questions that cover serving an animal's sensitivity, emotional intelligence and natural intelligence or instinct etc. While a parent's tested to understand all the different cries and physical behaviours of their non verbal baby (from the 'I have poop in my nappy' cry through to 'I'm hungry' or 'I'm under stimulated'), same should go for understanding the communication of pets. Some pet owners have so much respect for their little friends and work so hard on the relationship, others simply buy a pet as a form of personal amusement to stave off boredom or because it leads them to feel good. So, for self serving reasons, kind of like 'As long as it does what it's told and doesn't upset me, I'm good'. Btw, some parents can be like that too. When I listen to the dude next door who I've heard scream 'Shut up!' at his dog so many times, he's the same guy who I hear often saying to his kids 'I don't care. You'll do as you're told!'. Dude, 'I don't care', really? I feel like saying to him 'You know if you say that often enough to your kids, they'll eventually come to believe it. Be careful with that'.

Classical music can definitely be triggering. Being designed to conjure emotional response, those composers were masters at triggering people. You can feel their ability throughout your body. While I was raised through classical music through my dad's love of it, my mum was more into high vibey old style rock and roll as well as folk like Niel Diamond, The Platters and an emotional mix of other stuff. Music's definitely a powerful thing, therapeutic at times. Raising more of music's energy through volume is powerful. Highly triggering when your neighbours are doing it often and you don't want to experience the same type of energy they do. A lot of bass tends to send me insane 🙂

[Frogs]

Hi Amanda! Is Usagi your favorite senshi? Sailor Saturn fan here 😉 It's strange isn't it; You'd think that you'd get use to it after a while but it's certainly gotten worse for me too because it feels like a cumulative effect. I've also found distraction to be the best coping mechanism. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have my hobbies that I can sink hours in to. Without something to keep us engaged, we'd have nothing to do but sit around and overthink, which I've actually witnessed with a couple families members whose generalized anxiety has gotten really bad.

People's desire for respite is a primal need. When I was working and didn't have much noise anxiety, I still had such a deep desire for rest. I actually use to sleep all day on my days off, to the point I'd often feel sick from oversleeping but it did recharge me. The struggle of living outside most peoples 'normal hours' is real. There are jobs with afternoon or night shifts but good luck sleeping during the day. I do think the world is easier for not only extroverts but morning people.

Can you get a giant, dense rug to cover your room? I've also been looking at noise reducing curtains. Don't expect them to work but there's some at Ikea for only $99. Sharing a house is difficult. When my anxiety was at its worst, I lived my my bf and two of his adult step-children (strange, I know). The daughter nagged us constantly. When we were cooking, she'd always follow us out and just stand there, starting angrily. If we didn't do the dishes right away, literally before eating, she'd throw a tantrum. The toilet was next to the kitchen and every time I went, she'd follow me out and stand in the kitchen. It made me so anxious to go to the toilet that I actually ended up with a bowel obstruction which was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. Looking back, I can't believe I let her treat me that way and may be it had an impact on how noise conscientious I am now. Anyways, I know that feeling like you have nowhere to hide in your own home. Recently, I moved my entertainment set up to the spare room, still get noise but less so sometimes we just have to try to accept what is 'good enough', I suppose. May be you might feel more in control if you can do some things to sound-proof your room, even if just a little?