New job causing my anxiety to flare up quite badly. What do I do?

[JBat]

Hi all,

I started a new job 3.5 weeks ago and am unhappy and it's causing my anxiety to flare up because I don't know how to handle in. Just resign I hear you say, well I tried that but then because I felt guilty, I said I would stay and work from home the majority of the time and go into the office on Thursday's. The thought of going in tomorrow makes me feel sick. They don't know about my depression and anxiety as I am embarrassed and don't want to be judged. I have lied (I know it's wrong) and said I cannot get childcare and this is why I cannot remain in the job but really it's because my anxiety is so bad. Last Thursday when I was in the office I had to get my friend to call with an "emergency" so I could leave.

What do I do?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey JBat,

Thanks for your post.

Sorry to hear that anxiety is weighing down your work so heavily right now! Given that I don't know much about you or your role I'm just going to throw some suggestions out there and see if anything resonates.

- Speak to your manager or HR department. They are there only to support you and help you do your job. Depression and anxiety is so common nowadays that I can almost guarantee your manager will know so many people with it. I definitely understand that it can be embarrassing, but often the benefit of having that support can counteract that discomfort. Remember - long term support vs short-term embarrassment.

Sidenote - it can also help if you have some ideas in mind about how your manager can best support you. Saying "I have anxiety" vs "I have anxiety and it would help if you do x y z" can help them help you.

- Speak with a counsellor. They can help give you different strategies to work with your anxiety - whether it's mindfulness type strategies, ways to challenge your thinking/mindset or practical strategies like time management/organisation so that you're only dealing with one thing at a time.

- Try to focus on where the anxiety is about Thursday. Do you need to give a presentation? Is it talking with people? Being able to try and break down that fear into logic is ideal, even though that can be easier said than done sometimes!

Finally - remember they hired you. You're competent for the job.

Hope this helps

[anna1616]

Hi there, I also have anxiety and am in a slightly new role - and mine definitely flares up in times of stress, but know that that's normal for someone with anxiety and there's no need to be ashamed.

Know also that it's totally TOTALLY normal for ANYONE regardless of whether they have mental health conditions or not to feel stressed and overwhelmed in a new job. Don't beat yourself up - it takes time to learn and adjust. I know that's hard though when you have worrisome thoughts floating around your head.

Third - all jobs come with some level of stress. I can't emphasise enough exploring all of your options for treatment because if you are missing work due to anxiety then it's seriously affecting your life and you need to fight for your mental health and fight to get better! The biggest mistake I made when dealing with anxiety was not seeking help, and trying to do it all alone - I just ended up in fight or flight response 24/7 and trained my body to be anxious all the time!

Whether it's counselling or medication or a combination - you have many options and professionals who are trained to help you. I don't know whether you're seeking help yet - but it is essential - and not a sign of weakness. You can do so privately and no one (not even family or friends) need to know if you're not comfortable with it yet.

Regarding telling your workmates - I probably would advise against this if you're so new - but ultimately it's your decision. Let your colleagues get to know you and build up your relationships and trust with them first - then the conversation will be easier. I am waiting until around the six month mark to tell my colleagues, that said, I feel very trusted and suppported by them. If you tell colleagues that you don't know well, there is a chance they won't know how to respond - and I think that could impede building strong relationships at work. Ultimately it's whatever you feel comfortable doing.

Please don't give up! I almost had a bit of a melt down due to anxiety at work today, but I made it through the day and sometimes things turn around really quickly and the day can look up.

Finally - you didn't mention what is making you unhappy at work. If it is something serious, like workplace bullying or a bad office vibe - so basically anything that a person without a mental disorder should not have to deal with - then raise it with the relevant manager, or question whether the organisation is the right place for your to be.