New here, long term sufferer

[distelfink]

Hi there.

I'm reaching out because I feel like I'm losing control. I have anxiety and depression and health anxiety. I lost my Mama 8 years ago, when I was 23 to cancer and since then EVERYTHING I have is about my health. I have a pain, "omgosh I must have cancer"... A few weeks ago I had a really bad run, like the worst I've ever had with anxiety and panic attacks. Since then, I've been physically feeling parts of my body. My breast started to feel different - it was just my bra/clothing. Underneath the same breast it felt like I had bubbles or an unexplainable feeling - I have been noticing or been hyper aware of my clothing touching just this side. I have become so hyper aware of what my body is doing, I feel like it's driving me insane.

I'm completely fine when I wake. No pains, no feelings - until I start thinking about it.

I'm completely fine when I'm with friends or helping people - until I'm alone or left to my own devices... then everything becomes apparent.

I have this throat 'burn' it's like a burn but it doesn't hurt.. and then my tongue feels like I've burnt the tastebuds - but haven't. Or it gets numb... but only when I concentrate.

I saw a therapist a few years back and she recommended some herbal meds and mindfulness techniques - I've tried them.. and I was good for awhile. I have been looking for work; which I think is a major trigger... I'm terrified to work 😞

I found what I thought was a great help but now when I take it, I get bloated (or am?) I feel gassy but can't get relief - or I get relief when I stop taking these tablets. On them my anxiety is less. I tell you, I had a great week.. and then I started with the belly aches.. that over took my mind and here I am. I'm going crazy. Because if I'm busy or not thinking about them.... I can't feel a thing.

I'm scared to see the doctor. I'm scared they're going to tell me I have cancer. I keep telling the same stories to my friends and then I feel bad because it's all they hear. I'm losing control. I'm going from QLD to VIC in March, (want to) and I'm already stressing about leaving my friends and my dad; but this was my decision. I did the same thing when I left VIC to come home. I want to go back... but I wish I could take my friends.

My dad is 70 and all I think about is losing him but at the same time I can't stay here.

There are so many 'normal' things going on and in my stupid head... it's torture. 😞

[BballJ]

Hi distelfink,

Anxiety is very frustrating and when it comes in these waves, we literally have to ride them out as hard as it is, we just have too. I know how you are feeling and it sucks.

I am still not sure when we have a pain why we focus on it, I have a random bruise on my stomach and I have no idea how it got there but I see it every morning in the mirror and it freaks me out a bit. Surprisingly I haven't worried about it too much but, I normally would be poking it all day to see if there is pain other than a bruise. Which funnily enough just makes it worse. Anxiety huh.

What did you draw?

My best,

Jay

[distelfink]

Thanks Jay.

I don't know why we focus on it, either. I never used to.. it used to be "oh my stomach hurts... oh well" now.. it's "OMG IM MUST BE DYING"!

ahhh I'm glad you've been able to not worry too much about it!

I was doing some zentangling, I am doing a colouring book and I draw when I feel worrysome or stressed 🙂 It was a bull skull indian thing.. can't really remember what it's called haha!