My story – Am I Normal or Abnormal.

[justskips]

I was diagnosed with HER-2 positive breast cancer when in 2013 … I had 2 years of intensive chemotherapy. and I elected to have a double mastectomy and reconstruction, given the severity and grade of cancer. I also had 7 years of medication – total hormone blocking treatment.
It was a hard slog.
I lost my job and moved in with my mother, as I had recently broken up with my life long partner and had nowhere else to go. She cleaned up my vomit and lifted me up to take sips of water etc.
I then decided to be my mums full time carer until she died, for 7 years. I did for her what she did for me. and what no one else would do.
After all that I had to find my way again in a hard and unforgiving world. I had been out of the workforce for between 5 – 7 years.
I have been trying to get back into the workforce. Pre-cancer I was a very successful Software Engineer and IT manager, who had never been short of work in my life.
After knock back after knock back and a million reasons why I was unemployable, I went back to university to update my skills. I’m halfway through a Post Graduate degree in Cyber Security and getting distinctions. However, I have had to do it part-time because of the unrecognised and unspoken about side effects and long-lasting effects of cancer and cancer treatment.

I still suffer extreme fatigue, illness due to a compromised immune system and grief for the loss of my old superwoman self. This is compounded by the expectations of the society around me, who do not understand and who refuse to acknowledge that side effects exist. There is an overwhelming societal voice that says to you after you’ve survived cancer, which says ‘well what’s the problem, you’ve beaten cancer. Your one of the luck ones ..get on with it..!!’
Whereas cancer specialists say ‘ you have to slow down, stop being a perfectionist and smell the roses….. REDUCE STRESS’.
Why is reducing stress SO IMPORTANT to a cancer survivor …. STRESS changes the cell structures creating an environment for cancer to thrive.
I am on Newstart allowance. I was never granted a disability allowance, because cancer is not recognised as a disability. I apply for approximate 40 jobs per month on top of my university degree, just trying to get a job and satisfy the Centrelink requirements.
I want a job, but I don’t know if I can handle a job. My fragile physical strength and susceptibility to Stress create a pressure capsule which I get trapped in.
I can’t explain this to my Centrelink provider – they have limited knowledge of cancer and the same with the average GP. Once you have exited the Cancer Specialists realm – you are tossed back into the ignorant mainstream.
I suffer from anxiety – sometimes extreme anxiety and stress, because I can’t do what people want and expect me to do. I can’t fit back into the square anymore. I get called ‘lazy’ and a ‘slob’ because I don’t and can’t do what a ‘normal’ person can do.
I am now vomiting the weekend before every Centrelink appointments because I haven’t found a job. I have had some interviews which appear to me to go well, but I am always overlooked.

I don’t have the answers to everyone questions ….????
Am I ‘Normal’ or am I ‘abnormal’…??? Do I have a mental condition.?? Or am I just a ‘victim’, like everyone says I am.
I can’t do what everyone wants me to be able to do. I’m 56 years old and a cancer survivor, but I feel like society wants me to be 25 and a super athlete.
 

[White_Rose]

Dear Justskips

Hello and welcome to the forum. Thank you for trusting us with your story. Everyone who writes here has their own story but all are equally valid, painful, frustrating and worthy of being told. I hope we can help you understand where you are. One question I can definitely answer is about being normal. There is no such thing as normal, especially when a person has encountered many problems and generally been through the mill. The only thing different about us is we act in ways that are misunderstood by others.

I have had breast cancer twice but not as serious as yours. I am currently in my third year of follow up, so two more to go. Not a guarantee of no more cancer but maybe a long gap in between. First cancer in 2001. Unfortunately I have another cancer in the offing. It appears I have myeloma which is a blood cancer although not yet active. The haematologist tells me he thinks I will need treatment in a couple of years. Sigh.

I am not comparing myself to you, just letting you know I have some understanding of your life for the past years.

I was given medication after radiotherapy which I suppose would have been OK had I not been taking an antidepressant as well. The side effects from the oncologist medication I found uncomfortable. What was the really bad time was the interaction with the antidepressant. I fell apart and became suicidal which is not a good place to be. But enough about me.

If you are very anxious I would guess you have some degree of depression as well. Latest research suggests these two conditions are usually a package and rise and fall with each other. I hasten to add I am no expert in this field. I go by my own experiences and those of others, mostly here, but I also read about mental illness.

Society can be impatient of those who need a longer recovery time than those with other illnesses. Please do not try to do what you cannot because of what others think. You know yourself and your body better than anyone else.

Have you seen a psychologist or psychiatrist? These are very useful to help you get back on your feet. As a result of my suicidal feelings my GP sent me to a psychiatrist and I see her regularly. From what you have said I suggest a referral to a psychiatrist, but please do not take my word. You will need a referral from your GP in any case so have the discussion there. I think the past few years have been quite traumatic for you and need good quality medical care.

I hope you continue to write in here.

Mary

[Tess2]

Hi justskips

i do not think you are abnormal or a victim. You have been through a great deal and still are suffering the consequences of your treatment. I agree with whiterose you need to start with your gp . And it would not be surprising if you need some psychological support. You are doing everything you can to return your life to “normal”. I too have had breast cancer, but not as severe as yours, I had surgery chemo and radiotherapy. I am ten years old than you and am not currently working but will be looking for part time work soon.

Of course you get tired easily. Being a carer for your mother was a wonderful thing to do.

Please see your gp and talk about how you are feeling. I also agree with about how the health system drops cancer patients once their treatment is over. Take care and keep looking for support

tess

[White_Rose]

Hello Justskips

Dropping by to see how you are going. Let me reiterate, you are normal and going through some hard times. Normal? yes, perfect? no.

To get an accurate answer to your question, Do I have a mental condition.?? I would say yes from your description but I am not a doctor. I do urge you to see your GP and book a long appointment and start to sort out your difficulties. Vomiting so frequently must be very uncomfortable.

I gather when you ask about being a victim that you have told this several times. Can you look under The Facts at the top of the page. Look at the depression checklist and complete it. Print it off and take it to your GP. It's not a diagnostic tool but is designed to give you an idea where you are on the depression/anxiety continuum and may help your GP decide on what is best for you.

.... me to be 25 and a super athlete. Well I would quite like to be there also but sadly we have both moved onwards.

Doing everything for anyone who calls on your time and energy requires giving the request time to decide if this is good for you. In general being at the beck and call of those you live with can turn you into a victim. I don't think you are like this at the moment. Your setbacks have had an enormous impact on you so it's hardly surprising you are begining to doubt yourself. See your GP, take a copy of your post, and enlist his/her help.

Mary