Moved in on-campus, my social anxiety is far worse than I thought it was

[JWolf17]

I've just moved away from home for the first time to do my Masters degree. I'm living on-campus in shared accommodation with about 7 or 8 other people living on the same floor as me. 1.5 weeks after moving in, I've found my social anxiety is severely affecting my quality of life at my new home. I've found myself actively listening to hear if anyone is in the hallways whenever I want to leave my room, and have really struggled to leave my room for any reason if I can hear other people talking. As a result, I haven't really met anyone. I've only had one conversation with another person living on my floor.

This has been really disheartening, as before the move I was really excited. I saw this as an opportunity to gain independence, to make new friends, to really live my own life for the first time. Although I've had anxiety issues in the past, I was really confident that I would be able to handle this, and that I'd really enjoy it. I thought I was better at controlling my anxiety than I am.

My social anxiety has also affected my eating habits. On several occasions I've skipped out on meals because I can here people in the kitchen and the dining room from my room, and for whatever reason my brain flips out and decides that going hungry is the preferable option over cooking in the presence of other people and potentially having conversations with them.

I can rationalise to myself that this isn't healthy, that the more I talk to people the easier it will get, and that talking to people will more likely end positively than negatively, but it's just not enough to push me into leaving my room. I'm worried this will send me into a downward spiral mood wise if it continues as is (I've already felt my mood fluctuating quite a lot), and that my physical health will start to decline if I continue to skip out on meals. I'm just not sure how to handle it.

[Croix]

Dear James~

Welcome back, though I'm sorry it is because your life is so difficult. I've read your posts going back over the last few year (I even talked with you about hte pressures you face a couple of years ago) and am distressed to hear your ancient has not improved.

Trying to live by avoiding people becomes a way of life, not surprising really as you become isolated and incapable of being comfortable in other's presence.

I know that once you did try seeing a counselor but did not find it helpful, particularly as you did not feel able to tell the whole story. That's probably more a shortcoming of the counselor than your , it's their profession to find the facts in a friendly non stressful way.

May I ask if you have proper medical support now? Trying to improve all by yourself has not worked and your life has been restricted and unpleasant for a long time.

I'd like to suggest that if you do have medical help you go back and say it is not working. If you do not then now would be an excellent time to start. I never improved, quite the reverse, I kept gettng worse, until I had competent doctors, plus treatment.

If you thought explanations face to face were daunting you could do as I did and write everything troubling you down in advance then hand over the paper. It gave me time to give my account right, and the doctor a list to work form. Much easier.

Apart from this do you have anyone you can confide in? I know you were reluctant to talk with your parents, are any of your brothers sympathetic? A caring person is a great help.

You are almost right in thinking this new way of living at uni could be good, you just need some help with it.

You know you are always welcome here

Croix

[Sophie_M]

Hello James,

We echo Croix's concerns and are sorry you've been feeling this way for so long. We realise the effort you've made sharing these thoughts and feelings over the years. When you first reached out to the online forums community you were worried about finishing secondary school... now you're doing your masters. That's quite something, especially considering how low your mood has been at times.

There are various free and anonymous mental health supports available to you. We encourage you to explore them until you find one that suits you best. As you know Beyond Blue's online forums are a great start.

Beyond Blue also offers phone counselling 24/7 on 1300 22 4636, live web chat from 3pm to midnight AEDT as well as email support depending on your preferences. Full details can be found here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. 

Another resource available to you is headspace which offers support, advice, referrals and counselling for depression or anxiety and other life issues tailored to young people like you. Visit www.eheadspace.org.au or phone 1800 650 890 for more.

[JWolf17]

Thank you to both of you. I feel like I should expand on my history to provide some more context.

After my previous posts a few years ago I did end up getting professional help, and I was able to make some significant progress. He helped in a practical sense in giving me steps to make my workload more manageable and helping organise sessions with careers advisors, and he was very helpful in helping me deal with more general anxiety issues. After about a year of sessions I stopped seeing him as I felt as though I’d made a lot of progress, and at that point it didn’t feel like it would be worth the cost to continue going.

That’s part of why I’ve felt disheartened upon struggling with the transition to this new life. Looking back, I realise that I didn’t make much progress on the social anxiety side of things, but because at the time the progress I had made was enough for me to live comfortably and happily I didn’t feel the need to go further with the sessions. I didn’t really feel the need for a social life because I have a lot of brothers, so interaction with them was enough for me. It may also be that because I had already spent so long working on my anxiety, I didn’t want to admit to myself or the psychologist that there was another side to it that I didn’t feel like I could deal with.

I’ve had to move interstate to do this masters, so I won’t simply be able to go back to the same person I was seeing before. It might just be a case of me needing to slowly adjust. I will look into the links you’ve left Sophie, and I will use additional resources if I feel I have to.

Thanks again for your replies and advice.

[beyondblue_Online_Communi]

You're very welcome JWolf17. Feel free to drop by here anytime.