Is this a normal part of anxiety/depression?

[Peacefuldove]

Hi there,

I've never used Beyondblue before or ever sent a question in the forum before, but here it goes...

I'm 24 year old female and since I was about 19 was when I first started experiencing bad anxiety and depression ever.

I have mostly lived a good life, but my family and I have battled many hardships, depression and anxieties in our life, moving from one place to another, etc

I had always mostly been a confident person, but when I first got depression is when I had lost my close friend at the time, and felt like I was always giving to people but never ever getting anything in return. I felt like I had lost all my goals and felt like didn't know what my purpose in lofe was anymore

During this time, I had experienced many illusions or hallucinations for the first time. At first I just kept it to myself because you know how people would probably think you were crazy I guess.

I felt very disconnected, withdrawn, and like I wasn't in my body, distorted thinking and seeing things.

I had been keeping it to myself for a while, because it seems to only pop up after either experiencing really bad panic attacks or traumatic events in my life. I don't really hear things or feel like I'm being followed etc, but I often feel like I'm being judged all the time.

And I don't know if I just go through this or if anyone feels like this during times when they have either felt continuously let down, heartbroken or continuously degraded in life so I don't know if I let my own intuitive thoughts control me.

I had been scared to talk to anyone about it, because I guess people would think it is sczophrenia but I feel like I don't have all of the symptoms.

When I don't experience much trauma, I feel like I rarely experience this but I feel like I have been experiencing this a lot because I have been unhappy for the past three years, because I have either been in bad jobs with people who have either micromanaged or belittled me, and my life has never felt like it's moved foward for the past three-four years or so.

I'm going to see a Phyciatrist about it all. It may be a long wait and I know we can't help anything at all right now due to the coronavirus but I feel like it has been getting a lot worse because of this too.

I was just wondering if this might be normal to experience? because I always feel like I'm not normal and because of this I always get upset and cry about it, and this worries me a lot...

[missep123]

Hi Peacefuldove,

First of all can I just say that it is so brave of you to be so open and reach out to this forum. I think that is a great first step that you have taken. I can understand you have gone through a lot in your life and you mentioned feeling let down and heartbroken. I think feeling let down and heartbroken are feelings a lot of people can relate to. It can be very hard to go through but please know you are definitely not alone in that.

I think it is really great that you have booked in to see a Psychiatrist. Mental health professionals will be able to provide support and knowledge.

In your post you mentioned not feeling normal which can be upsetting. It is very challenging when we think we are 'not normal', I have definitely felt that! From personal experience, we may feel that we are 'not normal' but in fact there are many people who feel the same way or understand what we are going through. I really learnt that normal and not normal are not as black and white as we think they are.

Please let me know how you go! Please remember, you are not alone!

[Peacefuldove]

Thank you Missep123. Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate your support, and I will. It can be challenging, but I'm sure that we will be able to get through it together!

[missep123]

No problem at all Peacefuldove! Hope you've been doing well 🙂

[therising]

Hi Peacefuldove

My heart goes out to you as you struggle with this incredibly challenging and somewhat confusing time in your life.

I'm glad to hear you are looking to consult with a mental health professional when you get the chance. Another consideration, which is incredibly out there but maybe worth a little investigation is something known as 'Spiritual emergency'. I know, as I say pretty out there. It's an interesting topic even if you're not into any of that spiritual stuff.

Myself, I went through an incredibly challenging time in my life (understatement) when I found myself coming out of my depression more than a decade back. It was pretty trippy and hard to get my head around. I wish someone back then had suggested this angle to me. It would have helped me make a lot of sense as to what was happening in my life at the time. When I stumbled across the topic of spiritual emergency some years later, I can remember thinking 'Oh, wow, I'd never considered in a million years such a topic existed', but I was amazed by how may aspects I could relate to in the article I read. It's actually interesting to hear of others who have experienced this. Many of them will say they felt like they were going somewhat crazy for a period of time (feelings of detachment, audible or visual hallucinations and so on). I should add that distinguishing between this particular angle and serious mental health issues is definitely important. It's by no means my intention to misdirect you.

When consciousness and perception is shifting in our life, it's incredibly important to stay grounded in a number of ways. Having positive constructive daily routines that create a solid foundation which to reference and finding people who can act as constructive guides on the path we're exploring in the way of self understanding are 2 very important factors.

Take care

[blondguy]

Hi Peacefuldove

Great to have you as part of the forum family 🙂

I understand your anxiety feelings and yes they are horrible to have. I used to have these awful feelings too..The good news is that they can be treated with ongoing counseling.....even our GP can be a huge help too as they are well versed with anxiety issues

One of our members (Annabay) wrote an excellent thread about 'symptoms of anxiety'...I really hope you can have a look as there are heaps of normal people like you talking about their symptoms 🙂

I have listed the Beyond Blue thread for you below...( its a huge thread yet very helpful!)

www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/what-physical-feelings-of-anxiety-do-you-get

you are not alone and a very normal person Peacefuldove

Happy Easter

Paul

[Peacefuldove]

Thank you

[Peacefuldove]

Thank you for sharing your story the rising and for taking the time to leave a long comment. Your support means a lot

[Peacefuldove]

Thank you Paul. I will Check it out! thanks