I just don't know what to do anymore anxiety rules my life.

[kitykate]

It impacts everything I do, I started a new job after leaving a really awful situation with work place harassment at my old job. I started getting paranoid that I wasn't doing things to my bosses liking and they were annoyed with me which made me scared to go to work I'd have panic attacks in the bathroom trying to get ready, this lead to me calling in sick a few times, then I actually became geniunly unwell and was unavailable for a week to be rostered and now they want me to come in for a chat and I'm just freaking out about it thinking how I've gone and messed up a good opportunity for me. I keep convincing myself that people close to me are fed up and annoyed with me so I constantly ask if we're ok and I'm not being annoyed which ends up, you guessed it, making them annoyed.

I feel like such a burden and that I'll never be able to hold down a job properly, I have so many bills to pay that I can't sleep at night, how did I get here? I don't even want to be awake most days I just want to stay asleep in bed and avoid all my problems, I'm speaking to my GP and she wants me to see a psychologist but I've done it so many times before and still have the same outcome because I never have enough motivation to help myself, it makes me so frustrated that I can't just live a normal life and I feel suffocated daily by a feeling this is all my life will be, I can't go 10 minutes without thinking how much of a failure I am and how much I've disappointed my friends and family with my constant failures.

Why can't I just stop being anxious and depressed?

[MidnightFox]

Hi kitykate,

workplace anxiety can be crippling and too often employment organisations are places where wellbeing is a token exercise.

At least you can articulate in your post how you feel and reaching out is important, as there are many others who feel like you do.

For me antidepressants work their chemistry magic along with finally finding a psychologist who I felt I could trust.

Workplaces with cliques and “don’t rock the boat” attitudes are tough spaces to be in particularly if you’re not well. While this behaviour from others is hurtful immature and negative, sometimes putting ourselves first and surrendering to our fears helps us to be more open to seeking receiving and acting upon professional help.

Keep believing in your worth. You are not your anxiety and depression. You are not the unkind heartless nonsense that still infiltrates many workplaces. Keep trying it’s worth it 🦋 MF