My husband left today for a week for his job, and it's just terrible timing. He's not going on any more for the foreseeable future thankfully but it doesn't help me right now.
I've been going through anxiety on and off for the last couple of months, I've always had it to a degree because I have a disability.
I trialed a new medication for my mental health for a few days months ago, and it sent my anxiety to extreme levels, nearly hospitalising me.
It's still haunting me months later, and I'm scared I'm never going to get any sense of the little normalcy I had back, I don't want to experience this for the rest of my life. I either have the physical symptoms, the mental symptoms, or both. I think I've maybe had an hour or two break from myself in the last week and I'm so deeply exhausted.
I'm starting CBT therapy with a psychologist on Wednesday, and someone I met has kindly offered to do some hypnosis with me for 30 minutes free of charge, but I'm mostly alone for the beginning of the week, at the hardest time, and everything just feels so hopeless. As it is if I'm feeling this anxious still by the appointment I don't know if I'll be able to leave to walk there.
My husband has his own mental health issues that he's currently working through, and we're not able to hold each other up as much as we'd like, so I try to cope on my own mess when I can, and I've gone public about how much I've been struggling, and the people who seem to care the most are my online relationships with friends who either have moved, or live in other states or countries, the local people are the most distant. I'm trying to get a bigger circle but it's hard when you're messed up.
I've been crying non stop today I feel like I handled it better last time he was away, which makes me feel like a failure.
I've increased my medication today by request of my GP, and I just hope that it will only take a few days for things to work or me to settle, one or the other.
My family is far away and I don't think they would understand. They don't have any idea of what is going on with me and it's probably for the best.
His parents know, I'm not sure about his siblings but they aren't very involved in each others lives as they've gotten older, but his parents are quite old and there's not much they can do, and I don't want to put any stress on them.
I couldn't hold back when his mum rang today though, and I just cried.
