I don't know what I'm doing

[Asha]

I'm brand new to this so I don't know if I'm doing this right but here goes.

i was sole carer for my mum who had borderline personality disorder and dysthymia, she self harmed and had multiple suicide attempts, she died last year. I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and recently PTSD. I just started uni and I'm finding it really hard to cope. Honestly the anxiety is the worst, I hate spending time in public and going to classes and having to be social is just bad. Sometimes it gets to the point where I can't leave the house. That combined with the PTSD parts that mean random things set off flashbacks and panic attacks and bad nightmares. 

I really want to reclaim my life for me after years of it being about my mum, but it's not going well and I'm regularly asking myself why I'm bothering considering that I consider myself generally crap at life. I feel alone and like I'm a freak. I don't know what to do.

[Pixie15]

Hi Asha,

It is really hard starting university. It can be a very lonely place. The challenge of starting to study new topics as well as needing to interact with a lot of other people can seem overwhelming but it does not have to be. You probably have a lot of skills from looking after your mother that you can direct to your own purpose now.

This is a link to a website with tools that might help https://www.thedesk.org.au/login?login

You will also find some threads on the BB here under the (I think it is called) Universities and Schools section that might give you some ideas. Your university should have psychology and study support services that you can access. 

Believe. You deserve an education just as much as the next person. Keep pushing yourself to do the next thing. Hopefully it will get easier for you.

Grateful