Finally putting my story out there

[Tkracer]

So here goes nothing.

now for as long as i can remeber ive always Had anxious tendancies but nothing that ever rattled me bad. I would have little bouts of worry about things that people would say were silly. But a little over 5 years ago my life took an unexpected turn. Like any other 19 year old boy i tried to "fit in" or have new experiences. So anyway 5 years ago a few friends bought some synthetic marijuana and told me its safer then natural weed because its untraceable in drug tests. Stupid for even believeing them i know. But after that night my life has never really been the same, the next day i had a huge panic attack, i was so freakin scared i thought i was having a heart attack! I told my parents straight away about what i had done and what was happening to me at that moment. From then on in i have had horrible debilitating anxiety on and off! From severe depersonalisation and derealisation to heart pulpiltations and just constantly feeling overwhelmed with fear. So scared that the weed had seriously messed me up! So i went to the doctors after a few months who had assured me that it isnt possible for someone to get messed up from this after one time! But he did not persuade me one bit. He said i would of had this anxiety with or without the weed because at the time i never really gave much thought about what was already going on in my head. Now i dont expect sympathy from anyone because i still believe ive done this to myself! But! Before this i was getting constantly bullied at work, had no proper friends and had no girlfriend so at the time i was not in a happy place to begin with i was just constantly negative.

like any other anxious person i used dr google alot! And like everybody says never ever do that because you will make it worse and by golly gosh it did. From thinking i had psychosis and skitzophrenia to having ptsd.

on a moRe possitive note i have never ever been out of work because of this. not saying that it hasnt been hard either but there has been alot of times when ive had to stop what i was doing to run to the toilets to just break down and cry because of whats going through my mind.

In this time i have since become a qualified carpenter sucessfuly worked for my self, gained a girlfriend, Lost 20kg through hard work at the gym. And in the process of buying my first home.

sorry to all you readers for my story its abit all over the place. But this is my story i hope its can help some of you warriers !

[kanga_brumby]

Tkracer welcome to beyond blue forums. Thanks for the incite into your life.

The synthetic marijuana you had was the cause of the problems you had. Its the manufacturing of it that upset the way your body works. It affects everyone differently.

As for now having a girlfriend great becoming a chippie well done trying to get a house well done I really hope it comes together for you

Kanga

[Guest_9809]

Hello Tkracer, and welcome to the BB Forums.

I have just read your post through twice, and it appears you are not asking for any sympathy, nor indeed any advice. Your motivation in sharing your experience appears to be purely for the likely benefit of others.

I thank you sincerely for having done so. Although we may not hear directly from them, I feel sure there will be readers out there who will learn from your mistakes, and be inspired by your eventual hard-earned successes.

You have come through a truly horrifying drug experience, one I feel sure nobody would ever knowingly put themselves through. Your acceptance of wrongdoing on that score is very admirable. In your defence, it sounds as though you were in a pretty bad place at the time due to bullying, lack of friends and no doubt other issues you havent mentioned. You were young, impressionable and wanted to fit in. We all make mistakes in life, and thankfully you have survived yours, and come out the other side a far stronger person.

Despite the difficulties you have obviously faced, it sounds as though you are a hard working, reliable, resilient, determined and successful young man. You fully deserve all the good things you have achieved in your life.

I do note that you are still experiencing some quite severe anxiety symptoms however. Have you ever had any assistance from either a counsellor or psychologist? I could be worth exploring that option, to further help you with the more extreme anxiety you still suffer.

Again Tkracer, thankyou for taking the time and making the effort to post your story.

I wish you every future happiness and prosperity with your business, girlfriend, soon to be new home, etc. Kindest regards to you.

Taurus

[geoff]

hello Tkracer, well the end result has been good for you to be a chippie, g/friend and buying your new home that's a great achievement.
Whatever we do to ourselves maybe because of certain circumstances, that's part of learning, because we have to learn from our experiences, good and bad, but for your 'friends' to try and convince you to smoke synthetic marijuana is not only unwise but could lead onto you being hooked, something no one wants.
The temptation of them saying 'just try it once' is something no one should fall into, it's a trap and it's no different than asking a reformed alcoholic 'just to have one drink' because it could quite possibly make them hooked once again.
Never be afraid to seek any counselling it's a hidden strength you have to do this. Geoff.