feelings lost and anxious 24/7

[Razzle_dazzle]

Hi guys,

I am feeling quite anxious most of my days. I feel like 2019 has been the worst year yet! end of last year i graduated university, had loads of motivation and felt great. Until 1 year ago i was diagnosed with cancer and had to start treatment immediately, it shattered my dreams. End of March of this year, i literally felt like i wanted to die. I finished chemo, had no hair, had gain 17kg from treatment and no job prospects. 2 months later, i found a job which i thought i would of loved an enjoyed, however the pressure of the job is extreme. I have about 100 clients with unrealistic expectations, i should be doing 7.5 hours a day except some/most days i am doing 11-12 hours days, it bites into my social and private life- my anxiety has gone to a different level and i find myself crying at work. I spoke with my team leader about 6 weeks ago and told her how i was feeling, she agreed the work given to me was extreme and wanted to reduce my workload by 10%. The workload did decrease, however its now increasing ever so slowly. Recently, my work wants to give me a massive corporate client (which i should be proud of) except this client is extremely demanding. My team leader and the coordinator of the company set out the expectations, which to be honest scared the living day lights out of me, their expectations are extremely high and unattainable. this corporate client has gone through 4 different work colleagues due to their demands. My portfolio currently is extremely demanding, i push myself every single day, so much to ensure everyone happy (which understandably no one is ever going to be happy) and i am crashing! I cry nearly every second day, i wake up extremely early to feel anxious about the day- a feeling i can't shake and my weekends are spent worrying about the week ahead. I want to hand in my resignation, however i am feeling extremely anxious and feeling like i will let everyone at work down. I feel completely lost for knowing i want to leave and feeling i am letting everyone down.

[Ramen_Man]

Hello. I made an account just to reply to this because I can certainly relate to the second part of your situation regarding work.

First thing though - well done. Managing that many clients is not easy. I can only imagine how much harder it is given what you're going through with your health.


A few years back I left a company because I was given an extremely demanding client who was sold something we just couldn't possibly deliver. I was working ridiculous hours and my anxiety spiralled out of control. I resigned not long after.

You are NOT letting anyone down if you choose to leave. Yes your work friends will miss you. The company will still continue.
It sounds like the company is letting YOU down at the moment though. Particularly since you spoke to your leader about this exact issue. That's hardly fair. So don't blame yourself.


Before you commit to leaving, I would recommend speaking to your leader again and reminding them of the chat you had.
Can you ask for that client to be reassigned? Ask them to honour their original agreement to review your workload. Let them know that the current workload isn't sustainable if they expect quality output from you. They can't have both... Let them know what would be a better work environment for you - give them options. If they agree, then get it in an email on record.

I struggled to find a job when I resigned. It solved the immediate stress, and I don't regret it, but it took me a year to find another job. If you decide to leave, try to make sure you have something else lined up.

But talk to them first, they've listened before so give them that chance again. If they don't change then yeah maybe start making an exit strategy if you feel you need to. You want to try to maintain an amicable relationship so you have a reference if you look for another job.


You can't make everyone happy, that's not your responsibility (and that's ok, you're still a good person).

Good luck, I hope this helps.

[Razzle_dazzle]

Hi,

Thankyou for your reply it really means a lot. I spoke with my team leader twice regarding how i felt and how i felt like i should resign. Her response wasn't what i expected, instead she told me to take a few days off (which i declined) due to me taking any time off would only increase the backlog of emails and work to complete. I then asked her to resign the client and because she was happy with the work i produce and how unhappy the client has been with the previous worker. This client won't be reassigned, I went into work this morning with at least 25% extra than when i left for the weekend.

She explained to me that the role and expectations aren't going to change- i was visible upset and i explained that this role has physically/emotionally broken me down. I explained that i am trying to meet the demands, however its now affecting my life and working 11-12 hours days to meet client expectations is now affecting me. She offered no solutions except for me to have time off from work. She then stated that i was visibly upset and that i should think about my decision before i make the decision to leave. I spoke to her in the afternoon, where she stated that if i left it would be a massive gap in the company with trying to assign my portfolio and this would be the first time we have a whole team (as so many people are on maternity leave or annual leave). I told her that i had made my decision and i had to do what's best for me and that was to resign. The whole day i was stressed out, extremely sad/unhappy. I said that i would miss everyone and thanked her for the opportunity she had provided me, but i had to make the decision to leave. She wasn't too impressed, however after i stated my decision, i felt relief. I handed her my 4 week resignation, but right now i really need to focus on what i want and what direction i need to take. I know its a difficult market right now, but this year has been by far the worst, so i am expecting me to do the hard yards for another career.