Feeling Scared Again.

[Beaser]

Hi and best wishes to everyone.  I know that there are people doing it so much harder than me. But i just feel defeated at the moment.  Im just so lonely and i miss my ex partner so much and i know i have to move on .I started a new job that i was going well at but i couldnt go in on Wednesday and i feel really bad about it. Im sick of fighting this battle and im tired from it. Just how much do i have to go through . Im sorry to be on such a downer but i dont know where to turn to at the moment.    If i break it down im lonely and scared.

I wish every one a good day .   Brett.

[ecomama]

Hey Brett, I hope you have a good day too buddy! 

I wonder if another way of thinking about things would help? 
So far the current thinking isn't help you much, so it's worth a try but will take a change in your mind... so let's give it a go hey? 

Instead of thinking you are "fighting a battle", and I see this phrase throughout the forums too, so it's a common thought process.... 
Replace this battle thinking with being kind to yourself. 

SO whenever something seems too hard to do, be kind to you. 
Ask yourself what you're feeling and ALL those feelings are okay. 
Nurture them. I have even asked "them" - "what can I do right now to soothe you?" and if the answer to myself is, not now, I have to go to work! 
Then promise yourself you will do this thing AFTER work. 

It seems too gentle to do much at all for us, BUT self-care is research backed as the ONE thing that helps us recover from many mental illnesses. 
I write a daily list in the SELF-CARE thread on the forums and now over many months, most of these have become HABIT. 

These HABITS are life changing Brett! 

Life can be hard, no one ever gave us a Guarantee on paper at birth to say "LIFE SHOULD BE EASY" but I know for 100% certain, that you've got the perseverance to make the very best out of your life that you can. 

I know it! 
Can you access YouTube? 
Brene Brown has gorgeous Ted Talks and other clips on "vulnerability" and other topics. You are very BRAVE to continue on, get a job, deal with the present issues. All of us here are very brave indeed. 

Hope you can find some help in these words, 
Love EM

[Ponder]

Hi Brett.  Every aspect of life seems to be a process.  Some cycles are longer than others.  I guess the thing that keeps me going, is knowing there is a beginning and an end.  I try not to get hung up thinking on either of those points in time, but do what I can to put one foot in front of the other which helps to console me in accepting myself right here - right now.   

Feeling defeated in a world bent on competition seems to have a condition/ing that leaves people feeling ashamed.  Seeing the bigger picture with the world being as it be does not often help.  It tends to make many of us feel very small.  It can become quite overwhelming and disempowering.  I ask myself often "how can I reinvigorate myself?" "How can I get back up?"     

Again ... Life happens in cycles ... I remind myself of that and it's been that way for well over half a century for me.  During these very low times as you describe, I just do what I can to put one foot in front of the other in terms of both mind and body with the focus to put the past behind me and the future out of sight where for my predispositions are much better dealt in the here and now. 

The less I focus and other people's narratives regarding one's/our story, the less disabled I become.  The less I think on the future, the more empowered I become whilst not giving a care for any expectation this world or others may and may not have.  I acknowledge the pain as pain and just do what I can to accept it for no more than the painful feeling it is knowing I would do well to just take another step under my own power as doing so has always yielded a sense in satisfaction for what I still have in terms of me.  As in all is not lost if you can still be friends with yourself in a world of shame and blame.  Moreover, there is less of the latter once you can master the art of moving on.  

 Let go of what does not work for you and the tellings of others that do not gell well for you.  Focus on what works for you and you be the one that decided what that be.  Right now for me is very hard just like as it is for you.  My best friend right now is the Sun.  

[Beaser]

Thank you EC.   Nice to hear from you again.   

I have had a look at some of the Brene Brown videos that you previously recommended me and they are great.

I sort of understand what you say about self care and i think the idea is to do what i have to do in my day and then give myself some me time to be kind to myself.         Its just the bad week at work that floored me again and when im down with things like that i just get so lonely and scared.  Ive done my best to not contact my  ex and havent for a few days so i think i can pat myself on the back for that one. I will keep looking at he Bren Brown videos as they are great ...    Thank you EM. i really appreciate you puting in the time and effort to helping me with things.     Brett.

[ecomama]

Hi again Brett, you're doing so well. You've got another job recently and you're handling the recovery from break up as best you can. Please don't be harsh on yourself. 

You can pat yourself on the back for those things and everything you do or the manner in which you're choosing to change your thoughts AND being able to restrain yourself from contacting ex. 
Pats for ALL things and everything. 

Writing down what we're GRATEFUL for is another powerful recovery tool. There's a 3 things to be thankful for today thread here too... using the threads in the Wellbeing sections shows you are reaching out to improve your MH. 99% of our recovery I believe is up to us, this is how it's been for me anyway, even with rare support from a Psychologist. I do have a Counsellor which helps me a LOT. 

May I ask exactly what you're scared of? 
I don't want to guess so I hope you don't mind me asking? 

Some times when we write down exactly what we're having negative feelings about, they can lose their power of us. 
We can also find ways to deal with the thoughts that may have become habitual. Changing them to improve our overall outlook on life. 

Hugs, dealing with a break up has never been easy for me either, 
Love EM

[Beaser]

Hi and thanks again EM.    I really appreciate you getting back to me.      You asked what im scared of.   I guess im just scared of facing this world alone and keeping up with all the responsibilities paying my mortgage and bills.    

I have to be honest im hurting so much missing my girlfriend. I did text her on Monday if im honest out of loneliness. I havent since.  I notice shes logged out of facebook too so maybe shes jus needing complete space. I dont think its because of me as she has often done it .   

Im scared too because im sick of fighting this battle in my head and i worry about scaring my friends off.   You know im proud of how much ive fought over many years.  A small comfort is that i know that my mental health is not my fault and its that ,that causes my insecurities  .Im 56 and and ive worked since i was 16 and im tired.  I cant help being the person i am..       Thank you EM  I always love to hear from you and respect your thoughts.   Have a Happy Day  and hopefully chat soon.     Brett.

[Izbee]

Hi Brett, I’m new on the forum and I hope you don’t mind me replying to your post. It just struck a chord with me because I’m a similar age to you and have also struggled with severe anxiety my whole life. It often seems hard to go on. I just wanted to say that I think you definitely deserve to be proud of how hard you’ve fought for so long, and of the fact that you just keep going. It takes a lot of courage and strength to feel that much pain and still hang in there. I don’t have any great solutions - I wish I did! But I just wanted to tell you that I really hope things get better for you. Hope you have a good day.

izbee

[Beaser]

Hi Izbee welcome and thank you for your kind reply.      I am sorry to hear that you have had similar battles to me.     I managed to work three days this week so thats been good.  I am trying to just remind my self im doing my best sometimes its better than good other times just good and at times not as good as i would hope for.  I hope your going ok and well done on fighting so hard.  Happy to hear more about how your going and chat more    Beaser.

[Beaser]

Thank you so much for your kind and great reply Ponder. It really does make a lot of sense. You know im starting to try harder to accept that i am who i am ive made mistakes ill make some more. But you know ive never hurt anyone but myself and have also made some good decisions. Andas ive said im proud of the fight ive fought.  Thanks again Ponder.  Always happy to talk.   Brett.

[Beaser]

 I hope its ok to post again.   Im just feeling a lot df despair and hopelessness at the moment.    Regular readers may know ive left a job i was at for 15 years im now really scared and doubting myself.  I know i wasnt happy for a long time and was in a very toxic environment but they did look after me and now im scared about not getting a suitable job again and even going broke.  Ive also split from girlfriend six months ago and im so lonely.  I have had a lifelong battle with depression and been treated for over thirty years and its wearing me down. Im at the stage where i feel like i cant excpect anything better in life .How hard do i have to fight . Ive made mistakes but its just the battle i fight.