Feeling defeated and lost.

[expressyourself95]

Anxiety & Depression. 

I’ve failed my first course at university. I’m studying to become an Early childhood and Primary educator. 
I’m not doing well at all. This whole semester was full on. The workload was insane. And my inability to complete an assignment unless it’s the hour before it’s due is ridiculous and unsettling. I’m in my second degree and I still can’t get it right. What’s wrong with me? 
It’s my first proper year of living out of home - out of my parents home - and it’s been crazy managing adult life along with full time work and study as well as volunteer duties. I’m 27 and I haven’t filled my own cup in more than 12 months. I don’t know what to do. 
Fear of failure in my parents eyes cripples me and keeps me up at night. They are going to be incredibly disappointed and I’m going to hear about it too. It’s going to tip me over the edge. 

[Sophie_M]

Dear expressyourself95
 
Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post. We want you to know that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.
 
We can hear just how deflated you are feeling having reached this hurdle along your journey of study.  It's only natural to assume that others will be disappointed when you too are feeling this this way however it's important to talk, reach out to family and friends, those who have your best interests at heart.  More often than not, those who love and care for you will commend you for all your efforts so far and want to support you in finding ways to move forward from here.


Please take care of you (and find some ways to fill your cup!), and please know that we are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat.  Our counselling team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
We’re sure to hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M

[ecomama]

Dear expressyourself95, warm welcome to the forums. 

Okay you do realise what you wrote to us? 
Working full time. 
Is that Part time study? I hope so! 
And volunteer duties? 

Reign it in for your own sake please. 

I've been through this myself and with my children doing so much. 

Something will inevitably "give" and it can't be YOU. I'd much rather it be your Course than YOU. 

What can you "shave back"? 

Please know that unless the tasks you have on your plate are aligned with your GOALS, they need to be shaved way back to allow this path to be cleared and for you to attain what you want for yourself. 

There's nothing wrong with you. You're human. SO like every one of us who've taken major steps to "live in the arena", it's not that there's a possibility of failing at times, it's an absolute certainty. 
Check out Brene Brown's "The Call to Courage" on Netflix. She has Ted Talks and tons of clips to help you understand what's happening right now (and forever). 

It's OKAY, you've just taken on "too much" atm. 

Love EM

[Summer Rose]

Hi expressyourself95

You can’t move forward in life without taking risks. The alternative for you would have been to stay in your parents home forever and that’s not a healthy option. You did the right thing at your stage of life to try living independently, in my opinion as a mother that has supported two adult children through very similar experiences.

So, you took a risk and tried something new. Now I know it didn’t turn out the way you envisaged but that’s okay. Look at what you’ve learned.

You’ve learned that it’s not optional “to fill your own cup” in life. You’ve learned that no one can “do it all”. You’ve learned that health must always come first.

These are all valuable life lessons that people can only learn for themselves by taking risks and living life. They don’t teach this at university.

You can redo the courses you need, but next time around you can make adjustments using your new life knowledge to set yourself up for success.

Perhaps consider part time study or a lighter course load. Review your budget to see if less work hours could help. Consider carefully your volunteer commitment. Think about ways to better manage household responsibilities—for example, grocery shopping online will save you time. And perhaps consider seeking professional support to tackle procrastination.

You can do this. You’re smart and highly capable—never forget that.

Kind thoughts to you