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Feeling Broken
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First time here and first time in my life I have felt the way I do at the moment. I am just wondering though what people do when the help options open to them are small and ultimately can't help solve the situation.
I am middle aged and always had to care for my mum since I was 16 years of age, she is a perfectly functioning adult but NCD (Narcisist) to the core and has manipulated my life to a point where I have no friends or indeed anyone left in my life. I am 100% isolated and alone and at her mercy. She is a very nasty woman but for some reason I just feel compelled to keep looking out for her.
Everyone says set boundaries, but if you have ever dealt with a person like this you know that can be almost impossible.
I now have major anxiety and depression going on from both home and work issues where once I mentioned I cared for an elderly person they work turned on me and tried to get me to resign. They are still pushing me to get out which is just adding to the stresses.
I have an elderly dog who is my world who is also getting sick and I am constantly (like 24/7) watching him as he is about all I have left.
I am just at that point of wanting to walk away from it all and start a new life. But I know I will take guilt with me that I am unsure I could live with and even then I have no idea how I would afford to start again and be safe.
So back to the question. Does anyone know who you turn to for help on the basics to just get through another day at a time?
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hi, welcome
I felt compelled to respond to your post. As a community champion we have lived experience as well we have members here that might be able to relate.
I'm 68yo brought up in a city with a domineering mother and placid wonderful father. I joined the AirForce at 17yo to "get away" from the toxic environment but alas in my 20's returning to that city marked the return of my mothers narcissistic ways. My older brother suicided at 26yo, my younger sister was stuck to my mothers apron strings even after she married a guy and of course was convinced to live with our parents. That was until 27yo when a huge fallout meant my sister left the family- everyone that had communication with our mother was cut off for 7 years- she, hubby and then 2 toddlers lived 2500km away. My mother ruined my 1st marriage a few days before the event, rang around slandering me with lies, they eventually all attended but it was a dismal affair. In 1989 I went 12 months without contacting her. My father wouldnt see me even though my 1st wife and I had a newborn. His loyalty was her greatest asset so I returned to them. Each time she wouldnt discuss the issues so nothing ever resolved. By this time she was a master at triangulation, pitting 2 loved ones against each other.
In 2011 only 2 years from retiring on mental health grounds she threatened to ruin my 2nd wedding. I had no choice but to get a court order to keep her away. The wedding went VG but I lost several relatives to this day. "How dare you do that to a 79yo defenceless woman".. she had them on a string. Even the judge didnt accept my desires nor her viciousness. But I was awarded the AVO.
A friend of mine suggested I google Queen witch hermit waif. I was then reading the 4 characters that made up my mother. The queen owns you, the witch will revenge you, the hermit will deny you with her love and the waif will cry to others from your cruelty with the aim of getting them to be her agent. Amazing read.
I had no choice but to make the hard decision never to see her again. 13 years and she is 93yo and I will never grant her the pleasure of my tail between my legs.
Sadly my sister who had stuck by me for those 13 years ended up acting the same way. Trying to triangulate me against my daughter. My D has severe PTSD, bipolar like me etc So the decision made 3 years ago to remove her from my life and in true form learnt from mother, she convinced her daughters now 31 and 33yo to cut contact with us. So we lost 2 neices. I challenged her "did you ever say to your daughters not to get involved with this conflict"? .."no" was her answer so intent was to create family carnage.
I now live a narc free life. No one with those tendencies lasts long with me and I can say I'm so happy.
Please, I'm here to chat more, often daily or more often, type away. I'm here to help you protect yourself
TonyWK
