Extreme fear of death (thanataphobia)

[mbear438]

For years I've had a semi-mild fear of death.
During the nights when I would overthink things in my life I'd eventually end up thinking about the inevitable -- death. When the thought of dying entered my mind, it wouldn't leave and I was left feeling a strong sense of dread, panic, and fear. I would be scared of inevitably having to die, my family having to die, and what comes after death.
I'm not religious in any way, so I don't believe in heaven or hell or an afterlife, no matter how much I wish I could so I would come to terms with death and put my mind at ease.
Recently my "thanataphobia" or "death anxiety" has gotten so bad that the thought of death is constantly at the back of my mind. I avoid the topic of death or I burst into tears.
I can't sleep and I don't feel happy anymore. I can't when I constantly feel scared of the mortality of those close to me and of my own mortality.
I've reached out to friend and family but no one understands how terrified I feel. I believe that after death there is nothing. An emptiness. I just cease to exist.
It's scary. I don't want to die, I don't want my family to die, my friends ...
I know I'm rambling but I don't know what else to do. I came here because nothing I do helps.
In fact, I burst out crying not too long ago just because of my thanataphobia.
If ANYONE has any "solutions" or "coping mechanisms" that work for someone with no inherent religious beliefs then PLEASE do tell. Because I just need to feel happy again.

[Mouse42]

Hello!
For the longest time I didn't know anyone else that suffered from this and have also felt like family and friends don't understand.
I still suffer from this and have hard days but I have also found some strategies that have helped me. I hope they can help you too.

First off, I have been seeing a psychologist where I have been receiving ACT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy that has helped immensely.

Outside of that I have a list of good things that I can run through and use when I need to. These are:
- movies that are upbeat, fun, have no mention of mortality, future, any type of medical diagnosis and no horror, action or thrills. A good one I've found for me is the Dukes of Hazzard

[Mouse42]

Hello!
I have struggled with this for years! And my experience has been very similar to yours. Therapy has helped me immensely, I've been seeing a psychologist regularly and I have been receiving Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) which has helped me manage my anxiety more.

Outside of that I have a few coping strategies I made into a list of good things I can do when I'm feeling overly anxious. I hope they can help you like they have helped me.

- movies that are fun, upbeat, celebratory, silly. Nothing that is action, thriller, horror, drama, sad. A movie that I found helps me is the Dukes of Hazzard movie. It's silly and doesn't have any of the triggers for me and I've watched it so many times when I was anxious. I feel like finding ones you enjoy that don't have triggers is really important.

- playlists of happy music that makes me smile. I steer clear of any songs that have sad or harmful lyrics. Ones that make me smile, want to dance and sing and celebrate life are always really good choices for me, a group I like to listen to when I'm anxious is One Direction, their music is upbeat, not serious and helps me focus on good things.

- grounding helps a lot. I will put my hands on something or my bare feet in grass or carpet and just focus on the feeling. This pulls me away from my anxiety and to the physical feeling of something.

- baking has helped too. I find that focusing on something that requires a lot of your attention makes it easier to cope with the anxiety because you can't be thinking about too much at once. I choose a recipe that's hard enough that I can't think about anything else. This also extends to doing an activity that requires a lot of thought so that you have to focus on the activity at hand instead of your anxious thoughts.

I hope these have helped.

[Sophie_M]

Hi mbear438
 
We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community tonight and are so sorry to hear about what you’re been going through. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. We’ve also checked in with you via email to provide you with some additional supports.

Keep checking in to let us know how you’re going, whenever you feel up to it.
 

[mbear438]

Thank you! I'm really glad that there are coping mechanisms that appear to work really well. Unfortunately, I can't attend therapy due to financial problems and such but the rest of your suggestions were really useful! I hope you're getting better too ☺️

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

This is an important subject.

Fear of dying can overwhelm us to such an extent we become ill with worry. This degree of paranoia is an unhealthy state that, in effect, means we have moved away from being realistic.

I entered such a state about 30 years ago as I became obsessed about a workplace issue. I attended therapy and at one meeting I was asked how my week was. I blurted our a whole heap of fears, fantasies of possibilities like- that I wouldn’t drive my car as I might die in a crash or wouldn’t climb a ladder or I might fall off it.

while these thoughts are possibles they are a product of fear and doubts. They are not realistic thoughts, they are intrusive thoughts that are unwelcome and invasive.

The good news in my case was that my therapist kept prodding me to divide such thoughts. Asking myself “are these thoughts real? Or unlikely? Add to that, keeping busier with hobbies, sports and family activities because them you are introducing your focus to other things.

Death is a topic that humans, being so intelligent, find difficult to explain. It is why ancient times humans worshipped Gods, the sun and stars so they could hope there is a supreme answer to death- a paradise if you will.

You are not weird by worrying about death and it’s aftermath. However if such thoughts are regular and extreme then therapy can help as it did for me.

A thread on worry is below- search using google

beyondblue topic worry worry worry

TonyWK