Empath

[Ariel-08]

This week I’ve been feeling a bit consumed with life’s happenings and hard to stay focussed. I thought to myself that I care too much and am always there for others . I am tired of being there taking on others peoples issues. I some health struggles but being a empath is a challenge . I know how much my energy can  be zapped ! I am learning more about this . 
 I am reliable and caring but I wanted to take a step back . I believe my care factor needs to be adjusted slightly so I am doing things for me . I realise I need to but in boundaries , see my councellor and lower my expectation of myself . Can anyone relate to this ? Let me know your ideas 

[ecomama]

Hey Ariel, welcome to the forums! 
You only have to read a few of others' threads to work out that you're surrounded by empaths here lol! 

We relate! 

Are you feeling sad at the moment? 
Or disappointed perhaps? Not sure what emotions I could sense in your post but it was something.. 

Oh yeah! Boundaries till the cows come home lol... what a life's work empaths have in putting boundaries in place! 
My Psych friend said to me yesterday "IDK WHY you don't shut things down?" (when talking about an ugly interaction with a horrible person). I said I did.... eventually. 

It was only yesterday that I REALISED it's not only the boundaries I need to work on, constantly maintaining them too, but knowing HOW to sense I need to put them up! Crikeys. 
And which ones and with WHOM. 

It can be a mess of Biblical proportions when you start to reflect and analyse the WHO. Then HOW and very importantly what to say. 

Don't be afraid to do it though. Putting up boundaries is such a freeing experience! Then you get another leech and it begins all over again. 

Do you know the WHO yet? 

EMxxxx

[Banksy92]

Hi Ariel, 

Good on your for having the self awareness that you are drained from being so available for others and now need to prioritize yourself.

I can relate to this, it's a journey I went on with my psychologist and it's been really helpful. Just understanding that you don't always have to go above and beyond for others, and that it's okay to step back and listen to your needs and see how they can be met first. 

Your counsellor will have some good suggestions, so I think it is good you're going to chat about it with them. Know that there is nothing wrong with being a thoughtful and caring person and this is not a flaw by any means. But it can easily be taken advantage of by others and something you can lose a bit of your own needs in the process.

Boundaries are so important. For me, I often am quite impacted from family members who project all their worries and drama onto me. I take it all on, think I need to solve their problems and end up feeling crap after it all. Now, I try my best to hold some space for them, but I have also been honest about how these conversations impact my mental health and energy levels. Now they are aware of that, it is easier for me to set boundaries and limit how much people load off on me. 

[Petal22]

HI Ariel - 08,

I'm sorry you are feeling this way I understand.

When we are empaths I believe it's important that if you are feeling drained that you acknowledge this and take some time out for yourself.

When you are being there for someone try to just be there as someone who is there to listen, I believe that sometimes people just want to be heard.

Once you have been there for the person just try to then let go of the energies that others have and instead try to raise your own vibration.

I believe that if we can hold a strong vibration of LOVE and positivity then a lower vibration wont be able to affect us.

[sbella02]

Ariel-08,

Thanks so much for posting here on the forums, a warm welcome to you. Good on you for realising the importance of boundaries and recognising when your own health and needs are being compromised.

I very much understand what you mean. Sometimes if you're used to looking out for everybody else, it can be hard to look inwards and take care of yourself too. As you've mentioned, boundaries are super important, and one of the ways that I started to set more boundaries for myself in social situations was learning that it's okay to say no to things. I don't know if you feel this, but I know that often if someone asks me to do something for them or to hang out, I really struggle to say no. It's such a simple word, but it can mean a world of difference if you feel like you need to take a step back for a bit. 

You have mentioned your intention to see a counsellor, which is fantastic. Sometimes it can be good to hear a bit of professional feedback or advice, particularly when it comes to prioritising our health and needs. 

Please feel free to keep chatting with us, we're here to support you. 🙂

SB

[geoff]

Hello Ariel, I just lost my reply it went somewhere I don't know.

You can't keep on helping other people, unless you are trained to do so, simply because what they say to you slowly impedes on your mind and then you begin to associate what they've said onto your current situation, so over time this will begin to affect you.

If you need to take a step back, you are being sensible, so if anyone needs to talk with you about their problems, just tell that you are sorry, but you too are struggling at the moment and have made an appointment with your counsellor.

You can't continually have answers for those asking you, there comes a time when you need to say no, you're sorry but wouldn't be able to help them at the moment.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[jaz28]

Hi Ariel,

Thanks for reaching out, I know it is important to set boundaries and look after yourself, you seem to be doing everything to help yourself. I think you are doing the right thing.

Being an empath is hard, I agree, and sometimes you do have to step away and let things happen, and try to not let them impact you.

I hope you are OK,

Jaz xx

[Hopskotch22]

Ariel-08 

I feel like you've just described my week. I too struggle with being an empath. It's constantly consuming and exhausting. I know there's a truckload of resources out there, but I found this article by Harvard Business Review incredibly insightful when I was first trying to unpack my thoughts. https://hbr.org/1999/11/management-time-whos-got-the-monkey I was leading a large team at the time, and this hit the nail on the head for me. But I also realised it could extend outside of work in my day-to-day. It was a different way for me to frame what I was doing/thinking - taking on other people's problems, owning them and trying to solve them without letting them down. Not a healthy way to be. Hope you find something useful in this piece. And getting some professional help is such a good idea. Be an empath on yourself and give your own problem to you to solve as if you were someone else. You know you're an expert at that so turn it on yourself! Good luck. Investing in yourself is time well spent x