I am not exactly sure what is wrong with me. I know that it somehow relates to anxiety. It has really taken its toll on me.
It all started around March last year. I was fairly stable, living a normal life. I enjoyed going out and especially attending rave/music festivals. I would always do drugs when attending these events. It would be a mixture. I started hallucinating, it was something I have never experienced before. I would lose my sense of distance and time and enjoyment. I started getting really anxious around everyone and anyone. I felt really confused.
This is when it really starts though; On the way home, while walking to the tram stop, I had this urge to urinate and there were no toilets around. I was hallucinating to the extent that I thought I would wet my pants. It actually felt like it was dripping down my legs. So I ran off, I ran off on all my friends. And when I got away from the others, I checked myself and there was nothing. I wasn't even wet. I tried to pee and I couldn't even do it, I didn't even need to go. But I had the urge to, It actually felt like it was constantly dripping down my legs and that I could actually hear it dripping on to the floor. It was scary. It was all in my head. I got home and I calmed down, and I figured it was all in my head.
But since that day, I always get anxious when I have the urge to pee. Its like the symptoms come back, I feel it like If I don't go, I will piss myself, I can feel the drip, I get really nervous. So I have to set my day around a schedule, I have to be near a toilet or else ill be anxious, I hate road trips, I don't go out as much as I use to, I am scared. It has ruined me. I have never actually wet myself, maybe when I was a kid, so it just feels like a irrational fear. I feel like i have completely changed to how I use to be.
I don't know what to do. I don't know where to start. I take the safe route for everything.
