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Embarrassing problem relates to anxiety
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I am not exactly sure what is wrong with me. I know that it somehow relates to anxiety. It has really taken its toll on me.
It all started around March last year. I was fairly stable, living a normal life. I enjoyed going out and especially attending rave/music festivals. I would always do drugs when attending these events. It would be a mixture. I started hallucinating, it was something I have never experienced before. I would lose my sense of distance and time and enjoyment. I started getting really anxious around everyone and anyone. I felt really confused.
This is when it really starts though; On the way home, while walking to the tram stop, I had this urge to urinate and there were no toilets around. I was hallucinating to the extent that I thought I would wet my pants. It actually felt like it was dripping down my legs. So I ran off, I ran off on all my friends. And when I got away from the others, I checked myself and there was nothing. I wasn't even wet. I tried to pee and I couldn't even do it, I didn't even need to go. But I had the urge to, It actually felt like it was constantly dripping down my legs and that I could actually hear it dripping on to the floor. It was scary. It was all in my head. I got home and I calmed down, and I figured it was all in my head.
But since that day, I always get anxious when I have the urge to pee. Its like the symptoms come back, I feel it like If I don't go, I will piss myself, I can feel the drip, I get really nervous. So I have to set my day around a schedule, I have to be near a toilet or else ill be anxious, I hate road trips, I don't go out as much as I use to, I am scared. It has ruined me. I have never actually wet myself, maybe when I was a kid, so it just feels like a irrational fear. I feel like i have completely changed to how I use to be.
I don't know what to do. I don't know where to start. I take the safe route for everything.
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It sounds like you've developed a phobia. Have you thought about talking to your doctor and getting a referral for a psychologist? I don't want to sound like a lecturing nana, but drugs have different effects on different people - and I include alcohol in this too - we're all just bags of chemicals and if the balance is upset then there's no telling what can end up happening. Doctor would be your best bet, it sounds like this is getting worse and startingt o have a real effect on your life. it doesn't have to ruin you, there is help out there.
