Dreading returning to work.

[Hago]

Hello everyone,

I've been struggling with depression and GAD for the last 2-3 years. Last year I was stood down from work because I had started to abuse alcohol to self medicate. I eventually got back to work after trying a handful of different anti-depressants, and kind of kicking the drinking problem.

6 months later I've had another break down and have taken 5 weeks off work, haven't left the house bar one time to go and talk to a friend. I even talked myself out of catching up with said friend over the weekend, which would have been good. Now I'm at the point where I have to return to work tomorrow. How can I do this? The thought of having to try and interact with my workmates after hiding away for the last 5 weeks is doing my head in. I had quite a while off last year and now this. It's tough.

I've got this idea in my head that everyone thinks I'm strange or weird, unreliable, I'm awkward. I'm trying to convince myself to just not care. Just turn up. But yeah, It's tough.

Any help or insight would be greatly appreciated.

[Mathy]

Hi Hago and welcome.

I’m so sorry to hear of your troubles about work, I find the work ones really hard to deal with too. In my case, only some immediate leadership folk knew why I wasn’t at work, that made it easier (although not easy) to return. I also spoke with my GP and Psych. On reading your post, it sounds like you haven’t spoken face to face with a GP.

As you are returning tomorrow, I’d suggest ringing the Beyond Blue 24/7 line 1300 22 4636 and talking things over with someone, they’re trained people and your privacy is protected. I’m suggesting this because of your short timeframe. The hardest part is walking back in, and because we are fearful, it seems like the hardest thing in the world to do. Speaking with someone can give you some strategies for achieving this, and where to go next - like seeing a GP/Counsellor for support to assist you with anxiety/depression and help you to continue at work.

Also, I’ve just downloaded the free Smiling Minds App, which has a variety of mindfulness meditations - very soothing. Perhaps you could do the same and use it tonight and tomorrow before you go to work, make sure you’re as least anxious, as it’s possible to be. And, maybe give that friend a ring and have a chat about this? Perhaps they could travel with you to work tomorrow - just to help with that hurdle?

I hope this gives you somewhere to start, but I’d be making that phone call. Please check back in and let us know how you go, cheers M 🙂

[Hago]

Hey Mathy,

Thanks for the reply and advice.

I've have already seen my GP and a psychiatrist quite a few times while I have been dealing with this. I hate to say it but it's gotten to the stage where I would only be having the same conversation i have already had with them before. I was prescribed medication last week.

I'll definitely look at giving the beyond blue support line a call.

Thanks again Mathy.

[Mathy]

Hi Hago,

Sorry GP/Psych disappointed, sometimes finding the right connection takes a while. On the plus side, you have meds, but that might take a while to kick in, so you might be fragile for a bit longer. Good on you for choosing to make that call. Don’t forget the Smiling Mind App, it’s surprising how well taking some time out using that can help anxiety. My very best wishes for tomorrow and your return to work, let us know how it goes, even if it’s not great, happy to chat and listen, cheers M 🙂

[Meowface]

Hey Hago. I’ve had to return after absences from work due to my mental health and I always feel dread the first few days back. I’ve had explained absences but I can also go missing when my anxiety is bad so once it passes I feel so embarrassed about having the reputation of being unreliable. I’ve kind of just had to accept it…I just say to myself….they will always think what they want to think but I was looking after myself the best I could at the time.
Good luck and I am sure you will get through it – don’t be too hard on yourself.