Confused

[Meg1977]

Hi supportive people I need some help.Ive been kinda up and down lately and ive come to realise im freaking out about my son. He is 17 and is in year 12 and is a very shy and reclusive person. He of course doesnt love school and im constantly getting messages from teachers saying he haant handed up work and then I get so overwhelmed about it and I feel physically sick. I am starting to panic about how I will cope when he finishes yr12 and has to get a real job. This may not seem like a huge deal but it consumes me so much so that it affects our home live and my work life cos I obsess ova it. I need ways to handle all of this and to not 'lose it' as hubby says. Some days I feel as though I have to go thru "all the drama" to get to the other side but im sick of feeling this way. Any help or advice will be greatly apprieciated. (Have tried to get into docs but thats another story 😬) thanx

[jtjt_4862]

Heya Meg1977,

Sorry to hear about your current situation. It certainly sounds stressful when thinking about the future of your child, as well as how will you be able to cope with what is to come ahead.

Have you tried speaking to your son about him not handing in his homework, and why does he dislike school? The goal of this is to get an understanding on his perspective, and not necessarily come up with a solution, or a judgement call on his behavior.

As for how to cope with anxious thoughts, while I'd recommend speaking to your GP for a referral to a counsellor who can work with you to come up with coping strategies. But from what you've mentioned, it seems that didn't go so well? You could ask for a referral to a different counsellor as well if you feel you're not working well with your current one.

JT

[james1]

Hey Meg1977,

Thanks for your post and I'm sorry to hear you have been freaking out a lot and feel consumed by this panic. Knowing my own parents, I understand this kind of worry is something that can feel really terrifying and it is hard to help while also allowing your son to navigate his way through life.

From your post, i understand you've also been trying to see some doctors. That can be a really helpful way to get professional help and have someone guide you through these anxious feelings. If you'd like to dip into that story a bit more, please feel welcome to tell us here.

Otherwise, do you have a friend or someone you can trust who you feel like has often been a good sounding board? I have a couple of friends who I know are very good at helping me talk through issues in a way that makes them feel more manageable and less overwhelming. This even goes for issues like this that are more about management of our responses and emotions rather than caring less. If we can get out all the confusion and anxiety with this trusted person, our responses can be a lot more helpful. That in turn makes the situation seem a lot more under control.

Also just briefly from the perspective of a son whose mother worries constantly, I think it's really wonderful that you're trying to see how to handle your own stress without having to present that to him. He's still quite young and has a fair bit of self discovery to go, and it sounds like you are trying to be supportive without being overbearing, which really is fantastic. As you probably know from your own life, this is all stuff he has to go through and he will be alright.

James

[jaz28]

Hi Meg,

I am sorry you are experiencing this. A parent's first instinct is to want the best for their child, so what you're feeling is only natural to some degree.

Your son needs to pave his own way, as a parent it can be hard to stay out of it as you only want to see them succeed, but he needs to learn his own lessons too. When he gets a real job, those lessons will be learnt, possibly the hard way. I am not saying this to distress you, I am telling you because it is a good thing. Every child learns things the hard way at times. The key is that as a parent you are there to support them through it. Have you tried talking to your son about all this?

I would also recommend seeing your GP and maybe a professional about the anxiety you are experiencing.

I hope things improve,

jaz xx

[Banksy92]

Hi Meg1977,

Sorry to hear you're feeling so anxious about your son, this sounds like a really difficult time for you. Firstly, please know it's okay that you are feeling this way and in many ways it's very normal. Parents worry for their children because they love them so much and want the best for them.

If it's any consolation at all, some people may not have it all together during school but can find their footing a bit later on and that's okay. My partner is a great example of this. They had awful report cards all through high school, never applied themselves and got terrible grades. After high school they matured a bit and managed to find a job. Ever since then they have just gone from strength to strength. You would never have expected them them to do so well looking back but they really pulled it together.

Know that as long as you are loving and supportive of your son, they have what they need to be happy and successful in whatever they chose to do with their life. It's not all on you, I am sure you have given everything you can for him.