Apocalyptic Anxiety (trigger warning: space)

[qarasuv]

Hi, I'm new here.

I am terrified of asteroids, comets, and anything else space can throw at us. Currently I have been in a slow-burn freakout for weeks, checking the news every hour, feeling like I'm about to die. I've had lifelong OCD but it's only in the past month that my obsessions have become this intense and this apocalyptic, and I am really struggling and don't know what to do.

I'm in a rural area so my options are very limited. I've seen a GP who agrees I need to see a psychologist pretty urgently, but she said there is absolutely no chance of getting in to see anybody - urgently or not - for at least 6-8 weeks. These invasive thoughts are constant, unrelenting, and extremely vivid; nothing can distract me from them, and I am in lockdown, so no option of taking a day trip or seeing friends to take my mind off it.

I've been trying and trying and trying to find information online about what to do, but nothing seems applicable to my particular situation. Information on panic attacks all seems to assume that the main cause of distress is the panic attack symptoms; I don't care about my racing heart or shortness of breath, I care about what I'm scared is about to happen. Anxiety information is tailored to stuff like "what if my house gets broken into?" or "what if I say something embarrassing in public?", not obsessions on this terrifying level. Stuff online about dealing with intrusive thoughts gives me conflicting opinions - do I challenge the thought, or try to ignore it? Is it best to push it away, or it that repression that will make it come back stronger? Do I try to distract myself with mental exercises, or is that a compulsion? Breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation used to work, but they don't anymore. I exercise daily and eat well and don't drink.

Any help or support would be much appreciated. I don't think I can take 6-8 weeks more of this with no help whatsoever.

[Petal22]

Good afternoon qarasuv .... well done you are making enormous progress.... your determination is great and your mindset is too.... not avoiding what you are afraid of takes courage well done... 💪

[qarasuv]

Petal and Tranzcrybe, you are such lovely people. I cannot thank you enough for the interest you've taken in a random stranger's problems, and for the patience you've shown in helping me through this very strange and difficult time. I hope karma rewards you both for your kindness!

[Petal22]

Ohhhh thank you qarasuv such beautiful words 😊 it’s my pleasure in helping you 😊 you have come a long way be proud of yourself for how far you have come 😊 keep up the great work and keep in touch 😊

[tranzcrybe]

Hey qarasuv,

Thanks for your praise and kindness - you are a good soul. I love that you take a sketch pad with you to switch attention as required - focusing on something really close and intricate whenever you need to will be very empowering for you.

BTW, you're not a 'random stranger' to me - I am honoured to have met you, qarasuv.

Regards,

t.

[qarasuv]

OMG I cannot believe my luck. I just went out for my nightly stargazing, as I'm looking into the depths of space and trying to freak out peacefully, far above me, I see a moving star. Yes, it was an asteroid. I missed the announcement of its approach because I haven't been feverishly checking the news every five minutes.

When stuff like this keeps happening to me, it's hard not to go "But what does it mean?"

[tranzcrybe]

Hi qarasuv,

You are fortunate to time your star gazing so well ("trying to freak out peacefully" - brilliant!). I think you have much fascination for the Universe and when you look at it for what it is, you respond quite naturally - a little excitement and fascination.

The internet hype is not good for you (as it puts too many ideas into your head). You have come a long way, indeed.

Regards,

t.

[Petal22]

Oh wow what a beautiful surprise for you to see a moving star..... just beautiful......

no need to question it...... leave it at that....... just think how wonderful it was....

When you say... you can’t help to think what does it mean? This is part of your ocd cycle..... recognise that...... no need to look into it ( this is when they turn into compulsions) if obsessively checking for information.....

Yes you are doing well and not to know it was coming is even better.....

well done 😊

[qarasuv]

I had a pretty bad day today. Stomach in a knot, intrusive "visions" coming non-stop, feeling of dread, unable to relax or distract myself. Just then, freaked out while looking up at the stars. I'm okay in the daytime now but my fear of the night sky just seems to be getting worse and worse no matter what I do. I'm just so tired of it, I can't get away from it, I can't have a moment's peace, and nothing I do seems to work.

[qarasuv]

The weirdest thing about this is how suddenly it started. I was always aware of space and its threats, but it was never part of my daily anxieties - it was just in its own box, of things that could be bad but are just too random to waste energy worrying about. Then on the night of my 30th birthday, which was three months ago, there was an asteroid approach that got hyped up hard in the tabloid news. I ended up having a massive panic attack on the verandah of the house because I thought the full moon was an asteroid coming straight for us, I didn't sleep, I was a mess. Then for a few weeks I didn't think about it at all... but then suddenly two months ago it came back, with no apparent provocation, so intense and overwhelming that it has completely taken over my life. It feels like I've always been like this, but then I remember that it's only been a few months. That's part of what terrifies me so much about it, and why it feels like a premonition rather than what it is, which are just chemicals in my stupid brain squirting the wrong way and various glands not doing what they should.

I just wish it would stop. I will never, ever be able to have certainty that an asteroid or comet won't hit the earth. I just wish I could go back to being able to not care about it, or at least not think about it 24/7.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi qarasuv,

Still here for you - sorry you are allowing your thoughts to take over.

"I will never, ever be able to have certainty that an asteroid or comet won't hit the earth" - you are absolutely right, we place our faith that there is always tomorrow and sometimes that's all we need to remember. It's just a good reminder to make the most of your today. Nothing in life is guaranteed, so enjoy every waking moment and be grateful for the chance to be a part of it.

Space geometry is a little different to what happens on earth, and most things are happy to swirl around (and near) other heavenly bodies without contravening their own movement (earth included) - a 'near miss' is more a relative reference in space terms (and I think some people just try to pump up the excitement).

With all those anxieties and premonitions, remember to tell yourself that nothing did happen - there is your proof.

Regards,

t.