Anxious about work, need to quit but I'm terrified.

[Benjamin]

I graduated with a degree in product design earlier this year, and was pretty lucky to get a design job quickly, which I thought was great but has become pretty horrible.

I am the only designer at the business which has put me under a lot more stress than I can handle - I am having panic attacks and spend most mornings in tears at the prospect of going to work, I'm not coping and it is affecting my work (when I can manage to stay focused enough to do any) and causing me a lot of dread.

My boss is not as guiding and supportive as I need at this point in my career, and spends a lot of time belittling and criticizing me and my work - it's a small company so I report directly to him and can't go to anyone else for help or support.

I really want to quit, I really need to quit - The business recently got acquired by a larger firm, but everything is staying the same in the office - same boss same environment. I have been given this big spiel about how the acquisition means that this is a great space for my career and I'm at the forefront of something big, I've also been told that it will be more pressure.

I am utterly miserable and distraught, I know I need to quit and soon but the acquisition has only just happened, and despite not at all liking my boss I am terrified of disappointing everyone - and I am terrified at the prospect of the 4 weeks following by resignation submission because I know that things will be a living hell here.

I don't really know what to do, If I don't get out I'm worried that I will spiral to a place I won't be able to come back from - but when I do quit I'm worried that the people here will push me to that anyway.

[Blue_Jane]

Hi Benjamin

Apologies for the delay in our response.

Congrats on finishing your degree in such an interesting field.

However sorry to hear about things at work. What a disappointing boss you have, sounds like he is insecure and taking it out on you.

I too have had a boss like yours early in my career and at the time it was very damaging to my mental health but as soon as I changed teams things improved immensely. Then he was fired so that was great!

You need to put yourself first and not worry about the impact of your resignation. Have you started looking for another role? Or are you so busy that you don't have time? If it is the latter you need to make time...fix up your resume and start researching organisations you want to work for. What about recruiters who focus in product design?

Being in the current mindset you need to look after yourself even more. How is your diet? Do you exercise? During the workday, is it possible that you eat your lunch outside for some vitamin D?

Outside of work, what are you interested in?

Look forward to hearing from you.

Blue Jane

[demonblaster]

Hi Ben

First up yeah congrats, but jeez what a shame start to your career, it won't necessarily be this way in your future you need to know that, and yeah great post from Blue Jane who's covered stuff well and I'm thinking the same that's not the enviroment you need and esp in the start of your new exciting career.
Agreed look after you first.

What I suggest and there'd be no loss really cause he sounds like a Pratt (sadly I can't say what I'd like to 🙂 but worth a shot to talk to him, be difficult to stay calm, have a good think about what you want to say as opposed to impulse and tell him it's not on how he's treating you and the stress is mega. Ya never know, he may wake up to himself but if not nothing to lose really cause sounds like you're doing the work for more than one person so he may feel threatened and not wanna lose you and back off.

Good luck and let us know how you're going bud

[Benjamin]

I wok up sobbing so I submitted my resignation yesterday afternoon. I dont have anything lined up and Im trying not to worry about that - i can find work and my family and girlfriend are very supportive and know they will help if I really need it, hopefully I wont.

My boss was absolutely livid, screaming at me that I was making a mistake and that I was just "running scared" - it has really rocked my confidence and I cant stop thinking about it, he also sent me a text that evening saying how "bitterly dissapointed" he was and that I should reconsider by Monday.

Im not staying there, especially after the vitriol I got after giving in my letter. I keep playing back everything he said and its making me more and more anxious. Im really scared of going in on Monday, im trying tonremind myself that I made the right decision but my confidence is shot.

To answer Jane: I have been trying to improve my diet, it has been really difficult to eat anything these past 2 months anxiety is making me feel nauseous and the thought of food has been off putting.

I do very little excercise, I know I should and it might help but Im exhausted.

[demonblaster]

Very good to hear Ben you've got a great supportive network

Is there any reason you have to go back Monday?

Him saying you better reconsider by Monday tells me you're an asset, I reckon he'll have his tail between his legs but of course would never let it known

Good onya

It is hard not too replay and it has been a traumatic time for you and you need time to process but you've got a great future ahead of you so try to focus too on that otherwise as it is atm poor thing it'll continue swamping and increase.

A bit of time to recover will probs be a good idea before starting up again too but that's entirely down to you

Thanks for updating

[Meowface]

Hi Benjamin - so glad to hear you resigned. I too had a very similar boss at the start of my career and I am SO glad I finally got the guts to leave. I stayed too long though but you are smart you've gotten out now.

Trust me you will find another opportunity - look for a supportive team environment and you will be amazed at the difference. Sure no work place is all roses but you've removed yourself from a bad situation.

Make sure you have a good rest now and don't let anything he said get your confidence down - he clearly had his own issues and they're not a reflection of you. Look after yourself xx

[demonblaster]

In my working life DSP (disability support Pension) now I moved around a lot and worked many places and a few different types of work and concluded along the way we spend our best yrs of our lives working, which is a shame, kudos to those that retire early to enjoy better health hopefully, and each day for an 8 hr work day it's moreso 10 hrs allowing to/fro

We've gotta be happy where we're working, & at a young age I realised we can do any job really, it's teh people that make or break as in your situation, sadly though there's always a minority in every life situation that there's pratts but I believe in life 75+ % of people are good and that's how it has to stay and increase from there.



Good post Meow

[Blue_Jane]

Hi Benjamin

Your judgement sounds spot on, especially with the reaction to your resignation. Regarding Monday, don't focus on him, focus on what you want to get done before you leave and who you want to stay in touch with. I am sure your colleagues can see what a difficult person your boss is.

If your boss keeps being difficult, say to him that you only have a short period together left and you want to focus on getting things done in that time.

I really hope that someone else more senior notices his reaction and steps in. What does his boss think of him?

I understand about the diet and exercise, you have had such turmoil but now you can get things back on track.

Its great about your support network, make sure you lean on them over the next few weeks.

If it is any comfort, the first time I resigned from a job I was in my last year of uni. I was working for a small company and the owner was horrible (although not as bad as the one I referenced in my first post). The day I resigned he screamed at me too. He then shut the door to where the other employees were, told me how much I was letting everyone down and marched me out of the office. I never got to say goodbye to my other colleagues which was really sad. It too rocked my confidence (plus I was 22 years old) and I can't imagine that sort of thing happening in my workplace today!

Hear from you soon.

Blue Jane

[Benjamin]

I am contractually bound and had to give a months notice which has not helped my mental health over this.

I have note coped will with the last week, I didnt cope well after I gave in my notice so this last month of being there - knowing that my boss is going to make it hell for me, its not something I think Im prepared for.

[demonblaster]

Bumma but at the very least there's a light at the end of the tunnel & you're well within your rights to speak up and tell him to back off and I'd be saying he's the main reason you're leaving and about how much work they're dumping on you.

What a jerk, each day countdown, so 20 working days I'm assuming, time goes quick and you'll be looking back on this.

As said above, remember, it's not you it's him. He must have a LOT of staff turn around with crap attitude he's got.

You've got here to vent as much and loudly as you like

There's an end coming to this so keep that in mind budz 🙂