Anxiety During Dates

[zbloom]

Hi, I was diagnosed with GAD a few years ago after my anxiety got out of control during a dating relationship - I thought she was the girl I was going to marry, but started to have real heavy doubts about the relationship (no obvious red flags, I just started to feel different about it - and very anxious). We ended up breaking up, but this same crippling anxiety has plagued me in other relationships since then. I don't totally know how to describe the feeling, but I start to feel trapped while sitting across the table from the other person, and start to feel very avoidant. Most of the anxiety is very visceral, and not necessarily very mental.

I guess my confusion is whether or not this is my intuition telling me I am not into the person, or if I am having major attachment insecurity; I don't want to run from a good thing, but I wonder if I should trust my gut. Telling myself that I just like the person as a friend can give me comfort, but it is so hard to tell what is true.

[Soberlicious96]

Dear zbloom,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

I would like to share with you a book that I have found to be very helpful; it's called "Mars and Venus on a date" and it talks about the stages that relationships go through, from first meeting, to dating, to uncertainty, to engagement etc ..... and I've probably missed a stage, and I definitely haven't got all the stages there either. But what I can also tell you is this; until i learnt about the different stages, I too thought that there was something wrong with me, because in every relationship I've been in, I've ALWAYS been uncertain and anxious at some point. But uncertainty, as I have come to learn, is just a normal natural stage of any relationship.

To give you a bit of an idea about the stages of relationships, here's a link to more information about it;

http://www.loveatfirstfight.com/relationship-advice/relationship-stages/

On the other hand, if you are concerned that there is more to it, then perhaps you could consider speaking to a relationship counselor about what you are thinking and feeling. Do you think that may help?

In the meantime, you can come back here to Beyond Blue as much as you like. After all, that's what we are here for.

Anyway, I hope that helps a little. Take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo