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Anxiety + Comparing oneself

Community Member

Hi all, 


I just wanted another person's opinion on how exactly do I overcome my issue of comparing myself with others? I know the harm of it, and I can very much feel the pain that it gives me but I just can't stop. For instance, I either feel like I'm never doing enough / never achieving enough / my life isn't where I expect it to be etc.


It's really messing with my head and has led to quite bad anxiety and I'm not too sure what to do. Open to any input and advice.

2 Replies 2

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

I remember my school days where it was imperative to wear the same clothes, brand of shoes, and even modify our natural speech and behaviour to meet some invisible law of conformity.
This is just a genetic throwback to our primitive social survival skills (pack mentality, safety in numbers, trying not to get eaten by a sabretooth tiger...) and has fueled a huge industry which exploits these primal urges by reminding us how pitiful we all are without whatever deception they are selling.

As adults, when one would like to believe we had more sense, the trend carries on into what car we drive, the 'statement' our interior decor exudes (being somehow 'definitive' of our true selves?), and again creating some impulse to dispense with the perfectly adequate and replace it with the conventionally accepted social standard of the day.
Indeed, it powers the economy and all the rubbish we produce from the mindless churnings of industry.

Lifting the veil on all of this is your first objective, setting your own standards to live up to comes next. The final step is when you realise you do not need to be a follower and your place in this world is uniquely exquisite without betraying one iota of your self identity.

Community Member

Hmmm hey bigaloo

hope you are doing better today, it sounds a bit like you have some negative self talk happening and that’s a really painful place to be in your mind! I feel for you on that. 
do you recognise where these sort of feedback loops come from? Is this perhaps a learned and internalised thought system that maybe isn’t even your own!? Did you grow up being told you weren’t good enough or are you under tremendous pressure to perform based on somebody else’s standards? 
I can’t give you any really decent advice but I hope someone here can, I do feel very strongly however that you deserve some appreciation and to cut yourself some slack. I’m sure you use a lot of energy just burning head miles with these issues and don’t forget you deserve rest and a break. Be kind to yourself. 
Also the only other thing I’ve found that helped with this sort of thing is getting out and volunteering (cleanup days, soup kitchen, planting trees) 

it does wonders for your self esteem and gaining perspective, and getting a real read on other people and what they go through or experience which might help you differentiate a sense of self and other in a more productive sense. 

wag x