Anxiety and its physical symptoms: a vicious cycle

[azarrah]

Hi everyone. I want to post this thread because I've been needing to get my thoughts out for a while.

I finished school last year. I loved having a purpose and goal. It was comfortable, whilst still being mentally stimulating. I
never fully registered that I was leaving, even during the final week. Life felt surreal, and has done so since my very last class…and we’re halfway through Semester 1 of uni now.

I started having random shakiness in December. It turned into an almost-fainting episode and a horrible January in which I completely panicked, blew my health situation out of proportion, and became very physically ill. Lethargic, terrified all the time that something was seriously wrong, ended up hyperventilating and had to go to hospital, shaky, dizzy, mentally cloudy, you name it, I had it. It was a vicious cycle whereby the more I worried, the worse my health became. Although some doctors suggested stress, I insisted I wasn't anxious. I realise now that I was extremely stressed, both about my health and about finishing school. I was just suppressing it. The doctors did a whole bunch of blood tests and concluded that I was in perfect health. I was convinced something was wrong neurologically, although no doctor would entertain this for a second. So the issue was dropped. I felt much better when I had a new purpose: cleaning out our house to rent it, which was a serious chore.

I settled in here well, although I was still mentally foggy . Now I’m constantly on the brink of tears, have a poor memory (when it’s usually excellent), apathy, my body trembles constantly, has minor muscle twitches and is tense, always feel tired but never want to go to bed. None of the symptoms are that bad, but I blow them out of proportion; especially the mental fogginess, which is driving me mad. I prided myself on being witty and sharp, which I’m just not anymore.

I guess I have two problems: the first is that I never got over facing the real world. This caused anxiety symptoms, which I didn’t realise at the time, and I took it to be a physical health problem…which caused more anxiety.

I’m definitely going to see a psychologist about this as I’m sick of it. I want to know how to manage it and feel better. I’m
terrified that I never will. In the meantime, anybody more experienced have words of wisdom for convincing themselves they’re not dying, or how to get over leaving behind a life you knew? I’d really appreciate all messages 🙂

[B_Murf]

Hi azarrah!

unfortunately I'm not more experienced with improving anxiety, but I have felt similar.

It is amazing how much physical effect the brain can have on the body. I've experience first hand how thoughts alone can pretty much impair my functions. Hopefully knowing it is purely mental is at least some comfort.

I also think the transition from being in school to post school is intimidating and one of the hardest you will have in your life. School tends to be a bit of a bubble and leaving it can seem like entering a massive open expanse that you don't fully understand. Thankfully it gets easier! Also good job seeking help, I think this will speed up the process many times over.

Interesting to hear that the goals of school and preparing the house makes you feel better. It's not a cure but does keeping busy help?

[azarrah]

Hi B Murf, thanks for your lovely response. I think it's the regularity and consistency of my physical symptoms that still makes me really worried it's a different issues. I thought of anxiety as something that kind of spikes up and down, but the spikes are actually more like gradual waves (at least for me). I also didn't register the emotions behind the physical effects. Well, I didn't even identify what it was for a few months, and honestly, sometimes I don't think I'm convinced (which is further proof that anxiety's the problem, ironically). That's one of the reasons I want to go to a psychologist, so that I can get a professional opinion and some reassurance.

It's not so much busy-ness that helps me, it's having work to do with a clear goal. Clearing the house out during the holidays was a prime example. I clearly remember that in the first few days, my whole body was really shaky when lifting boxes and carrying things; by the end, I was calm physically as well as mentally. I found energy again, as well, and I was really enthusiastic to keep cleaning. A few days before I had to leave for uni, I started feeling trembly and weak again...

This afternoon, I had an exam. It seems counterintuitive, but having something else to focus on completely, an activity which I'm very comfortable doing whilst still having to concentrate on 100%, was hugely helpful. As I was studying for the exam, my mental clarity mostly returned and I was able to remember a pretty substantial amount of information in a short amount of time. This was greatly reassuring for me, as I was concerned I wouldn't remember any of it. Turns out, I just didn't remember, remembering it! At the end of the exam, my hands were completely still and I was no longer tense. Amazing how your mental state can really affect your physical wellbeing.

[blondguy]

Hi Azzarah

Welcome and thankyou for having the courage to reach out and post 🙂

The symptoms are awful...the hyperventilating..the shakiness....the 'almost' fainting..the cloudiness. They are all very common anxiety feelings. I had the same when I was a young exec. Its a bad place to be in

I used to have chronic anxiety in my 20's which I thought I could self heal. I was so wrong. You are a very strong person to already have decided on seeing a psychologist and good on you! Thats a huge step towards recovery!

I have been involved in helping others with anxiety for years. I am not a doctor. Just very experienced on this

• I have never known anyone to die (or even faint) from anxiety whether mild or severe. It doesnt happen.
• The symptoms (feelings) are scary for sure. Your adrenaline is pumping overtime resulting in these feelings
• Anxiety, mild or severe is exhausting as the fear of having another anxiety feeling compounds the symptoms
• Good on you for saying 'Managing the anxiety' and not 'fighting it'
• Acceptance and Commitment therapy is a huge help to finding peace
• The anxiety symptoms can sometimes last for a long time especially without a good GP and a psychologist
• Temporary relief: No coffee...and no mobiles/laptops/tablets at least an hour before bed as they only stimulate brain activity which is the last thing you need when a quality sleep is needed to offset anxiety

The Good news :-).....The severity of anxiety does decrease over time. It needs patience, time and frequent counseling. You WILL find peace from this pain and anguish

The first and best step is your GP....She/he will be able to help you in which direction to take. They have much better training now compared to when I had the same symptoms years ago

Please excuse the long post Azarrah. I hope some of it has been of help to you 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul

[azarrah]

Hi Paul, what lovely comments. Thank you so much.

It is easy to decide to see a psychologist. It's something I considered in the past, when what I assume were hormones caused random mental states. I ended up growing out of it (mostly), so I never went. I think that those episodes are indicators that my chemistry is pretty sensitive, so I guess I'm not that surprised.

It's something else to actually do it. It's like when you're ill and know you should go to the doctor, but you keep telling yourself "just one more day, I might start to feel better" (I have a roommate who's doing that right now, as much as I tell her she needs to go to the GP...). I can't go for another few weeks anyway, so I'll just worry about it then haha.

The thing is that I don't actually feel that much pain and anguish. I've definitely been through periods of fear, but then I just blocked out what I wanted to ignore. I didn't feel like myself at all. I think now that I've accepted what the problem is, I can start to find myself again.

Reading through the threads on the forums makes me feel much better. It is comforting to know that so many others feel the same way as I do, and so many of the symptoms I was afraid of have been described by others. I'm sorry so many are feeling down, but at least we all have each other 🙂

[blondguy]

Hi Azarrah

Thankyou for the super kind post back 🙂

Im happy that you have found some peace by using 'true & calm acceptance'

Some people do 'fight' anxiety which only exacerbates the fear

Anxiety (fear) is diffused quickly when using genuine 'acceptance'

you really have a great sense of clarity Azzarah

Like you said...."we all have eachother" 🙂

Great to have you on the forums

my kindest

Paul