Young mother who is alone.

[Jarkara]

I am 23 years old, one son who is almost one and a half who is also a handful and I am alone.

My partner joined the army and is away doing his training and I have no family to help and I feel completely overwhelmed and angry because nothing is going right and everything is falling apart since my partner left. I was diagnosed with PND when my son was born and it left me feeling detached from him, like there was no love there. I was put on medication and it helped and it went away but now that I am pregnant again I feel the same way about both babies, just complete detachment and I don't want to feel that way. I have made an appointment to see my doctor and there is nothing else I can do but wait and I guess I was just looking for someone who understood what it is like to be completely alone with a difficult baby feeling disconnected from everyone and everything.

[Alana_H]

Hi Jarkara,

Well done for posting on the forum, it can be really hard to open up as a mother and it's brave to come on here and talk about it, I think it's something that more mums should do.

Firstly, I just want to say that what you are going through is really tough, being a mum can be the most isolating thing in the world, especially without the help of your partner or family. I think it is so reasonable that you are struggling right now. I definitely found being pregnant with a toddler one of the most difficult times of my entire life, I didn't know what to do with each day as I was so tired but my toddler needed soooo much attention! You must be so exhausted.

It's great that you can recognise that you are in a place that you don't want to be right now and have made an appointment with your doctor, did you have a counsellor you liked form when you had PND? Or were there things that you did that helped you then?

I know this wont fix your current detached feelings, but what I found really helped was trying to find something (anything) to take my toddler to every day of the week. I know this might sound like a big ask, but for me getting him out of the house everyday made him much more manageable at home. I hooked up with the library, the playgroups, the music groups, swimming lessons... what ever I could find that was reasonably priced. It also gave him play opportunities that I couldn't give him at home because I was to exhausted to do/think of anything. Also I'm not sure if he's already in daycare or if you even want to consider it but having that break 1-2 days a week (especially if you're on 24/7) can be a lifesaver.

If you need someone to talk to I'm sure you've heard of PANDA, they specialise in PND, pregnancy and having young kids 1300 726 306 (open 9am-7.30pm) and there's beyondblue on 1300 22 4636 which is 24/7.

Feel free to jump back on the forum for a chat or to let us know how you're going.

Alana_H

[Wazowski]

Hi Jarkara,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you are having these feelings as a mother, and I want you to know that we are here for you. Post natal depression isn’t something which is talked about a lot but actually affects many new mums: around 1 in 10 women develop PND after the birth of their child. It can be very unnerving to have these feelings because naturally you want to be a good mother, and do the best for your children. However, feeling detached from your son and your unborn baby does not make you a bad person or a bad mother. It’s awful that you have to go through this again, but the good news is that you overcame it last time with the help of medication and time. Is there anything else that you found helpful that you can draw on?

I understand that you are feeling like you have to go through this alone because your partner has joined the army and you don’t have any family to support you. I’m sorry that you feel so alone in this. However, it’s really important for you to have some support as you go through this difficult time. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor to talk through some of the feelings you have been having? I’m also wondering if there are any support groups for young mums where you live? It might be good to meet other likeminded individuals who you can identify with and go to for advice.

It’s great that you have made an appointment to see the doctor and I hope it goes well. Also reaching out on this forum is a great way to feel less alone, because you can talk to us whenever you need. I can see that after going through this before, you can identify what is happening and take the appropriate steps to manage it. Let us know if there is anything else we can help you with.

Take care,
Wazowski