Why do i feel like this?
So i've been feeling this for quite a while now, i'd say 4 years or more..
I feel a kind of rush of adrenaline and sort of like a rush of fake happiness and like i would just start smiling and laughing and feel so confident with myself but not in like a normal way... if that makes sense? This would usually happen once every few months, its like episodes i guess? And i could feel it coming, so like i could feel its like a kind of switch in my chest and i could feel it switch itself and i would be different. Usually occurs when im under stress or when something triggers it like today i felt it switch when i was talking about it to my friend, i haven't ever talked about this before and i kind of also forgot about it for a year or two but today i for some reason remembered it and told someone and i came home and felt it switch. It makes me feel like i could be on top of the world or go onto really high places like roofs or go for a run or scream and stuff like that.
I really dont know how to explain this feeling im so sorry but i just want to know what this feeling is and why i get it.. i'm not trying to self diagnose myself with anything i just want to get an idea of what it might be so i can have some sort of closure that i'm not going crazy. I cant see a professional about this either because my parents are against it.. even though im 18 >.<
I was diagnosed with dissociation disorder, depression and anxiety disorder in 2016 but the therapist that diagnosed me was a bit sketchy so i'm not too sure if this is why i feel this way?
Sorry if this doesn't make sense... I'm not sure how to explain it but does anyone know what this is?
This question would be very difficult to answer. However, I do see some parallels in the euphoria of which you mention to some similar experiences I’ve had.
Our brain is complex. There is various chemicals and transmitters that, when damaged can result in mental illnesses. Even the most undamaged brain can have its quirks, even result in some odd behaviours that are not classified as anything resembling mental illness.
The movie “Rainman” is an example of the opposite. His character had autism, a major mental illness yet he like many with autism had a mind with incredible memory and mathematical genius.
Some people with MI have artistic qualities etc. I prefer to label these oddities as “quirks”. They are harmless and unique.
In your case it is similar to a natural “high”. You experience laughter and confidence and all I’m saying is it might well be a quirk of your mind causing it. This high has happened to me- friends thought I was drunk, I hadn’t touched any drink,
Whatever causes it I wouldn’t have much concern about it. If it continues to worry you in a few years then by all means pursue it through a doctor when you are more independent. Otherwise it is a harmless quirk and unique to your personality.
I call my inner quirk- my inner clown. I wrote a poem about him once-
MY OWN CLOWN
I have a clown I hold in my hand
people would laugh, they wouldn’t understand
And sometimes I see him through a blur
I was crying, of course we both were
one day he said I was a clown
”I laugh when you’re up, and cry when you’re down”
I looked closer to this little man I could barely see
this little clown...was a mirror image of me!!...