Weird relationship with my mum

[cant_come_up_with_a_name]

hello,

I have a bit of a weird relationship with my mum and I don't know if I'm overreacting or not.

I don't know where to start but she is a single mum and she's also an alcoholic. When she drinks (which is very often) I hate being at home. I genuinely feel like running away. I have got depression and anxiety which she does too but she's so selfish and unhelpful when I have an episode. A few months ago I fell into a bit of a depressive episode, she told me I was being selfish and anti-social and she basically said that I was being an inconvenience. one time she was driving me home from basketball practice and I was crying because she was yelling at me for some reason but I was fidgeting with a part of my jumper and she said I was faking it for attention and that I don't actually have anxiety...I didn't even say anything I was completely quiet the entire time she was yelling at me. One time I told her that she upset me and then it ended up with her banging on my door and yelling at me, saying she was going to off herself. I can't stand up to her anymore because I feel like she might do something to herself. She is not mentally stable at all and I feel like I'm walking on thin glass whenever I'm at home. I also feel like she does not care about me at all? like when i show her my art she completely ignores it and the same with absolutely anything I'm proud of. after a hard year of bad grades failing most things because I was having a really tough time mentally, I got an 70% and I told her and she was completely unimpressed like it wasn't good enough. And when i needed a therapist a couple of years ago, i kept on reminding her and asking and she would just put off trying to find one for months. When we finally got to the doctor, we did get referred to a psychologist, but then she kept on postponing calling the place for another good 4 months.

I came out as trans (ftm) to her a few months ago and she is now completely ignoring it and doesn't talk about it at all. She said I'm not allowed to change my name, she still uses she/her pronouns and when I came out to her she said that I didn't know what I was talking about. She did call the doctor about a gender therapist to see and they said they'd call her back to give me a referral. The doctor called me the other day to say that shed called my mum multiple times and she hasn't picked up or called back, which shes said she'd do for two months.

Sorry for this rant but thank you for reading.

[Sophie_M]

Hi, cant come up with a name. Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community.

It sounds like things at home have been very distressing and overwhelming for you and it is understandable that you would be in need of support with everything that has been going on.

If you feel it might be helpful, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[Helarctus]

Hello there,

It sounds like you both have some difficulties and the environment between you isn't generating good wellbeing for you both.

For you, congratulations on coming out and being comfortable and confident in yourself and who you are; who you know you are really in your heart. Depending on your age, you may have to wait before you can legally change your name yourself. If your mother has problems using your preferred pronouns or name, that is her problem, _not_ yours. Hopefully she will be able to accept you for who you really are.

There are trans specific threads here and support groups you can contact to talk to about the sorts of things that other trans people have gone through with their families. Finding peer support is a good idea.

If you are concerned about your mothers drinking and the impact it is having on your relationship with her, ideally you can try talking with her about it when she is sober. However, if you are not comfortable with doing this alone, it might be an idea to have a friend or other family member (dad, uncle, nanna, etc.) to have a chat with her about it. Other options are to get in touch with one of the support groups for the children of alcoholics, google is your friend on this, to see what other ideas there might be for you to try.

If things are getting actively hostile, you can contact Beyond Blue support line among many other services for information on options available to you based on your location and age.

If you have genuine fear of harm/abuse, the police can and be called.

Hopefully some of that is useful for you,

Helarctus