Terrified of failure

[Sarah_Louise]

Hi guys, somebody please tell me that fear of failure is somewhat "normal". Lately i have been so pre-occupied with this overbearing fear of failing. So pretty much my exams are contributing a lot to this stress, but everyday things are begining to make their way into my mind and its making me feel so crappy. I began a course of anti-depressents early this year and honestly thought that the medication and the therapy was helping, long story short, i thought i was better, decided to cancel my therapist appointments and stopped my anti-depressants. Firstly, because i thought i was okay and secondly, because im so scared that i will need to rely on them as i get older. Obviously 2 very big mistakes considering ive been suffering with depression,self-harm and bulimia since i was 15 (3 years). Everything has come crashing back down on me, i feel terrible, sad, anxious and ive had to start taking them again. Is this normal? I feel like a failure, i cant even manage to stay off my medications. Is this every going to end. I just feel like i will never be "okay". 😞

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[white knight]

Hi Sarah.louise   (nice name) welcome

Ok, in terms of your illness we here tend to educate members by trying to expect them to manage their illness for life rather than expect you to fully recover. If you get yourself into that frame of mind to accept this fully, then that cycle you described is not repeated as it was.

My take on all this is that mental illness is often a condition/s of extremes, highs and lows...greater highs and lows than those without mental illness. Medication has its role and that is to reduce these highs from going as high as they go and the lows going as low as they go. The wave effect with still be there but much less and I'm a living example of this. I still have my days say 2 days a month when I'm down which is far better than 10 days a months etc. And those two days are never as bad as they used to be- due to medication.

One of the biggest issues I read here are members that over time feel they are ok. Or at least feel well enough to stop meds or therapy etc. Yet these feelings are a smoke screen and I urge people to never stop meds without their doctors approval. It has been countless times I've felt like stopping meds only to find a week or two later I'm down again and only then do I realise how silly it would have been for me to make that choice.

Once meds have been tried and fine tuned (I tried 12 until the right one was found) I treat the whole tablet taking routine as just another daily or twice daily task. I have always taken fish oil so what is a few pills as well at the same time? How difficult is this....it isnt hard at all.

I feel that you're going through a stage we all tend to face. Acceptance. It took me quite a while to accept I am "not normal". But think about it...is a bully normal? Is an over excited person normal? Is a person that is never punctual normal? We need a pill to keep our mind more level so we can function ok.

Good luck  Tony WK

[Narniakid]

Hi there Sarah.Louise!

What you've described is completely normal for anxiety and depression - we've all experienced this fear at some point. I totally agree with everything that white knight as said; get into the mindset that this is something you'll probably have to deal with for the rest of your life. I know how scary that sounds, but long term medication and therapy will help you to actually recover. You must remember mental illness doesn't work the same way a physical injury does - you can't just take antidepressants for a year or two and expect it to just go away. The only way it gets better is if you accept what you have and seek appropriate help. Luckily, there's so much out there nowadays to help you, as mental illness is so common (just look at how big this community is).

If I were you I'd definitely go back to seeing a psychologist or therapist, or if you didn't find your previous one helpful, look for a new one. I went through about 5 before I found a psychologist who could help me, and I've been seeing her for around 6 years now, and she has helped me make a tremendous leap towards recovery.

I also highly recommend reading up on the resources for anxiety and depression here on the BB website (you can also get them sent out to you via mail). Understanding what you're going through will help you accept it.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Crystal

[morgs29]

Hi Sarah.Louise 🙂

Thank you for sharing with us, I think it's a really brave thing to do. I can really sense how overbearing this fear of failure is for you. Can I start by saying that yes, it's totally "normal" to have a fear of failure! I have yet to meet a person who doesn't! Following on from white knight's great advice about acceptance, for me personally on my own journey; accepting my own feelings has been something that has helped me greatly. That's not to say I always like the feelings I experience, but allowing myself to feel them has helped me work through them.

I totally get where you're coming from, where you speak about feeling better and stopping all your treatment. I have been dealing with depression & anxiety for over 10 years now. There have been so many times I thought I was 'all better!' and forgot to focus on my self-care. These were the times where I was reminded that what I was experiencing was still there and ignoring it really didn't do me justice. So many times I have thought to myself, "will I ever be okay?" and it's taken me a long time to know that I am always okay, just the way I am. There are real down periods, and this reminds me to turn to what helps me; my psychologist, my partner, my friends and my cats 🙂 Maybe ask yourself, what are the things that help you most when you feel like this?

Please know that everything you are experiencing is so normal for someone dealing with anxiety & depression. It can sometimes feel like a rollercoaster ride, especially when we are figuring out how to look after ourselves best.

Check out the resources on this site for anxiety and depression if you like and remember there is also a 'chat online' option if you ever feel overwhelmed. We're all in this together and just remember you aren't alone.

Keep up the good fight! What an amazing young woman you are for reaching out and wanting to connect with others to help yourself.

 Morgan 

[ashleighc]

Hi Sarah.Lousie,

Welcome!  

I can completely understand where you are coming from. I was in a very similar situation to you about – I thought I was doing well so I took myself off my anti-depressants and cancelled my appointments with my psychologist. Only to find that I was NOT okay, I struggled to find the motivation to book another appointment, go back on meds, etc. That was 3 years ago for me.  

If I can give you any advice, it would be to continue the treatment until you and your psychologist are confident you can do it on your own. Your meds will help you with everyday motivation and dealing with any challenges you may face. And seeing your therapist will ensure you have the right coping mechanisms to survive without the anti-depressants. I still see my psychologist today, I am the happiest I’ve ever been. But I have learned to keep seeing her through the bad AND the good times. Because you never know when something unexpected will come up that you may need to speak to her/him about.  

Your therapist will help you come up with strategies to deal with difficult times that come with depression.   There is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you, you will be okay.

You need to be willing to put in the hard work to get better – taking your meds, seeing your therapist and doing things that make you happy.  

Make sure you focus on the positive things in your life, there is always something that will make you smile. If spending time with your family makes you happy – then organise a lunch with your family or a family day out. Exercise is also a great tool I have learned to manage my depression. You don’t necessarily have to hit the gym 5 days a week, but go for a walk, get some fresh air. Be around nature, it will clear your head and cheer you up.  

All the best gorgeous,

ajcameron xx

[blueangel]

Hi There Sarah.Louise!

Let my start by saying that you have taken the first step to "being okay" in the long run by seeking help. It's something that so many people with mental illness don't have the courage to do and it just proves what a strong girl you are and that you do indeed have the potential to overcome your mental illness. 

I must assure you though, fear of failure is a universal fear that doesn't discriminate. As humans we ALL have flaws and we ALL experience failure at some stage in our lives and unfortunately it sometimes can't be avoided. However, what we can do is alter our perspective to not fear potential failures but face them as they come and try our best today to avoid unnecessary anxiety. Failing can be seen as a 'breaking' event or as a push to try even harder - and become stronger. 

As for your recent blues, I can't stress enough how important it is to continue seeing your therapist whether you're having a "good" or "bad" week. Depression is a chronic disease which follows the 5 "R" stages - Response, Remission, Relapse, Recovery and Recurrence. This basically means, that we are always living with our illness (even when we are feeling great!) but progressing through different phases which is what makes us feel like we are on a roller coaster sometimes. This is why it's overly important to continue your therapist visits and anti-depressants even when you feel happy. Many anti-depressants when stopped suddenly can also cause our brain to have chemical imbalances and further detriment our mood and speaking from experience, the 'blues' feel a thousand times worse when I've stopped taking my anti-depressants in the past. 

In the meantime, I want to encourage you to engage in some activities that make you happy and things that bring you joy. I, myself too often get caught up with day-to-day activities and university work etc. that I forget to stop and take time out to just relax and read a book or go treat myself to a coffee at my favourite cafe. It's these little things we need to focus on and help us get through the hardest days. 

Finally, I want to let you know that you are never alone. I have been where you are many times before and I can promise you that you WILL come out stronger than you could ever image - just wait! 🙂

Be Positive and Keep Fighting!

-Blueangel

xx

[Lori]

Hi Sarah.Louise!

Firstly, Good on you for reaching out and speaking up about your struggles. Life isn't always easy and can be very daunting at times, but don't let fear define who you are. 

Try not to overthink about your exams, try you hardest to answer all the questions and if you cant or you just answer in small sentences don't panic, i have always been told "something is better than nothing" 

It's great to hear that you reached out and got help by talking to someone and started taking anti-depressants. I myself was taking anti-depressants and always had the fear of what happens when i'm older ? i don't want to have to rely on medication to keep me happy. But some people need to take them longer than others anti-depressants aren't a full term thing, you wont have to take them for the rest of your life, the idea of them is to give just give a bit more relief sooner. 

You are definitely not a failure, and everything that your experiencing at the moment is completely normal. It will get better it just takes time and alot of hard work but its definitely possible, don't ever give up on getting better. 

Just remember that your not alone and it's okay to talk to someone and to take anti-depressants its all normal and there's nothing wrong with it and none of it is long term, it will all get better in time.

Keep your head up and stay strong!! You can do this, fight this battle!! 

- Lori