She says we're just friends but it seems like more

[burgers7]

Last year I moved away from my hometown for work to a different state with one female friend who I had studied with at uni. I have known this girl for 3 years and before we moved we had been what I would call close. I.e  hang out on weekends, talk at least 2-3 times a week, played sport etc.

Living in shared accommodation together with other people for 12 months last year we continued to spend even more time together, going out for dinner, watching movies nearly every night and spending all day on weekends when we weren't both at work etc.

Prior to moving from our hometown I knew I had stronger feelings then just friends for her however due to job uncertainty I was't going to pursue a relationship. We both found out we would be working together (which had not been planned at all and was purely coincidental) and after a few months of living in the new state I told her I had stronger feelings for her. She instantly shut down on me and told me we never had a chance of being more then friends, much to my surprise due to the amount of time and what I thought were signs of interest from her, naturally I was greatly disappointed.

I managed to put the disappointment aside though and we continued to be great friends for the rest of the year. However this year we have moved into a house together with nobody else, I raised the issue to her when we spoke about living together telling her I didn't think it was a good idea as we would only ever be "friends" according to her and I thought living together would not be ideal for either of us, however she expressed she didn't think it would be a problem.

Everyone at work thinks we are dating, her family have pushed the point to her that I am a nice guy and that they think we are secretly dating, which seems to really annoy her. I am now finding that we are drifting apart as friends, some days we can talk to each other but other times I feel her responses are forced, and she regularly will try and put me down with insults etc which she never used to do.

I have tried many times to shake my feelings of interest towards her but I am struggling a great deal with it and find myself avoiding other social activities without her due to this.  

I'm unsure whether approaching her and telling her I still have feelings for her will create more problems, but on the other hand I don't understand why we are drifting apart and think maybe it is because she is getting annoyed that I haven't tried to pursue a relationship again.

Any advice?

[Pixie15]

Hi burgers7,

You need to understand that I am only responding to what is written in this post but I will tell you the same thing that I would tell my son if he found himself in this situation.

It seems to me that your situation with your friend is locking you into a relationship limbo. You do not pursue other social opportunities because you hope that one day she is going to turn around and say she wants you to be more than a friend. Since you have started this thread I am inclined to think you have already arrived at believing that this is unrealistic.

I would say her family are right and you are a nice guy but maybe in this situation you are being too nice for your own good.

Sorry if I am not helpful.

thanks,

Pixie.