Dear Imaydnn~
I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here and can recommend, as she does, the Kids Help Line, or their chat version. They can be very helpful and realistic.
Now, I do not find your symptoms are anything like mine have been - I'm no doctor and have a sample of exactly one (me) to draw on. I've PTSD, bouts of depression and continuing anxiety.
It is true matters do have ups and downs, though I've found my down periods have been about my moods crying, feeling suicidal, anger, fearfulness, and similar (making me very hard to live with in the past). Things are a lot better now. I never felt the world was literally going out of shape.
May I suggest that due to the severity of your symptoms you record them as best you can at the time or as close after as possible. In other words keep a journal containing not only times but as detailed a description of your feelings in each episode as you can bring yourself to do (some things maybe you will find too hard).
This makes an excellent tool for medical professionals to understand the extremity of your state, and as a by-product may produce patterns.
While I'm glad you feel better now these episodes may reoccur so getting prepared now would seem reasonable.
May I ask if you have anyone to support you, someone you can confide in without reservation? It makes a huge difference not to have to face this all alone.
They may even act as a scribe on some occasions.
The whole idea of this is of course for your doctors to see the full picture, investigate physical causes, and if there do not appear to be any then refer you on to a more specialized person such as a psychiatrist.
The way you describe things is no way to live, life can be better than that.
I hope to talk wiht you again
Croix
