Opinions are needed!

[Vivius_fantasia]

Hello, I'm here to talk about an issue I thought I must've broken out of before - but clearly haven't.

My first term of Year 10 were great, I was doing an Accelerated course in science and was the topping both my year 10 classmates and year 11 peers in the higher grade. However there has been a problem, that's been happening since my first ever official exam in high school. My study pattern was non-existent. I didn't need to study for a test at all and could still get way above 80%, assignments were also a bit of a factor as I was a huge procrastinator and refused to do them until the last minute.

Ever since my second term of Year 10 I began to sort of...burn out, my parents had warned me about this and said I was lucky enough it didn't happen to me in my HSC years. I still topped most of my classes (except math, I had a really rude teacher for that subject), including Accelerated Prelim. I just barely managed to hold my own during this period, and though I would light back up in Year 11.

Now I am in Year 11, and the only thing that has changed is my improvement in class work. I should also mention that I am an artist, and am also adapt in areas such as film editing. I love art, drawing crazy characters, making wild stories and letting my imagination flow free. However, now it is replaced with a constant headache - every-time I try to work, regardless if it is art or science, I cannot seem to wrap my head around it. It's getting harder and harder for me think properly, I can only really focus at school - and I am beginning to panic.

If I don't get over this stupid burnout I'm going to fall - and NO this isn't trying to live up to everyone's expectations. I never gave damn about the expectations of society and others, except those who are close to me (like my parents, who are trying to help me as best as they can). If my grades drop, I don't get the results that I want and need - I don't know what to do. I've set expectations for myself, and I know I can reach them. The problem is I don't understand why it's so hard to get moving. I need to understand something to do anything about it, that's how I work.

I know there is something wrong. If I am giving up on art, when it's the one thing that I love the most above all, the one thing nobody has stopped me from doing. I just need peoples opinions about this situation, please it's been happening for nearly a year now. If I become an adult like this, then I sure know that my future isn't going to be happy

[james1]

Hey Vivius_fantasia,

Welcome to the forums - it's nice to meet you here. I hope you find this a safe place to talk about what's been troubling you.

It sounds like you're quite clever and know what you want, but feel like there's an...invisible? wall that seems to be stopping you from doing the work you need to do. And for that to be happening for even your hobbies seems really frustrating.

It's hard for me to say, without knowing more, but in my experience lack of motivation, or rather lack of inspiration to act on the things we want to do, is of of many symptoms of depression or just generally "feeling down". And unfortunately it's a vicious cycle because we get even worse when we beat ourselves up about not being able to do what we want.

Have you spoken to anyone about this? Perhaps your friends or family, or even a doctor or school counsellor?It's really important that you don't go through this on your own which is why I'm so glad that you've posted here.

For me, I ended up starting antidepressant medication which is supposed to help bring that little bit of energy back. To be completely honest, I did find my creativity dropped a bit but at least I was able to draw and write, even if it wasn't exactly the best I'd ever done.

I hope you feel comfortable replying.

James

[Doolhof]

Hi Vivius_fantasia,

Is there a support person at school whom you can talk to regarding how you are feeling or to a teacher you trust?

On this forum there is a lot of information about depression. You could read some of that and see if it fits with how you are feeling.

I personally find that writing about how I am feeling helps me sort out in my mind what the problem is or may be.

Can you chat with your parents about how you are feeling?

As James mentioned, it is important to try to do the things that we enjoy, otherwise the downward spiral may be difficult to control.

[Ken1]

Hi Vivius_fantasia,

I love that you have a creative outlet. I'm super creative myself so can relate to that side of you. I can totally empathise with the 'headache' you referred to. When your mental health suffers and burnout is on the horizon, even the parts of your mind that you love most can disintegrate. For me, that was writing and I was so furious that despite not doing well in my subjects anymore, I was incapable of doing the 1 thing I knew how to do best. But that didn't mean it was gone forever and it doesn't mean that your creative genius is gone for you. It's just...in hiding.

I admire your determination and goal setting in yourself! Can I ask what you're looking at pursuing after school?

My anxiety was caused partly by the unreasonably high expectations I set of myself. I was a perfectionist, and it got to a point where perfection was not what I was achieving. Since, I have learned to accept that my best is the best that I can do, and whatever I want to achieve, I need to set reasonable goals to do so! I'm telling you now, you cannot achieve everything you want and be burnt out. And it's the worst, most frustrating feeling because all you ever did was try to achieve your goals! You did nothing wrong.

When you become burnt out, it generally means that you have depleted seratonin levels - your 'happy' tank has been sucked dry. That can eliminate your ability to focus, find motivation and enjoy the things you love i.e. art. The easiest way to explain how to fix that is to fill up your tank again - increase your seratonin levels. My suggestions on how to do this are: force yourself to be creative, even if you don't want to; talk about it to someone who's not a stakeholder! If you have hesitance towards seeing someone, please reply back so I can share some ways around that. Spend as much time outside as possible, exercise, eat well, MAKE SURE YOU SLEEP ENOUGH! School makes this hard, but it will make a difference - those little health related things are annoying to hear but they do make a difference.

No matter what, I am telling you that there is always a way out. It's in your hands and from the sounds of it, those hands are quite capable.

Would love to hear back. You can even tell me if I'm unhelpful.

Bonnie