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New school and no friends
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Hi Lizeyloo
Welcome to the bb forum and thank you for sharing your story.
I am a mum and my daughter experienced similar events with friends during her teenage years-a friendship breakup and changing schools. I do understand the hurtful impact and I’m really sorry for your pain and loneliness.
Settling into a new friendship group is challenging for everyone, so please don’t be too hard in yourself. It may take a bit of time but I believe it will happen for you.
I’ve got a few suggestions that we tried for your consideration...
- Go back and talk to the person who made the original pairing and tell them it wasn’t a successful match and ask for another.
- If you are in a house, have a chat about needing support with your house captain or the teacher responsible. Volunteer to help with house activities and participate when you can.
- Take a good look around the library next lunch time. Chances are there will be other girls there and consider if you could ask to join their study group. There will also likely be students there on their own who might really appreciate some company.
- Think about your interests-sports, art, computers, music, drama-and see if there is a club or activity you could get involved in.
My daughter was able to meet lots of kids through the school play and sports. Not all of them turned out to be friends but you only need one to get started.
My last suggestion would be to take up an activity outside of school. This may help to expand your world outside the realm of school cliques. Think about your areas of interest or if you think you could manage a part time job.
You’ve had a bad experience and you’re hurt but “you” are still there. You’ve got a lot to offer and I know there is another young girl out there just waiting to meet you.
Kind thoughts to you
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Hello Lizeyloo,
Welcome to the forums. I'm so sorry to hear that you've had such a terrible time trying to make friends and don't feel worthy to anybody.
It sounds like you really want to get out there and find some new friends, but you do not make friends easily and others aren't making it easy for you either.
Summer Rose's suggestion to think about your interests and getting involved in that is a good one. Even if you don't make any good friends, it will at least mean you can still be involved in something. And hopefully, you can make a friend there.
Still, the school environment can be really hard to make friends in, especially if you're new and everybody already has their own groups. It can be helpful sometimes to look outside of school, even if it's something you can do in-school. I know it doesn't directly help the time spent at school, but perhaps it can help you get through the day if you know you have something later that you're looking forward to.
Making friends can be really tough because you have to put yourself out there and hope people like what they see. It can be easier, and certainly feel better, to find other things you're actually interested in and hope that people who like the same things will want to have a chat with you.
In the meantime, does your new school have a counsellor? I don't know how much more help they can be than your mum, but perhaps they would have some ideas also with helping your social life?
James
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lizelyloo
I too welcome you to the forum and thank you for your feedback.
Summer rose and james have given helpful suggestions and it sounds like things are imp[roving for you.
I related to going to the library at lumch time or to bathroom if library was shut. It is many many decades when I was at high school but I remember the feeling of not belonging. I was depressed in year 11.
I am glad you are finding things you like to do.
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Hi Lizeyloo
Thank you for your kind words. And, yes, my daughter did eventually find a great group of friends at her new school. Give yourself time, you will get there too.
She also formed another group of friends doing volunteer work—bonus being it was good for her resume.
Like you, she had to make an effort but it paid off. I’m confident the same will hold true for you. As I used to tell my girl, there is a lid for every pot.
Gym is a great idea. The exercise will help improve your mood and it gets you moving and out of the house. You can take classes at many gyms, too. You know like zoomba or boxing—a great way to meet people.
Post any time to let us know how you’re going.
Kind thoughts to you
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Lizeyloo
i want to say how your posts are kind respectful and polite and you have really listened to what people have contributed.
It can be hard when you are having trouble fitting but you are willing to try suggestions and that shows you are felxible and willing to get involved,vex in new activities.
I think any group at school would be lucky ton have you in it.
If you want let us know how you get on .
By writing here you help others who read but don’t post so they now know that not only are they not alone that there are suggestions that may help.
take care
quirky