my boyfriend’s depression is driving me mad

[kebsong]

the title makes me sound like an awful person. honestly, i really think i may be.

first off, this boy and i are not dating officially; we both decided we were not in the right head space for a relationship but have basically ended up in a relationship anyway. we are both 16-17 and struggling with our own lives.

i don’t know how much detail is needed but we’ve gone through a lot together. in the past year, however, his depression has really really gone to shit. he struggles with his family and is drinking every night that he can, stealing out of his parents’ cellar.

i hate it when he’s drunk and made him promise over and over to stop drinking but he’s never kept a single one. we’ve had too many arguments about his drinking, and i’ve recently gone from mildly annoyed to completely furious when it happens.

even more recently, he’s turned to self harm. i realise that my immediate response to this is to call the cops and/or tell his parents. but every time, he’s done it when i’ve had no access to wifi. the first time he did it, he promised to not do it again, except he broke that promise too. every time it happens, all i do is cry and seethe after.

our online chat history is 60% memes and 40% fighting. i hate it.

he is inconsolable when he is in a depressive episode; if i tell him that smth is not his fault he will question it over and over til i get mad and then he drops it. i feel like it’s reached a point where our relationship is rlly toxic.

the thing is, he’s never once gotten upset at me for my breakdowns. he’s stayed with me through the lowest of lows and right now i can’t stand him even when i know his life is not easy.

i cant lose him. not even in a obsessive teenage romance way but in that he is one of the only things that keep me going. but i don’t want to always be mad about something that i cant control. i know i’m in the wrong and i really don’t know what to do.

am i being a horrible person? how do i stop getting mad? or should we take a break and get some space from each other?

[Sophie_M]

Dear kebsong,

Thank you so much for posting.. We understand that it must be really distressing for you and we want you to know that you are not a horrible person at all. We think that it's really brave that you reached out to our community tonight and we're so glad that you did. We have sent you a private message to offer some additional support.

It sounds like it's really important that your boyfriend gets professional help with his depression. He can access help for free from an organisation called Headspace. We would also like to let you know that Headspace is available to you as well if you need to talk out your frustrations about the relationship. It's okay to feel the way that you do and it's okay to ask for some support yourself. 

•    Headspace – https://www.eheadspace.org.au/ or 1800 650 890

Or if your boyfriend is feeling like self-harming, it would be good for him to phone a crisis line called Lifeline -

•    Lifeline – 13 11 14 and https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat (online chat available 7pm-4am)

You might also be interested in the following page which has some advice for supporting a loved one who won't seek help for their depression -

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/supporting-others/when-someone-you-care-about-wont-seek-support


We hope that you find responses from the community useful and to hear from you in the forums again. Don't forget, if you find that yourself or someone else is in immediate danger, always call 000 (triple zero).


Sophie M.