Moving abroad/challenges

[flower_girl1]

Hi all,

So I haven't been on here for a while, reason is I have just moved to London in the UK. 

I have been here for about six weeks and I'm definitely coming up against some challenges. 

Firstly I have a new job, doing interior design for a small business for the very high end of the market. I have only been there now for 2 weeks and I have lots of big clients which is seriously scary. My challenge is with how I behave and present myself to people. We all act a bit different at work and since I started I have been very guarded with my personality I am not really showing them who I am. This is because I got very badly hurt at my last job and I feel that this happened because I was to open about myself. But this has left me feeling very isolated because I have no one to be myself with. 

Secondly I am way far out of my comfort zone. I didn't think London would be this different but there is very little familiar about it. I have always been happiest when I am in a settled routine and right now I am still in hostels, have no routine and also no privacy to just mope about having no routine. I don't know how long it's going to take me to find a place so I also don't know how I am going to keep myself calm until I am in somewhere. I haven't been reading or drawing or doing any of the things that normally make me happy and I guess it's just hitting me now as to how hard this is. Coming here and living abroad has been a dream for a long time, but it's just not feeling the way I thought it would, and I suppose that's just getting me down because, well, what's life for if you can't enjoy living your dream. I don't know that I really piped on here for any advise, I just wanted to vent. Thanks for reading.

flower_girl

[Zeal]

Hi flower girl,

Moving to a new country is a big step for anyone. I know it hasn’t been very long, but have you made any friends in the UK yet? Leaving family and friends to move to a new place can present emotional challenges; this could be an amazing adventure for you though. I’m quietly impressed (well not so quietly now!) that you are pursuing something you love overseas. Your job sounds like an amazing opportunity. You are probably doing better than you think!

It’s normal to behave and act a bit differently at work compared with social situations and other aspects of your life. You have made an integral observation: you don’t have someone to be yourself with. Try skyping family and friends in Australia, or calling them. Doing this once a week could really help you feel more connected and socialised.

I haven’t stayed in a hostel before, but I can imagine that it wouldn’t feel that settled. I don’t know you, but based on the fact that you like being settled and having a certain routine, I think moving across the world to a new place for a new job, and living in a completely new environment is pretty major, and that you have been brave in pursuing this opportunity.

Many people with anxiety (and also without) would find this challenging. Do you know how long you will be in the UK for? It’s great that you read and draw in your free time. I love reading, but can’t draw! Try to start doing one of these before bed in your hostel; it could help to quiet and calm your mind. I think drawing would be therapeutic before going to sleep. I hope you are able to gradually start feeling more settled in London :)

Best wishes,

SM

[flower_girl1]

London Blues.

So I moved to London for an adventure, and I have definitely found a good job and a decent apartment, so I am settled. And yet I do not feel it.

I can't bring myself to do things on my days off, which is kind of the point of being here. I can't bring myself to eat healthy or stay organised or keep my room tidy or go out and meet people or do any of the things I came here to do.

I can't shake this feeling that I came here just to run from my life. To get away from all the things that caused my anxiety. It seemed like a really good idea. But life is still life no matter what city you are in. Do you think by simply getting away from an environment that has lead you down hill, you automatically start heading back up hill again?

Its my day off, and as usual I am in bed, I can't even be bothered to get and get a drink on this boiling hot day. I go to work because it is expected of me, and although it is a good job with good people, I am still having days when I just sit there and if something isn't urgent, a part of me just cannot bring myself to do it.

 I feel like I am in need of a good cry, but nothing is happening.

Flower_girl

[Doolhof]

Hi Flower girl,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. I have a girlfriend whose 2 girls are planning to move to London soon for work, one in July and the other in January. We used to have these girls sleep over at our place so I have known them since forever.

As SM has mentioned, are you in contact with family and friends back home? I know the time difference might be a bit of a bother, but that can be sorted.

Moving away to try to start all over again can be very beneficial, but it may also mean that you have to work a little harder on your original problems in order to move on.

An example, my husband decided we needed to move to the country from the city. Lovely. He now has not worked for two years as he can't find work here and won't travel back to the city for work as it is too far away. He is now feeling isolated from his friends who consider us to be living in the back of beyond and don't like to visit...but he will drive the same distance to visit them.

It sounds like you would benefit from routine as hard as it is right now for you to implement it! Try just  a couple of things to start with like : return home from work, make a cup of tea or coffee, and write down three things that went well today.

You could decide to go for a 1/2 hour walk, draw for half an hour, think about what you might like to cook for dinner or what ever.

Are there social groups where you could contact other Aussie's for company or even other people in the same boat as you, away from home and needing a friend.

Think of one place close by that you would like to go to and try to get there in the next week.

Ask a work colleague if they would be able to show you around a little.

Hope some of this rambling has helped!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools