Master's student in struggletown

[princessamelie12]

I'm 22- final semester master's student- this semester being my thesis semester. Since about March I've started to fall into a bit of hole (metaphorically speaking). As well as doing master's I've been dealing with two lots of family illness (one completely unexpected)with immediate family as well as other mental health issues. My degree basically means I have no time for anything else but to study everyday and work part time (had to keep a high GPA through-out). Also did off semesters so I essentially did sem 1 2014, winter sem 2014, sem 2 2014, summer sem 2015 and sem 1 2015. Last semester I did 15 contact hours a week and 45,000 words of papers over 4 courses plus a 3 hour exam. On top of this I've also been applying for multiple jobs a week- working everyday and trying to play sport and maintaining my relationship. 

I've got a bit of a history of mental health issues, which seem to have been made worse by the family illness that I've also been dealing with as well dealing with rejection of not getting jobs (the applications have taken me up to 5-10 each- some of them demanded 1,500 word applications). On top of this, I've been sick basically since last year (was in hospital for a couple of days), I've been on antibiotics 12 times since the middle of last year for various things, and now I've got even further complications which means I'm in alot of pain most of the time. I'm on medication for this but it's been quite ineffective thus far. Some days I really struggle to get out of bed and do basic things- either because I'm in pain or because I'm feeling very very depressed/anxious. Have called in sick for work a number of times. 

I'm concerned about what's going to happen after I finish my thesis and going into the workforce next year. I'm bisexual and I've already found myself trying to "hide" myself to make sure I'm not being discriminated against in job applications. I thought I would essentially outgrow mental health issues- but they have just seemed to have stayed around. My partner is really caring and considerate and tries to help me- and he's also very successful (3 years older). I feel very happy and proud of him for being successful at his work, but at the same time, it also makes me feel like I've achieved nothing in comparison.

Tried to speak to some professionals in my area but haven't been able to connect with them or I've been put on waiting lists. I think my resilience going to run out very soon. 

Advice would be much appreciated.

[white knight]

Hi princessamelie, welcome here

I think you are heading for a quick stop. It seems to me (comparing to my period of time prior to two mental collapses in recent years) that you are taking too much on.

The first casualty is your sport. You likely love it but you need more time to have a more relaxed lifestyle at the moment. Also your physical recent past would be weighing you down. Sometimes we expect too much of ourselves.

Take a couple of hours time out weekly say a Sunday arvo and fond a park for a picnic with your partner. Or find a hill and watch the sun go down. Wait for yourself to fully recover from your illnesses and rest up and complete your uni plans before you return to sport.

Prioritising is important for you right now as is extra time.

Tony WK

[Narniakid]

Hi princessamelie12!

Wow, no wonder you are feeling so depressed and anxious - you have so much going on!

First of all, is there anything you can possibly remove or temporarily put on hold to lessen the stress? If you're a full-time student, you could be eligible for some youth allowance, or some sort of government pay, which means you can at least hold off the part-time job until you finish your studies. 

It is wonderful that you have a lovely supportive partner, however do not make the mistake of comparing your own achievements to his - you are completely different people, with different strengths and weaknesses, different goals, and different career paths. If you spend your time worrying about "measuring up" to his achievements, nothing will ever be enough for you. Today, I want you to come up with one thing you've done in the past 12 months that you are proud of - no matter how big or small. The mere achievement of just getting out of bed is something to be applauded at. 

What I suggest you do is have a read of the resources regarding treatments for anxiety and depression here on the website, and consider giving the hotline a call. I think you need to prioritise some aspects of your life, and start giving yourself more down time - I personally have made the mistake of taking on so many commitments that I eventually fell under the pressure of not being able to just let off some stream and watch TV all day, because sometimes, that's all we really need.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Crystal