I've had long periods where I've felt incredibly lonely ever since late 2017, where I was in year 7, up until now. In my high school, I feel like I don't fully belong in a group. I've tried different groups but I honestly don't feel like I belong in any, no matter how hard I try. This sounds insane but I've had my fair share of drama and I've tried my absolute best to avoid it, but it has always found a way to me. I feel like many girls don't like me no matter how hard I try to be friends with them - good friends. It makes me feel so incredibly lonely when I see groups of girls and I'm only close to two at my school, who don't even live near me, and three in other schools who don't live near me either. I know that I'd thrive in a better environment, because I'd love to fulfil leadership and extra-curricular roles. I just feel like I'm losing people who I thought I could trust. I feel so small and insignificant in my school. I try really hard to talk to people, and the group I'm in now, but I can't fully click with them? I'd love a big group dynamic, and I'm envious of supportive groups or girl-boy groups. There's a group of girls in my grade, the 'popular' girls, who are in a group with around 30 boys. I used to hang out with these girls, but two of them bullied me in year 7 and I kept this to myself and two of my close friends, because I honestly didn't think others would believe me anyway. I went back to the group I'm in now, and again, I just don't feel a sense of belonging, after 2 years. I know I don't click with other groups too. I'm well-known, but, I just don't feel like the girls in my grade like me, and it's a horrible feeling after 3-4 years at my school. Recently, I've felt so mentally and physically drained. I'd rather focus on assessments or workouts, and now with school starting again, I arrive home and I'm even more exhausted to do these. Another problem I won't go into detail about is my parents; their communication has been getting worse for a while, and it's just hard to be in the middle of that. They aren't necessarily fighting, but it's uncomfortable. I love them each so much and I just can't tell them everything I'm feeling. They've worked very hard for me, and they've listened to me separately before when I was overstressed. I feel lonely without a sibling too, I lost her when she was 8 days. I just feel lonely, and it's been this way for a long time. I play the happy card, but when I get home, I just can't talk to anyone.
