life is just getting too much

[cripjay15]

i am just really struggling at the moment. the past 18 months have been hell. i feel like i can’t escape the constant voice in the back of my head telling me to feel how to feel. exams aren’t even what i am anxious about it’s my “friends” who make me feel like this. classes are the easy part. happiness just seems to be getting further and further away. i just can’t find a way to get out of the darkness. i want and need help but i just don’t know how to get to it.

[MyLadyGirl]

hello cripjay15

I am glad that you have reached BB for help with your anxiety. Care to share what's your 'friend' is all about (if you feel like to open up). Friends are always there. Sometime you need to know if this 'friend' is really a true friend that can be trusted and want you in your life. Darkness is always there in our life and to bring the sun, sharing and expressing will bring light to your life. Don't give up on the bright side.

[Aaronsis]

Good Morning cripjay15

I am so proud of you for reaching out, for speaking up and for finding a place to come and chat when you feel like you just dont know how to get help. There are some wonderful phone services, I am sure you are aware of lifeline 131114 as well as kids help line 1800 55 1800 I also understand that talking on the phone is not for everyone, but if you are really struggling to get through the next moment a call to lifeline is invaluable.

People, friends, family ..it is all very hard to manage when you are a young person and finding out who you are but also who you think you are "supposed to be" and you are "supposed to be doing", I feel like there is alot of pressure on our young people. I hear that you want to get out of the darkness and you have made the very first step here by talking. Just a thought, but perhaps your friends are feeling somewhat the same way you are, and so they too are having trouble finding happiness and also dealing with feelings, emotions, pressure and life. Maybe just asking your friend/s if "are you ok?' "how are you feeling?' might open up a whole conversation, where not only you can support them but they can support you. They also might say that they are totally fine too, but perhaps you can then say "i kind of am not" and let them know you need some support.

I am so pleased to hear tho that you are finding classes ok and that they are not providing an extra layer of pressure or stress for you, that is so great to hear.

I am not sure if I have been helpful to you cripjay15 but I am so pleased you are here, there are so many awesome people to talk to and just dump your words here, feel the support as we are here for you and you have made a great start.

Hope today finds something you can smile at.

Hugs to you

AS

[Ray216]

Hello

Sad to hear that your life is unwell. May I ask what this "darkness" feels like? It is sadness or fear? And how are your "friends" causing it?

[cripjay15]

i am just currently struggling with friends i feel as i try so much and do so much for them but it doesn’t came back to me. i have had a tough year with injuries and a whole lot of stuff and i just needed someone to be there for me, like i would for them. classes are the best part of the day because i can escape but even then i don’t feel in the right headspace

The darkness i feel just represents how i feel at the moment. like there is a voice at the back of my head telling me when i can be happy and when i cannot. just recently i have felt in the darkness more then ever and i feel like sometimes i can never escape.

and anxiety wise it never ends, the smallest things get me stressed and anxious. i struggle at school and then i just come home and it doesn’t stop. when i try to do something i enjoy like i play a lot of sport at a high level it just all of a sudden comes on and the voice just tells me oh well this wouldn’t usually stress other people out but for you it is gonna.

i have had a few anxiety attacks lately so my parents have organised to speak to the school counsellor. but this is really stressing me out. everyone at school knows about it if u have a chat with him there is something wrong with you. my friends are going to know and they are going to ask and i feel i won’t be able to hold back anything anymore because it has been bottled up for so long.

[Ray216]

So sorry to hear that. Some of things I can relate to, some I can't.

Regarding friends that take more than they give, it may be good to scale your own efforts back. Treat them as they treat you, or find some people who would give as much as you would.

I've had crippling anxiety before, of the existential kind. So bad that nothing felt meaningful, and I was drowning in despair. I've found three things that helped, all recommended by my psychologist. Sounds cliche, but actually try it regularly and I'm sure it'll work. Breathing exercises, 4 seconds in, 4 seconds out. Exercise daily, and keep a journal of your feelings. Other than that, it helps to always think about the present, instead of the past or future.

School can be a tough environment to have mental health issues. But you shouldn't feel ashamed for seeing the counsellor. If your friends are truly caring, then sharing your issues with them should be totally safe. Otherwise it may help to find some friends to share such matters with.

[MyLadyGirl]

Cripjay15
I know it’s hard to except things that is going with your life right now. When you hear this voice behind your head saying things what was your heart saying that time? Is it the same thing or do you feel deep hatrated.
In today’s world society is difficult to except what and who we really are. We are bond to ‘friend’ not knowing or seeing if that ‘friends’ bring us joy nor happiness. Yes we need friends but when you are off to another stage of life, probably these friends will be gone or have a life. Friends will come and go. Don’t prioritise a lot or focus on that. Focus on what you want to achieve. Don’t worry about the gossip in school, it will disappear eventually. You love sports. Do good in it. When you are good in it, probably that friends will value you. We all need some one to look after us when we are down as how we were to them. You can post what’s bothering you as we will be here to support you as a friend till you feel better and happy. We will never judge you. I am sorry that I can’t be there but I can be here in your post advising you and lifting your spirit.

[cripjay15]

ok here it goes:

i have really struggled with sports injuries. out of the last 18 months i have been healthy to play sport for 3 months. about this time last year i got a stress fracture in my foot and were out of action for about 8 months. i went into depression and i really struggled. sport is my way of feeling free and letting out all my anger so without that i felt lost. it didn’t help that my friends keep treating me like shit. (not walking with me because i was too slow on crutches, leaving me alone at lunch to go off and play sport and so much more) this time i felt so alone and was nearly thinking about ending my life

i pushed through and felt a passion for the gym after going though rehab. i got back to being stronger then ever and ended up having the opportunity of representing my state for sport. during my time there i hurt my knee pretty bad. and had to be out of sport for about 2 months. this time was practically worse then how it was before

everyday i am just constantly reminded of this and it feels like this just practically haunts me

i am just struggling at the moment. i have a couple issues at home. nothing too bad just my mum has a couple health issues and my brother with slight learning issues causing him to need a bit of extra help. he is in year 12 this year so it is a lot for him. so most of the time i have to be independent and do mostly everything by myself. this is all fine but when i am having issues with my life outside home it gets too much. my anxiety levels are so high every moment of the day being anxious before the school day has even started thinking about what could happen in the day ahead. this causes me to act out in other ways that people don’t understand why

anyway i have so much more but this has been a lot just to open up like this. i hope you start to get the picture.

[Aaronsis]

Hi cripjay15

I am so sorry to hear about your sports injuries and even more so seeing that sport was providing you an outlet, to feel free and let you anger out, I can totally see then how by having these injuries and stress fractures that not only has that stopped you from doing something you love but also impacted your metal health too, that is really tough to manage. I am so sorry to hear too that your friends didn't walk beside you when you needed them and consider how you would be feeling and that them going off to play sport while you were left by yourself is really hurtful and frustrating, especially seeing that you were not able to join in and when you tried that treated you like shit....but how amazing that you were able to come out the other side and be able to represent your state, you should feel so very proud of yourself, that is a huge achievement. However to then have that taken away by another injury is devastating. I can see how this would have felt worse than your original injury as the mental health element would have been so very tough.

Even though you say you have a few issues at home but nothing too bad it does sound like all of these things are building up and that your plate is quite full at the moment. Also worrying about your brother with his issues and doing year 12, so very much to manage.

I am so very proud of you that you are here and talking and please if you have more you would like to chat about you can do that too, but when you are ready. There are so many wonderful people here and although we may not have experienced exactly what you are, we have all had a tough road too, so you are most definitely not alone and it is just so nice to come and chat and feel supported and cared for.

I just wanted to confirm one thing that you said you "felt so alone and was nearly thinking about ending my life"..I just want to check how you are feeling now and that see if that feeling or need has passed?

Hope to chat soon

AS

[MyLadyGirl]

Hi Cripjay 15,

I am very proud of you and extremely delightful that you have open up your difficulties. I will try my level best to be by your side through your hardship.

I am sorry to hear that when you were injury your friends were not beside you as you were with them. Let me tell you something. Friends are like a tool only be there to see how cool being with them. A true friend is always there to support and be with you through hardship. What you have say to me is that your friends are there just for a simple friend they are not true friend. You should not be offended by the way they react because they only care for them-self. I know i am harsh but I want you to know that your are way better then them.You are great person and you are different and that's good. So don't take it too personal. The world is a large. There will be a true friend that will be with you for hard time. It's matter of time and patient. You will not know now but there is a person that beside you that you don't see is helping you silently.

Saying that, with the things going around you, you had your hands full with your home. I know it's not easy when a family member is ill especially a mother.I had experience from my father and it's mentality disturbed. It was not easy initially but it will get better somehow. Nope that's a lie it will not get better because the love that you have towards your mother is care and worried hoping that she will be better. All I can say is you need to be strong and i know it's hard but you have us to console you through this stage. I am sorry that I can't hold your hand but I am always here to give you advice so is all the BB consultant. Saying that your brother with Year 12 which needs help can't you help him with his work or guide him. I am not sure where you are but if you are in VIC I have a very good tutor that can help your brother. She has helped a lot of student that is struggling with their studies.

Being independent shows how matured you are and how you can handle things by yourself. I am proud of you. Don't think the next day. Think of today. We can't control the pass nor the future, we control the 'Now' meaning at this moment. If you think about the next day that when you develop your anxiety. Take a second and a minutes a time. Don't move fast. We (may or may not) have lots of time.