Isn't it normal to not move out these days for under 30s?

[uggaholic]

So yesterday I freaked out over a situation (now no longer an issue), and ranted online elsewhere..

Situation was, my elderly auntie, who sadly lives in a share house, kind of asked my parents if she can move in with us (old house of 3+dog; low-middle income retired parents + dependent). I freaked out, was so upset, because I feel I mentally and physically cannot live with her, and i know my mum wouldn't be able to bear it. Ultimately if she were to move in, I would feel like I'm forced to move out. It would be such a let down on my dad's part. I'm in no mental space and financial position to move out, plus I have my dog. Her moving in would practically ruin my mum's quality of life, and if I move out my mum would be so lonely. But also, I'm overall so afraid of my financial situation - i dont have a job, degree, have some savings. But I'm happy and currently want to stay at home with my mum, try to figure myself out, whilst i don't need to worry about finances, I'm comfortable, my dog has a backyard. Heck my mum is the type of parent that doesnt even want her kids to leave!

So yes, I am living off my parents, as I have since I was born 🤔 on my online rant, this person commented that I am an entitled child to be living off my parents and being scared of losing financial security. And automatically, I thought they are wrong. I'm far from entitled (yes this is coming from myself but I'm really not...). How can someone's child move out if they are not ready? Why would I move out just to run out of savings and be forced to run back home? Becoming truly broke would break my mum's heart more than moving out.

trying to forget this stranger's words. Do people really think this is entitlement? I know i am so privileged to be able to stay home and rely on my parents whilst I potentially earn enough money to fully support myself and them also. But does this mean I am being selfish? Aren't there so many people like me? Isn't this normal life? I am actually so afraid of becoming homeless - there are literally young people with their dogs in my suburb on the street sitting in front of supermarkets. It's heartbreaking, so yes I'll continue being safe at home because I can..

I even know a 30 year old couple who had to sell their newly built house and move back in with parents, because it was just too expensive.

[jtjt_4862]

Hi uggaholic,

A warm welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through at the moment. It must've also been hard on you when a stranger on another forum commented that your behavior is of an "entitled child" when they do not know who you are exactly and what your current situation is like.

People have their reasons for being where they are at the moment. Taking yours as an example, you mentioned that you're "in no mental space and financial position to move out", plus you're happy currently and want to stay home with your mum while figuring yourself out.

On that line, people have other reasons for wanting to move out from their parents. Some want to be independent from their parents, some want to start a family of their own with their personal space. Moving out can be a very big step for a person, especially when they're purchasing a property because of huge financial decisions that comes with buying a property. So if you're not in a financial position to move out, then there's no need to move out so soon. It's best to have a plan and work on getting yourself ready for a move out, rather than hastily moving out without knowing how you will be supporting yourself when you do.

Now to answer your question on whether this is normal life to not move out these days. I don't think there's a norm in this. Everyone has their own wants and needs, and it is their choice on whether they want to move out or not. But there are advantages to be aiming for a move out and supporting yourself with living on your own. It sets you up so that you learn to become financially independent of your parents. Because eventually we will be put into a position where our parents can no longer support us. Also, moving out and purchasing your own property, is like working towards not becoming homeless. The money you invest in a house, will set you up to have a permanent roof over your head.

You might be wondering "I do have a permanent roof over my head at the moment, and it is my parent's home". That is true yes, and if your parents are okay with it, then that's alright too. But remember, our parents won't be there for us forever, and eventually we'll need to be able to live on our own. The sooner we can figure this out, the better it will be for us in our future.

I hope that helps, and happy to chat more with you uggaholic.

Jt

[Sophie_M]

Hi uggaholic, 

We are sorry to hear that you are feeling stressed and unsure about your living arrangments at the moment, it can be really difficult to know what is best in these situations. What is great is that you are reaching out for support and advice here on the forums. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help and you never know who might read this story and realise there are others in the same situation.

There is no 'right' decesion when it comes to living away from our parents. Relationships and personal circumstances and different for everyone and so only you and your family can make that choice. 

If you are feeling low, anxious or stressed you can always give us a call on 1300 22 4636 to talk through these emotions. Our team are wonderful at offering practical advice on how to cope in the moment, as well as how to seek further support if that is what you need. Please call anytime, we are here for you. 

We want to encourage you to stay connected ot the forums as well and keep us upsated on how you are going, if you feel comfortable. 

Kind regards ,
Sophie M